This Girls Life

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?!

2008-02-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, after doing a little shopping around, I do believe I've found a new home. I figure a cross country move and blog move would be good to happen around the same time. I don't like changes spread out, so let's group it all together now! haha!! ;-) Totally kidding and that was a lame joke. But anyway.....

Seriously though, I've moved. Blogspot has been good to me, but I like the pad over at at Wordpress. I'll keep this up though, just in case anyone is lost. heehee ;-)

Here is the address: http://www.bransblahg.wordpress.com/

Refer to that from now on. Thanks!! Love you! Hope you follow! ;-)

Bran
p.s. If you have me on your blogroll, would you be so kind as to change it for me? Thanks love!

Opinion Wanted

2008-02-17T19:06:00.001-08:00

Check me out HERE and see if you like it better. I'm still not sure. The verdict is still out. So let me know what the jury decides. ;-) DON'T FORGET MOUTHWATERING MONDAY BELOW EITHER!

Mouth Watering Monday (and a sweet potato allergy update)

2008-02-17T19:03:00.001-08:00

So I am getting a jump on my mouth watering Monday here, but we just had this for dinner tonight and it was YUMMMM-AY. Plus I really don’t want to be on tomorrow very much.
My mother in law gave me a recipe several years ago for her chili. She made it when she came to visit us in Missouri and I later called her and asked for the recipe. I was slightly frustrated b/c her “recipe” was in her head and she tweaked it every time she made it. For a new “cook” like me, that was hard to do. But over the years I have learned to tweak it myself and I no longer use a referrence for it. It’s so simple and easy, and tweaking it to fit your cooking mood is fun! Enjoy!

1-2lbs of hamburger

packet of taco seasoning

two cans of petite diced tomatoes (sometimes I use the cans with onions and peppers in them)

one can of black beans

one can of kidney beans

one can of a white bean (garbanzo, navy, great northern…take your pic)

*sometimes I put in a can of corn or green chilies too, depends on my mood

two small cans of tomato sauce

one small diced onion

one tablespoon chopped garlic (or garlic seasoning, but real is better)

Seasonings: cumin, paprika, onion (if you don’t use real), garlic (if you don’t use real), cayenne pepper. Just season to taste. Jake likes spicy and so do I so if it’s just us I use a lot of cayenne. For parties I make two crocks, one mild, one hot.

In a skillet brown the hamburger meat, onions, and garlic. When thoroughly cooked, add in taco seasoning DRY (do not add water). Mix around and once fully cooked, add meat to crock pot. Add in beans and tomatoes and tomato sauce. If you want thicker chili, use tomato paste instead of sauce. Cook in crockpot on high for 3-4 hours. If you want it to simmer all day, just put it on low. Makes the house yummy smelly too!

To eat with dinner I either make cornbread or quesadillas. I know, totally opposite side dishes. With the cornbread I put the cornbread in a bowl and pour chili over it. With the quesadillas I put the chili in a bowl, top with sour cream and cheese, and dip quesadilla triangles in it. Soooo gooooooood.

Ya gotta try this dinner! It’s so yummy! And if you have more hamburger meat than you need for the chili, since it is already seasoned, you can save it for tacos another night. Let me know if you try it!

==========

So I said I would update about finding out about Owen’s allergy to sweet potatoes. Now mind you, a doctor didn’t tell me this. In fact, they weren’t too interested in the fact that I had JUST fed him sweet potatoes an hour before his episode. I googled “infant allergy to sweet potatoes” and came up with a lot of the same scenarios. Check them out for yourself. From now on, I am going to play it safe and NOT give Owen any sweet potatoes. Poor kid, won’t ever know of the yummy goodness of sweet potato pie! Here are the sites:

Click Here (scroll down a bit on this one)

and here

and here too

and don’t forget this one (more for allergy resource)

Okay that’s enough for now. If you google other combinations of “sweet potatoes, allergy, vomitting, infant” stuff like that, you get more sites. One site I found (I’ll have to find it again) showed a controlled study in a small group of infants that had a sweet potato allergy. So, I think we’ll go with “sweet potato allergy” just to be safe.

Now go make some chili!

Personal DNA

2008-02-16T14:11:00.001-08:00

I'm an Attentive Curator.

Check out the results of my personality here. Some parts are earily right on.

God Laughs

2008-02-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

My sister in law has this saying, "make plans and hear God laugh" and she is soooo right.

Kim emailed everyone from our link group asking for volunteers to host this weekend. I volunteered.

My sister in law is coming this tuesday to help me with stuff for moving. She is an organizational freak and I am lucky she is so willing to help me, considering she lives in Portland.

This morning, the boys woke up with green goo. GREEN GOO. Their noses look like they had green play doh shoved up there. Totally gross. Oh, and Owen is coughing a bit. Oh, AND he threw up last night. Projectile vomit across the couch. For about an hour or so afterwards I was in a complete panic waiting for "the other shoe to drop." It never did, thank God. Owen remained bubbly and happy and NOT passed out. ;-)

God is laughing at my plans I think. I had to cancel on link group :( and I emailed my sister in law telling her about the boys. If they are sick she can't come b/c she has a 3yo and my brother in law is self employed so he REALLY can't get sick.

I am really really hoping and praying they are not sick come Monday night/Tuesday morning.

I'm frustrated today.

I had a dream about moving last night. We moved into the most narrow house ever. It was a nice house, but it was narrow. Weird. Oh, and we made the drive in two days. That was sweet.

God, please don't laugh at our plans to move. ;-)

Oh and something really great: Owen is crawling. The kid is on the move!! It's amazing how fast they pick this stuff up. He is better today than he was yesterday. Every day he gets better and better. I love it.

I love my kids. I love watching them be creative. For Valentines I got them play doh sets. A play doh duffel bag of play doh stuff with cutters, and a pasta maker, and a roller. They each got one. And they each got a play doh tub. One tub is for picnic stuff and the other is for animals. They have played with those for HOURS. They love it. Especially Dylan. :D I thought I would not like them having play doh but they seem to be doing pretty well with it.

Today we are going to go through more stuff to take to the dump. I wish I could snap my fingers and have this done. I am seriosly contemplating moving into our trailer NOW and just coming to the house to do stuff for the move. That way what I get done stays done. I don't know. That seems extreme. But it also would simplify things for me. If my sister in law (she does have a name btw, it's Teresa haha) comes I think we'll do that after she leaves actually. That is what we were going to do after the movers take all of our stuff anyway.

Okay, off to do something productive. I promised Sean I'd blog about the sweet potato allergy thing, so I will for sure be back this weekend with that. ;-) Check Sean out. He has a baby on the way. :D

Funny Ha Ha Friday

2008-02-15T13:00:00.000-08:00

I forgot to add the funnies to my previous post about getting busted. ;-)

Here are a few funnies from the last week with the kids:

McKenna was running to the boys' room and she said "Lets go Dylan! You're tagging me!" and squeeled and ran off. hahaha!!! Kind of like a few weeks ago when she was running/hopping and I said "McKenna I said no running" and she said "I'm not, I'm hopping hip" (skipping) heehee Oh the things kids say. ;-)

I was putting the kiddos down for a nap and Aidan lost his paci one day. This is what happens....he has it and tries to hide from me (b/c he's not supposed to have it) and then he loses it somewhere in the house. Normally I take it from them and put them up, but this morning he left it in his bed like he's supposed to so I didn't think about it again. Anyway, I'm looking for this paci and getting IRRITATED b/c he can't sleep without it and I can't find it. I said "This is so stupid!" while I was looking through toys and stuffed animals. Then, from his crib, he says, "mommy, we don't say soopid. Soopid is a mean." hahaha!! I love when they correct me.Honest. I do. It means they know it. ;-)

Today the boys were taking their bikes to the backyard from the garage and Aidan was pushing his bike and said "I have BIIIIIIIG muscles!"

Earlier this week I caught Dylan and McKenna playing "baby." She was trying to nurse him. That was a fun game to walk in on! I had to explain how only mommies and babies do that sort of thing. ;-) haha!!

Also this week, Aidan found "cat poop" under the kitchen table one morning. We don't have a cat. Upon further examination I realized HE had pooped under the table. The night before. After bath. When we let them run naked for a few minutes. How this went unnoticed you ask? It was late, the lights were off, and we had already had dinner with no reason to go back to the table. I can't believe I didn't notice it. I did however SMELL it that night, but thought they just were tooting. Next time I think I'll follow my nose. ;-)

Dylan to McKenna: "Do you know what gooerish means? It means when I don't like something"

Dylan: "Mommy! Aidan says HE is Uncle Nate and he's not!"
Me: "Well it's okay if he wants to pretend to be Uncle Nate"
Dylan: "But IIIIIIIIIIIII want to be Uncle Nate!!"
Me: "You can be Uncle Nate too"
Dylan: "NO! I want Aidan to be Aunt Teresa!"
hahahahaha!!!!
He was literally in tears over this. Hysterically crying. haha!

BUSTED

2008-02-15T10:17:00.000-08:00

Brent busted me!

Okay so I said I wouldn't be getting on here for a few days, and while I did really good the first day, the second day not so much. I did refrain from posting and commenting though. Now that is quite the accomplishment on my part. haha!

Even though I didn't completely stay away, I did minimize my time drastically. And what a difference it made! It was a good lesson for me in priorities, boundaries, and everything in MODERATION. Too much of anything IS a bad thing.

In my profile when I say I tend to get sucked into the computer once I turn it on....yeah, I wasn't kidding. Even though I am reading some amazing stuff and having some great conversations, or enjoying a friendly debate here and there, too much is too much. And when your kid tells you he feels gooerish about you being on the computer....well, that'll snap you to attention if nothing else.

I did accomplish a lot these last few days, and the best part, I was able to hear God without all the "noise" in my head. God knows my heart, and he knows what I am struggling with, but when I am so immersed in what I am doing elsewhere, I can't hear him. What I miss when I am not paying attention! All this time (last couple of months) I've felt like a failure at being a good mom, wife, homemaker. Brent reminded me that I am a perfectionist. Yes, yes I am. *Hi I'm Brandy and I am a perfectionist* meaning that I have this IDEA in my mind of how I want things to be, and I can NEVER reach it. EVER. And I know it. So instead of just trying to be good at stuff, I don't even try b/c I know I won't reach my level of perfection.....the unrealistic one I have in my head. Just being good is not good enough. It has to be perfect. And if it's not, why bother? See my problem? I have a feeling this is going to be a life long battle for me. Like an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. A perfectionist is always a perfectionist. Every day is a battle to "stay on the wagon" so to say, for lack of a better example at the moment.

I have always been a fan of the sayings "go big or go home" and "if you're going to do a half a$$ job, don't do it at all" and "there is right way and a wrong way and your way is not right" (haha). That last one is a testament to the fact that I can't accept help either. I am bad at that. And only I can fix that.

The other thing I have enjoyed these last two days: my kids. Oh the fun we've had! And that's always worth it.

So here is my attempt at adding a little imperfect "grey" into my life. Finding a middle ground. Setting some boundaries. Being imperfect. ;-)

Talk To Me Tuesday

2008-02-12T14:27:00.000-08:00

Okay so my question today is, what do you do when you find yourself so overwhelmed with life to the point where you are not coping well?? How do you get back on track? How do you realign yourself??

I am so off track I just yelled at my son b/c he couldn't figure out his v-smile game. Not my proudest moment. At all.

So to realign myself, with my kids, with my husband, with my house, with my God, I am getting rid of distractions. For a while. And this, this has been a distraction. One I enjoy very much. Very much.

So I am off for a while to clean, to spend time with my kiddos, to spend time with God, to spend time with myself, to spend time paying attention to Jake. BUT, when I come back I want lots of advice on other ways to get back on track. Lots of advice. Preferably advice that would keep me from reaching this point of feeling overwhelmed. My sister in law says I am a black and white person. This is true. Very true. I need some shades of grey. ;-)

I'll be back, in a few days or so. And I won't be lurking (aww that was just painful to say).

Looooooooove yoooooouuuus!

Issues

2008-02-12T00:59:00.000-08:00

Obviously I'm having blog issues. I'm not very happy about this. :(

My links will all be back up soon and I'll have a decent layout back up too.

I'm irritated. At myself. Grrrrr.

My Favorite Things

2008-02-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

Beaming boy smiles and little baby kisses
Long brown eyelashes and magical wishes
Pulling around all their cars with a string
These are a few of my favorite things

Warm cups of hot chocolate and marshmallow minis
Special treats and good eats and magical pennies
Watching them run and gleefully sing
These are a few of my favorite things

Boys in blue jeans with dirt on their knees
Hearing "I love you" and "thanks" and "please"
Kissing their boo boos after a ding
These are a few of my favorite things

When my head hurts
When the dinner burns
When I'm feeling mad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Mouthwatering Monday

2008-02-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

<--- This is Aidan. Cute isn't he? ;-) He loves his coffee first thing in the morning, just like mom. And by coffee I mean Hot Chocolate in one of my coffee cups. We started doing this b/c he would really drink my coffee when I wasn't looking. I'd leave my coffee unattended for a few moments, to go do some other "mom" thing, and when I came back I'd have nothing left. Same thing happens to Jake's soda at night. Jake is a HUGE soda drinker. HUGE. He'll leave a 44 oz fountain drink out from the store down the road and come back to almost nothing. Just two nights ago I found Aidan sucking one down and took it to Jake and said "how much was left in here" and he took it and said "OH MY GOSH! It was at least half full!" and now it was empty. Aidan sucked it dry. And it's not like I don't give this kid something to drink all day either. I guess he just wants to be like mom and dad. You can't beat that. We'll take it while we can get it! And, just like mom and dad, he doesn't like to be messed with while he's enjoying his drink! haha!!

<--- Now this is a much nicer looking view of my boy. How cute he is! He is my lover and my snuggler. And he's at that stage where his talking is too cute.

"I wuv you mommeeeeee"

"I shump a biiiig one" (I jump a big one)

"das ma toyee over dare" (that's my toy over there)

"beebee Oweeeeen ish shup" (baby Owen is up)

"I wuv puppy rooooooniiiiii's" (I love pepperoni's-- last night at dinner)

"awww buuuuddy" That one he says all the time to everyone. We love it.

Okay that's enough bragging. Here's my Mouthwatering Monday recipe:

I got this recipe in one of my presents for my bridal shower. Jake and I LOVE it and it is soooo yummy. Don't pay any attention to the fact that it is probably not the healthiest thing you could eat, that would ruin the creamy goodness of it!

Jack Cheese Enchiladas

1dz corn tortillas

1/2 cup cooking oil

3/4 cup chopped green onions (I use more, I like them)

1/4 cup butter

2 cups Jack Cheese (again, I use however much I want)

1/4 cup flour

2cups chx broth

1 cup sour cream (me looooovs sour cream!)

1 small can chopped green chilies (sometimes I use two)

Directions: In skillet, cook tortillas in hot oil for 14 seconds (7 seconds each side). Place 2T cheese and 1T onion on each tortilla. Roll up and place seam side down in pan.

Sauce: In a saucepan, melt butter; blend in flour and chx broth. Cook stirring constantly until mixture thickens and bubbles. Remove from heat. Stir in sour cream and green chilies. Cook until heated through. DO NOT BOIL.

Pour over rolled tortillas. Bake at 375* for 30 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese and return to oven until cheese melts.

It is oooooooooh sooooooo goooooood! It goes great with rice and beans! :D Topping it with olives is yummy too! If you try it let me know how it turned out. :D

My sneaky sneaky husband!

2008-02-10T00:02:00.000-08:00

<---- See that? THAT was my early Valentines present tonight, along with matching earrings. A few days ago Jake asked if we were going to go out for Valentines Day and I said NO b/c for one, Teresa and Kambrie would probably (hopefully) be here and for two, we NEVER go out for Valentines Day. We don't even celebrate it really. It's more of an annoying "dating" holiday I think. So for some reason he is really pressing going out for V Day which is odd, so we agree to go AFTER the actual day, either the 15th or 16th. Better that way anyway, avoid the crowds. I hate crowds. So tonight the boys went to my moms to stay the night. We didn't take them over there until about 8 b/c they took such LATE naps today. I normally wouldn't have put them down so late (3:30) but we had planned on going to church tonight and I didn't want them to be pills. Well, 5pm came around and they were STILL sleeping and I didn't have the heart to wake them. So, we didn't, and missed church. (sorry Deb! If you went)We can go in the morning. I am glad I didn't wake them b/c Dylan slept until almost 6 and Aidan slept until almost 7!! Normally I do NOT like them to sleep that late, but they played hard today and hadn't had a nap in two days. They needed it. So anyway, after we took them to moms around 8 I got in the shower b/c Jake insisted that we go out to eat since we were minus two boys. We kept Owen home with us. So, we go to Red Robin. Where the heck else would we go. I swear we should buy stock in that place! While we were sitting there, out of NOWHERE, Jake pulls this jewelry box from JCPenney out and and plops it down on the table and says "so, uh, I got a little somethin' here" and he kind of says it under his breath. He cracks me up. heehee I just BEAM and stare at it. I got all excited and asked what it was for and he says....VALENTINE'S DAY! hahaha! I said "It's not for another week" and he said "yeah but I wanted to give it to you ON that day, not after, so I'm giving it to you now" and I said "but it's still not ON that day" and he said "I'd rather give it to you earlier than later" hahaha! He is so funny! So, there it is. My pretty pretty necklace and matching earrings. LUCKILY I hadn't worn anything tonight. I just wore jeans and a long sleeve fitted black top so I was pretty bare and boring, but the necklace and earrings were the perfect touch! Thank you babe! I love them! :D oh yeah, and I love you too. ;-) heehee

<---- And this picture right here, that is how I ended my night. Isn't he cute????? This would be Owen, who you all prayed for. Such a beautiful and healthy boy!!! By the way, his problem, he's allergic to sweet potatoes. More on that later. ;-)

Have a great Sunday! :D

Funny Ha Ha Friday

2008-02-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

So as I lurk through blogland (or blogosphere, whatever) I notice that a lot of people do a "wordless wednesday" or a "thankful thursday" or like my friend Tam at InProgress does, a "Fill In Friday" (which is really fun!) and I really like that they do this. Kind of simplifies things for when you can't think of something to blog about, or for when you are thinking of too much to blog about, which happens to be the case for me most of the time. I have been told more than once that some of my blog posts are little novelas. ;-) So today I was thinking about my blog and I thought I wanted to revamp a few things, and having a point to each day kind of strikes my fancy. ;-) Yes I said "strikes my fancy" just like I also say "draw the boys a bath" to Jake, to which he says "seriously? did you seriously just say DRAW them a bath?" Yes. Yes I did.

Anyway, I came up with a Monday through Friday theme and I have to say I am kind of excited about it. Plus, I think in the next few weeks (2 months about) when our lives will SO extremely chaotic with moving and everything that entails, it will be good to still post a blog w/o thinking much about it. I'll save the weekends for my outpours. Jake is home then and that will give me quiet time. :D

So this is what I came up with:

Mouthwatering Monday: For all of my easy family recipes that we love. They are so great I am always passing them on to friends. In fact several of my cookbooks are loaned out right now. I must get those back. ;-)

Talk To Me Tuesday: I'll post a question that has been on my mind that I wonder what everyone else thinks about. I often wonder what others think about things, or if others think about the same things. Tuesday though could also be Top Ten Tuesday, just depends on my mood. I haven't decided yet. haha! ;-)

Wordless Wednesday: I like the idea of this one and enjoy looking at others' wordless wednesdays. :D I see it all over blogland.

Thankful Thursday: This one really blesses me to read on other blogs. It reminds me to be thankful for the little things, not just the big things. One that I read said "tiny hands patting my cheek" and I instantly felt all warm and fuzzy thinking of when Owen pats my cheek or when Dylan rubs my arm or when Aidan runs his fingers through my hair. Lots to be thankful for! :D

Funny Ha Ha Friday: The boys are CONSTANTLY saying funny stuff. I am sure that I can find something to add every friday here. ;-)

So to start it off today Dylan said the most hilarious thing to me. I couldn't stop laughing. I was talking to him about moving to North Dakota, b/c he seems very nervous about it. He is always asking to see pics of where we are going and lately he has been very clingy and even climbing into our bed several times at night, just since we found out. He even asked once if we were going to leave him behind! :( This is how our conversation went today:

M: Dylan how do you feel about us moving to North Dakota? (after we had talked about it a bit)

D: I don't like it.

M: you don't?

D: No, I don't.

M: Why not? Does it made you sad?

D: It makes me feel gooerish.

M: Gooberish?

D: no, gooerish

M: GOOerish??

D: yeah, gooerish, not gooberish. (B/c there is clearly a difference)

M: Oh. Well what does gooerish mean?

D: Gooerish is when I don't like something.

M: Oh, so you feel gooerish about moving? You don't like it?

D: yeah, it's gooerish.

Okay then. ;-) hahahahaha! I love my kids! heehee

"I would like to thank the academy!"

2008-02-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

I've always wanted to say that! haha!

My heart is blessed tonight by Mandy at MandyMom!! She has been so kind as to award me with the E for Excellent Blog award. WOW! Thank you so much Mandy! I absolutely love her blog and even though I only found it about two weeks ago, it has become one of my favorites. One that I look forward to reading when I log on. Please go check her out! She has a beautiful heart for God and she is an unschooling homeschooler, one I feel I have been learning a lot from.

To share the love, I'd like to pass this award on to Kassidi and Dakota.... otherwise known as InCahoots! They were my flower girl and ring bearer at our wedding and I have known them since Kass was 3 and Kota was about 6 months. Correct me if I'm wrong Brent and Tam! :D Kass and Kota just started up their own blog and I love checking it out. It's so cool to see how much they have grown up, although it does make me feel like a very old 26 year old. ;-) haha!

I think I should clarify....

2008-02-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

....that blog before about vasovegal, I think I got carried away explaining that and just forgot to ALSO mention, that the other "cause" they are thinking of was just pure dehydration, which is also a trigger. They aren't saying yeah or neigh on the vasovegal. So at this point, we just don't know, but are so thankful he is okay now.
Just thought I'd clarify!

Vaso WHAT??

2008-02-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

Okay so we went to the Dr's this morning and they really had no more answers for me at all. Dr. Hough was just stumped as to what it could have been. He was very happy that Owen was laughing and "talking" and seemed much more his normal self. Basically, we left with "well at least he's fine now" kind of summation about the whole thing. I asked Dr. Hough about what his wife had told me yesterday (also a dr, obviously) about the vasovagel syncope and he said that is the only thing that comes to his mind as well. I have now had three pediatricians tell me that. So, I guess that is what we are going with, which really still doesn't answer the question as to why he was vomiting. Here is a description of vasovagel syncope:

Vasovagal syncope is the most common type of fainting. There are a number of different syncope syndromes which all fall under the umbrella of vasovagal syncope. The common element among these conditions is the central mechanism leading to loss of consciousness. The differences among them are in the factors which trigger this mechanism.

Typical triggers for vasovagal syncope include:[1]
prolonged standing or upright sitting
stress
any painful or unpleasant stimuli, such as
giving a blood donation or watching someone give one
watching someone experience pain
hyperthermia, a prolonged exposure to heat
sudden onset of extreme emotions
hunger
nausea or vomiting
dehydration
urination ('micturition syncope') or defecation ('defecation syncope')
swallowing ('swallowing syncope')
coughing ('cough syncope')
abdominal straining or 'bearing down' (as in defecation)
random onsets due to nerve malfunctions
Pressing upon certain places on the throat, sinuses, and eyes.
High altitude

People with vasovagal syncope typically have recurrent episodes, usually when exposed to a specific trigger. The initial episode often occurs when the person is a teenager, then recurs in clusters throughout his or her life. Prior to losing consciousness, the individual frequently experiences a prodrome of symptoms such as lightheadedness, nausea, sweating, ringing in the ears, and visual disturbances. These last for at least a few seconds before consciousness is lost, which typically happens when the person is sitting up or standing. When they pass out, they fall down; and when in this position, effective blood flow to the brain is immediately restored, allowing the person to wake up.
The autonomic nervous system's physiologic state (see below) leading to loss of consciousness may persist for several minutes, so:
if the person tries to sit or stand when they wake up, they may pass out again; and
the person may be nauseated, pale, and sweaty for several minutes after they wake up.

Vasovagal syncope is rarely life-threatening in itself.

So I guess that does answer the passing out/unconscience part of the whole ordeal, although he was "out" for nearly 30 minutes. As far as the vomiting, who knows, but I'll surely never feed him sweet potatoes again! ;-)

Good things that came out of this:
Prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. Between our families, my myspace friends, and my blogspot blog, there was lots of prayer being lifted up for little Owen.
Faith. I had faith that God would take care of my baby and even though I knew that ultimately God could do whatever He wanted, whatever His will was for Owen, I had a peace that He would answer my prayers for a fully recovered and healthy baby....and HE HAS! It makes me choked up right now thinking about how awesome God is and how He gave me such peace.
Friends. I have awesome friends, and people I don't even "know" in "real" life were rallying with prayer. Thank you so much!
Blogs are awesome too! haha! :D
Not that I didn't already know it before, but it just really resonated in me how much I love my kids and how really, in an instant, you would trade places with them for anything. ANYTHING.

Off to lay down with my sleeping baby.

Back from the hospital with Owen!

2008-02-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

Okay so we're back and just a quick update.....Still not sure what was wrong with Owen. His rotavirus test came back negative and that was kind of the only strand the doctors were grasping. We go in tomorrow to see his regular doctor and we'll go from there.

Tonight he is in good spirits and smiling and laughing and playing, THANK GOD. I am so thankful that he is okay but still wish we knew what it was that left my baby unconscious for nearly 30 minutes. Until we know more, I'll still be worried about it happening again. Until then, the kid isn't leaving my side! haha! ;-) He is still very sleepy and has slept a lot, poor guy has been through the ringer in the last 24 hours. :( I'll get to all of the emails tomorrow after I talk more with the doctor.

Thank you so much for your concern and prayers. I was absolutely overwhelmed at the messages I received. Thank you all so very much. Now stop making me cry! ;-) Thanks to Brent and Tammy who instantly made their way down to the hospital to talk and pray with me and Owen. That was so unexpected and thoughtful! And to Cheryl who BARELY caught us as we were loading up to go! Thanks Cheryl for taking the time! ;-) And thanks to Tara who came and kept me company the rest of the night and brought us home from the hospital so Jake didn't have to load up the boys!

Bran

Night at the ER with my baby

2008-02-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

Just a quickie here....

Owen started throwing up last night (my exact timing is fuzzy) and then he became completely limp and unresponsive, his eyes were rolling around in his head and he could not make eye contact at all. Jake and my mom were both shaking him(more like jossling) and smacking his cheeks and all out shouting to wake him up. Meanwhile I was on the phone with 911, ambulance on the way.

Paramedics checked him out, couldn't get him to respond either, wanted to take him in.As I stood there watching them with Owen, I swear to you my baby looked dead. NO COLOR, NO RESPONSE, NO NOTHING AT ALL. You have no idea what you will think of in times like that, and all I could think of was "Did I take enough pictures of him b/c if he goes, I don't want to forget what he looks like. That is all I could think of as I stared at what looked like a dead baby. Even my mom said the same thing. The only one of us who didn't think that was Jake and that is b/c he got to hold Owen and feel the teeny tiny breaths he was taking. :( I was shaking and crying and just thinking "How did this happen? He was FINE ABSOLUTELY FINE 30 minutes ago"
Jake and I rode in ambulance with him to RVMC. Owen responded a little on the ride there, opened his eyes. My mom stayed home with the other two.

God and I had a serious talk on the way to the hospital and my nerves calmed as I KNEW He would take care of my baby. Still I was scared and worried for my child, but I had a sense that God would not take Owen from me. Thank you God!

At RVMC they tried TWICE to get an IV in, TWICE to get a blood draw, and TWICE to get a urine sample through a cathetar. Thank God he responded to all of that with crying. His eyes were still very uncontrolled and he was wobbly.

Urine came back fine, chest Xray came back fine, blood came back with too high of a white blood cell count. Wanted to keep us overnight. I stayed overnight with Owen while Jake went home to be with the other boys and relieve my mom.

This morning they did another blood draw, and his count had only gone down a little and was still considered elevated. They want to keep us the rest of the day, and depending on the blood results of yet ANOTHER blood draw later today, we could either stay or go home. We don't know. The doctors have NO IDEA why he basically became unconscience for a period of time. They are baffled, and worried.

Jake is there now with Owen, and his little helper Dylan. I came home with Aidan to take a quick shower and then I'll head back up for the rest of the day. Just wanted to post.

Thank you to Kim for coming down to check on us. That meant more than you know!
Thanks to my mom for her help and to Jake's parents for coming and checking on us as well, and for getting our truck to us.

If you felt like praying, that would be GREAT and muchly appreciated.

Headlines from 2029

2008-02-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

This was posted by my new blogging friend Deb, who also happens to go to the same church as us, and we've met IRL! "Met" her through Tammy's blog. She came up with these headlines that I thought were pretty hilarious....so much so that I asked her if I could repost them on my blog. Obviously she said yes.
ENJOY! haha!!!

Headlines from 2029

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern Unites States Crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally!!!! Scientists stumped!

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage…

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking……

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to 17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, 75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for the third consecutive year in Florexico.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut…. LOL (sorry, thought it was funny…..)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative….

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030…..

Thoughtful Aidan

2008-02-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

This morning I was making pancakes and Aidan wanted me to hold him so I picked him up gave him loves while I flipped his pancakes. I love that sleepy warm smell to his cheeks when he first wakes up. :D

While I was holding him Owen was in the living room in his Bumbo (on the floor, no worries) and he sneezed and Aidan, without being prompted said, "Bess you baby Oooweeen!"

Ahhhh, so sweet. I love when they say nice things on their own. Yesterday Dylan and Aidan even said "I forgive you" without being prompted when the other would apologize. :D Now granted, I would love that they didn't have to apologize for anything even better, but hey, ya gotta start somewhere! ;-)

Hungry Dylan

2008-02-03T23:37:00.000-08:00

Dylan:

"Mommy, I am still hungry, just like the little catapiwer" (b/c of the book The Hungry Caterpillar)

"Mommy, I fink I'm about to get hungry" (he whispers to me EARLY in the mornings while I am still in bed)

I am sitting here going through GOBS of clothes and thinking about when Dylan and Aidan were babies. I am setting aside my favorites that all three have now grown out of. I want Jake's mom to eventually make me a quilt with scraps from all of them. As I was examining a Hungry Caterpillar pajama set to see if it was "worthy" ;-) I remembered the "catapiwar" comment from Dylan. It is SO cute that he says it. I love it.

Go Giants! And GO ME!

2008-02-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

NY Giants 17, New England 14

YEAH! The boys had their faces painted in red and blue with "GO GIANTS!!" and "NYG" and footballs. They were so cute! Their team spirit payed off I guess! Yeah GIANTS!

I sat at home with Owen and watched while I spaced bagged all of the kids' clothes and got a HUGE pile for donations. Know anyone who needs boys clothes?? ;-) The house looks like a disaster with clothing piles everywhere (b/c I not done yet) but my brain hurts from all the sorting. I'm not naturally organized so thinking about it literally hurts my head. BUT, I've done a pretty good job so far! Go ME! :D heehee

Be thankful you aren't a thought in my head....

2008-02-02T20:05:00.000-08:00

.....because you would surely get lost.

WOW the last few days have whizzed by! I can't even really remember what exactly has happened or gone on. Let's see if I can try....

Wednesday I watched the girls and thought that was my last day for the week and that I'd have Thursday and Friday to do stuff for me (translation: focus on my family and the purging that has yet to have happened in any significant amount). That night my sister called at the last minute for me to watch them early the next morning, which I didn't want to do, but agreed to anyway. Now, I LOVE and ADORE my nieces as much as my own kids, so not wanting to watch them had nothing to do with them. It had more to do with my sanity and stress level. When we found out about the move coming so fast, I decided I would not watch them anymore so I could prepare things (and myself) around here. I am REALLY feeling the pressure and stress as the time is really flying by. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. So anyway, I agreed to watch them, after a mini-argument with my sister about how I CAN'T DO IT anymore. I did say I'd do it on M and W b/c those are school days and my niece and Dylan go together, so no biggie there. But other than that, I really can't if I want to take care of our stuff. So all day Thursday I stressed b/c my sister was going to hire some RANDOM person she picked out of the newspaper to watch them. Someone who is NOT state certified BTW. I have issues with that. I don't trust people to watch little kids who don't/won't go through the neccessary hoops to make sure that they are doing it in a safe environment that is being regulated. Maybe it's b/c of all the training I had to go through to have my own daycare on base.....but it just KILLED me to think of my neices going to some random stranger watching my neices. Now I know what some may be thinking "not your problem" and maybe it's not. But would I be saying that if something happened to them? No, I would be saying "I should have just kept doing it b/c it was the right and loving thing to do." So, at the end of the day, making sure my neices were safe and somewhere they would be loved was more important than winning a battle with my sister (the battle being she kept asking me to watch them after I told her I couldn't, and I'm a pushover when it comes to them). So, I've caved and told her I'll watch them until the 12th. After that, I won't really have a house to watch them in. And if I do, I won't want it messed up with 5 kids around b/c that will be the week my sister in law is coming to help me purge and organize. Plus, my neices are going to stay with their dad for two months at the end of this month. :( That makes me sad. :( So does moving away from them. I told my older neice (3) that we were moving to North Dakota and she got really sad and said "I want to go with you." That broke my heart. I love her. I love them both.

Friday was my running around day. I don't think I have taken the boys out for a full day of running errands and such in MONTHS. They did really good too for not having naps....well, until later at dinner. ;-) We had a hair appt for Dylan and Aidan at noon:30 and then we went to see Daddy at work to see if he'd had lunch yet. He had. So, we went and got some lunch and decided to take it home b/c Dylan had to potty and Owen had to eat. While were home Jake called and said to come back and get him b/c he was done for the day. So, we got together after eating and picked up Daddy, only to bring him back home and change out of his BDU's. He said he didn't want people staring at him in the stores! haha! ;-) What is funny to me about that is on base, no one would give him a second look if we ran errands with him dressed like that. So funny. Even off base it wouldn't have been looked at funny.
We went to Target to check out the snowboots someone had told me they had on sale. Well it must have been a good sale b/c they were all gone. Bummer. :( Then we went to G.I. Joe's, or as it is now annoyingly called, Joe's. What's with dropping the G.I.??? Anyway, we found boots for the boys there. CAMO boots! heehee They are SO CUTE. We had picked out a blue pair for Aidan b/c they had it in his size but they didn't for Dylan so we found the Camo ones for Dylan. I REALLY like the boys to match (my SIL is rolling her eyes right now haha!) so I told Jake to check for Aidan's size. They had one up from his size so we tried it on and it worked. yeah! :D I figure with thick wool socks that'll make up the difference. heehee ;-) After that we tried on some snow bibs for them. The pants they had were all too big so bibs it is. And of course, they match.
After Joe's we went to Walmart. I'm not sure why, but we ended up loading up the cart on who knows what. I really don't remember now. ugh. I know we got Aidan a good jacket b/c he really needed a larger one. It's camo too, but the bummer is that Jake wouldn't let me get Dylan a camo one too! :( Dylan DOES have a jacket that fits, but a camo one that matches with brother would be so much cuter. I tried again tonight to get it but Jake said "NO" and I said "we'll see about that." hahaha! Those who know me best know I'll be getting that jacket for Dylan before we move. ;-)
After walmart we went to eat at Black Bear Diner. Dylan has been wanting to eat there for MONTHS. I kid you not, he has specifically been asking to go there and he never forgets about it either. Jake tried ALL afternoon to get him to change his mind to Red Robin but he never did. So, Black Bear it was. And that was the first, and most likely last, time we will go there. The service was less than, Aidan was downright disobedient, and the food was..... okay. That is a bit of a funny story. I can't eat meat with bone in it. At all. I gag, at the very least. So I ordered chicken stuffed with broccoli and cheese....sounded soooo good. It came with a side salad. Well my salad came and the BOYS devoured my salad. I didn't mind so much since it was probably the only veggie they had willingly eaten all day. Then the waitress came back (after about 20 minutes) and said that they were OUT of stuffed chicken. WHA?! Whatever. So I said I'd have the fried chicken. I don't know WHAT possessed me to order that, but for some reason I was thinking of a chicken breast when I said that. So when my plate FINALLY came (another 15-20 minutes) and I saw the BONE chicken...wings, thighs, legs, DRUMSTICK, I almost gagged. I tried to keep my face straight for the sake of the waitress. Jake was shooting me knowing glances and a hidden grin. As soon as she left Jake said "Well I don't know what YOU'RE going to eat for dinner tonight" hahaha!! Seriously. Thank goodness for the coleslaw and fried squash and zucchini that came with my meal. Oh and the HONKIN' piece of bread. I tried, really I tried to eat the chicken, but I almost threw it all up on the table after two bites. I couldn't do it.
I also ordered a blackberry milkshake to go. I didn't taste it until we were out in the truck. It was like I was drinking freezing cold tasteless paste with bits of tire pebbles. Seriously. No flavor. At all.
Jake wanted to go to DQ for his dessert, so while we were there I ordered myself a chicken strips basket! haha!! We stopped at his parents house and I ate my food and gave them the fried chicken (we took it with us b/c SOMEONE would eat it) and the milkshake. haha! Even my MIL thought the shake had no taste. I had a LAAAAAAME night of eating out. It's kind of funny thinking back on it though.

Today my mom said she'd take the boys so we could work around here unbothered. Well this morning the phone rang and I didn't get it and let the machine get it b/c we were still in bed. It was mom so I had Dylan get me the phone and I called her back. Apparently it was AFTER 9!! How in the world all five of us slept that late I don't know, but I was happy about it!! :D Told her I'd bring them over later. Jake took them around 11. I had a hair appt at 2 that I completely forgot about until Kathy (our WONDERFUL hair lady) reminded me about it yesterday when I was there for the boys. So we had a bit of time to clean before I had to go. Jake was going to drop me off and go to Sportmans Warehouse. After he dropped me off I called and said "come back and get me" b/c Kathy decided we could wait another month on my color. haha!! So we visited instead and she held Owen a while. ;-)

I went with Jake to SW and we both tried on snowboots. I got a REALLY cute suede pair. That was actually all they had for women...suede. But mine are really cute and don't even look like snowboots. They are temperature rated for -40* so I think I'll be okay. haha! ;-) We got some more winter weather accessories and headed out. We went back to walmart b/c we forgot stuff yesterday. I got a bunch of space bags for clothes and linens and we got a lot of household cleaners so we can really get to work on our move out checklist around here. We really want our full refund back. $$$$$ ;-) After all that we grabbed some dinner and picked up the boys and came home and we ate. Now we're just sitting around hanging out. Actually, me and the boys are hanging out. Jake is cleaning the bathrooms. hahaha!! Ahhh, this is the life. ;-)

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This last week I have spent a considerable amount of time online researching homeschooling. It really just sort of fell into my lap. I was browsing blogs and following links and happened upon this website. I really delved into it and have been totally captivated by it and the women that contribute to it. That has led me to other homeschooling blogs that I have really enjoyed. One blog is about UNSCHOOLING and it has really made me think about a lot as a mother. Her main blog is really good too.

All of the stuff I have been reading has been very inspiring and has led to blogs of amazing women. I feel very blessed to have "stumbled" upon these sites. I almost wonder if God is tapping my shoulder again? I've talked to Jake about some of it, just so he knows where my heart is wandering on this issue. I had thought a few years back that I would want to homeschool, and then I decided I didn't think I could be that disciplined and just kind of let it go. Now after reading all of this stuff I see that there are many different options for homeschooling. It doesn't seem that daunting actually. And after reading the unschooling blog, I see that I am already teaching them. I just didn't realize it. That kind of inspires me to take it to the next level.
I think I am going to give homeschooling a lot of thought in the next year. I will research it a lot and try to even incorporate some of it into our lives and see how it goes before I really commit to it for Dylans first "official" year. It IS something I really WANT to do, I just don't know if I am CAPABLE of doing it. I have a lot of reasons for wanting to do it too, one of which is b/c with our lifestyle, they would be changing schools every couple of years.

Another thing that I noticed was how much these women really trusted in God and tried to be good wives and mothers. It was a daily act for them to focus on what kind of wife and mother they were being. I think about being a mom everyday, but sometimes I'm not focused on how I can be better, I'm just focused on getting through the day. And I really don't focus on how to be a good wife. I just sort of wing it there. And to be honest, there is a lot of OLD resentments tied up there that I still have from years ago, and a few that are current that need to be addressed. But even still, I need to put more effort into being the wife GOD wants me to be, even if I am still holding onto past resentments. I am really thankful I found these blogs b/c they have been a great witness to me this last week, and I think will continue to be.

I have been watching the boys lately and really getting emotional when I see them playing together or when I think about moving them away from the ONLY home they have ever known, and grandparents, and cousins, and aunts and uncles, and taking Dylan away from school. He loves his teacher and going to school. I am also scared to be a mom away from my own mom and grandma. They have been there every step of the way and been a real help to me, and almost like second parents when it comes to the boys. Mostly b/c Jake worked so much I really depended on them for help and for company. It gets lonely being home all day when he would work such loooooong hours. I am nervous for that happening in Minot before I have a support system, which could be awhile. In the meantime I am thankful for the internet. ;-)

Jake and I have had a lot going on between the two of us as well. It's been very stressful and trying lately with all the details of this move and things at work are threatening to hinder our move date a bit. It's complicated so I won't go into it here. Mostly just paperwork stuff, but stressful none the less. I don't think he and I have done a very good job of remaining as one through this and it's starting to show. We really need to get on board with eachother and work as a team if we are going to come out of this stronger together. I think we've both just let the stress and shock of it all get to us in a bad way. Moving with an entire family really IS stressful, especially while dealing with our everyday stresses as well. Before when we moved Dylan was just one month old so it really wasn't that bad, and we didn't have NEAR as much stuff as we have now. More crap = more stress. ;-)

Sorry I have nothing funny or even substantial in this blog. It's more of a brain dump tonight. I've really been feeling the nervous butterflies lately and not in a good way. The countdown is on and soon it will be March and we'll be on our way to North Dakota!!

Quote of the day....

2008-01-30T21:22:00.000-08:00

Dylan to Jake tonight while they were playing:

"Daddy! If YOU jump you will break the whole house!!!"

hahahaha!!! That's awesome.

Gotta give some love!

2008-01-30T00:45:00.000-08:00

CHECK THEM OUT!!!

My flower girl and ring bearer are all grown up with a blog all their own! *sniff*

I am so looking forward to seeing what they have in store for blogland! ;-) Both are AMAZING talents and even more amazing kids! Enjoy!

Some Pretty Amazing Art

2008-01-29T23:29:00.000-08:00

I ran acrossed this tonight.

UH-MAY-ZING. Seriously.

I found it by clicking on a Yahoo link about a guy who created an entire oil painting just by using the oil from FRENCH FRIES. That was kinda gross, but his art is amazing. I stared at his page, jaw dropped most of the time. Check it out.

Dylan's Alphabet

2008-01-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

A B C D E F G H I J K

I'm a little pee

Q R S T U V W X Y Z

This was Dylan's version of the alphabet tonight at bedtime! hahahahaha!!!! How cute is that?

Slumber party with mom!

2008-01-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

Since Jake was gone last night I decided that we'd toss the normal routine out the window and just chill last night. The boys played like crazy and then sat in front of the boob tube for awhile. They were tired but in all honesty, I didn't want them to go to bed at their normal time either. I know, mean mom. ;-) I hate being home alone after the boys go to bed when it's that creepy quiet in the house.
Around 8:30/9 I suggested we make COOKIES! I wrote down the word in big letters on a piece of paper and made Dylan sound it out before we made them. He was SO EXCITED when he figured out what it was! So, we made cookies. That was interesting. Luckily Owen was asleep so I could give the boys all of my attention, which was definately needed. They took turns adding ingredients and watching the mixer mix the dough. We had a few close calls b/c Aidan thought he might like to stick his hand in the mixer....caught him just in time. Goodness that kid has NO FEAR. Dylan on the other hand was very cautious. ;-) I spooned out the dough onto the cookie sheet....I had them point to where they wanted me to put it since I wasn't letting them touch the dough. I didn't want to deal with that mess. Aidan was a sneaky little stink...he kept sticking his finger in the dough and eating it, to which I said "you are going to get sick if you keep eating that!" I was nervous he'd have an upset tummy all night. Luckily he didn't.
After the cookies came out of the oven I let them have ONE. They were so excited to see their "creation." haha! I should have anticipated some whining after that b/c they wanted MORE cookies. I finally suggested something else to do....BOOKS. They grabbed a bunch of books from their room and brought them out the couch. We piled on the couch and read all of them. That was kind of fun b/c they actually sat there and paid attention! They rarely sit for that long during books. ;-) After books I let them get into our bed and watch a movie. "Mozart Sleepy Time" haha! ;-) wink wink! They thought they were getting to watch a movie and I knew they were getting a chance to wind down. I should say I THOUGHT they were actually.... I found them in there playing about 10 minutes later! ha! Stinkers. I had been feeding Owen in the living room and could hear them giggling. We turned off the movie and went into their room for prayers and tucking in. I didn't hear a peep out of them all night! I was happy!

Around 1 a.m. when I was heading to bed I went and got Dylan up to go to the bathroom. He decided again last night he wanted to go without a diaper. I got him up, he went and I put him back to bed. Around 3 he climbed into bed with me and I barely noticed. I was so tired! All I remember was him saying "will you get my paci out of my bed?" and I rolled over and went back to sleep! HAHA!! I can't believe I didn't go get it for him! THat makes me laugh. He managed fine without it apparently b/c he went to sleep too. At 6 a.m. he SHOT straight up in bed and startled me. I said "what's wrong bud?" and he said "PEE. I HAVE TO PEE" haha! I said "quick, get to the bathroom quick!" and he ran in there. Luckily he made it fine. :D I checked our bed and it was dry thankfully! We went back to bed but the Owen was up to eat so I brought him to our bed too. I think we were able to sleep about two more hours after that. I still didn't roll out of bed though until 9:30. haha! I love just laying in bed even when you're still awake. It's nice and cozy. Dylan on the other hand was up. He is always up the minute he SENSES daylight!

It's raining/snowing off and on today. Everytime I look out the window it's different. Hopefully the roads won't be TOO bad for Jake coming home. I'll be glad when he's home.

Today my grandma is having her lung biopsy. :( I hope that goes well and that she makes it through it fine and that it comes back okay. Praying praying praying it's not cancer.

Laundry is beckoning.....

Okay so I lied....

2008-01-27T15:03:00.000-08:00

.... and now the snow has coated our grass, street, truck, mailbox, bushes, and trees. God are you giving us a glimpse of North Dakota???

hahahahaha!!!!!

It's Raining It's Pouring The Children Are Snoring....

2008-01-27T14:31:00.001-08:00

All the kids are napping and Jake and I are sitting here on the couch listening to the water through the gutters and watching the extremely heavy snow fall. These flakes, er chunks, of snow are HUGE. It isn't sticking though, which is fine with me. We'll have our fair share of stuck on snow in about another month. That's right, another month. We have a little over 30 days before we begin our trek to North Dakota. So far I have only cleaned out the toys. In fact, here is an excerpt from an email I sent to my VERY organized friend. She said she was CLAPPING as she read it she was so excited for me. She knows I have not a single organizing bone in my body. ;-)

"Today I did AWESOME (if I do say so myself) with the toys. I set up bins for organizing/sorting and then I set up two mesh laundry baskets and I told Dylan that one was for toys to keep and one was for toys to give to other little boys who didn't have as many toys. I said we would take them to the Goodwill store. Later tonight he said "Who is Mr. Goodwill and why does he want to take my toys?" hahahaha! I thought I would die. ANyway, he FILLED the mesh basket for donations! YEAH!!That was close to half of their toys! I was so proud of him! He picked everything to go in there too and every time he said "I think I will give this to other little boys" :D We organized the toys we were keeping and got everything put away and the entire room vacuumed up, even moved furniture! :D We rearranged their room (not that it really matters b/c we don't have much longer here but he enjoyed it) and got everything set up all neat. I even have an entire garbage bag full of stuff to trash. It was broken toys, paper cups (they get their own water from the fridge when they want and I don't always know), broken crayons, paper airplanes that had seen better days. All that kind of stuff. A WHOLE BAG! OMGosh!! ;-) I hope we can keep it that way. Now we need to go through their clothes. I think I will let them do the same thing with those too..... pick which ones they want to keep and which ones the wany to donate. That seemed to work well and Dylan really enjoyed doing it. I say "Dylan" b/c Aidan really didn't get what we were doing. I had to direct him a lot."

So that was my big cleaning/organizing/purging event of the week. Lame I know, but for an unorganized girl like me, it's a big deal.
My sister in law is coming to help me purge/organize in the middle of February...just in time for the movers. I am SO EXCITED. She was totally born with the organizing gene (I am convinced there is such a thing) and she has graciously agreed to drive from Portland down here to help me. Have I mentioned that I love her? haha!
My mom has offered to help me, but she works and has little spare time. Plus, the combo of the two of us would result in very little purging I think.
My sister has also offered to help, but I need someone to boss me around and with me and my sister I think we'd both just end up staring at a large pile. ;-)
So, my sister in law it is. Teresa, THANK YOU! If I haven't said it enough, THANK YOU! ;-)

Tonight Jake and I are MAYBE going on a date. Maybe. It all depends on what we can do on ZILCH. haha! I'm thinking just to hang out period would be nice but we'll see. My mom is taking the older kiddos to the new Veggie Tales movie so we'll be home with just Owen for a while, then she's taking all of them so he and I can have some time together. Need to take advantage of that as much as we can before we move, b/c who knows when that will happen again. I'm a little nervous about that aspect of things when we move to Minot. Really, can we make it with no babysitter so we can go out ALONE once in a while? Or are we going to have to improvise and do the date thing AT HOME after the kids go to bed? I'm sure we'll figure out something....it's just uncharted waters right now.

OH! News..... I can't believe I forgot this before. Jake talked to the housing department at Minot and they said we qualify to be on the four bedroom housing list and it's a 0-30 day wait! YEAH! I'm very happy about that. My hope is that once we get to the base we will have a house to move into asap. Not sure if that is realistic of me at this point, but that guy sure gave me reason to hope!

What I said about the snow not sticking, I take that back. It's sticking. A lot.

Okay how about now???

2008-01-27T14:01:00.000-08:00

I really really like this one. BUT it doesn't have the blogger toolbar thingy at the top and that is sort of frustrating.

uuuggghhh. I'll live with this a while and see. I really like the coffee cup.

;-)

What do you think???

2008-01-25T17:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I like the new pad. I don't like the section for my blog part being so skinny and I'm not sure I love the font. ;-) I wonder if I can change that.......

I like the layout, I do. I think it will take some getting used to.

If you are reading this...let me know what you think.

Just thought I'd share......

2008-01-24T11:55:00.001-08:00

Dylan and Aidan are playing with the cardboard tubing from a paper towel role and Dylan held it up to his eye and said "ARRR Matey!" and I said "buddy you crack me up!" and that reminded me of something.....
A few weeks ago he kept saying to us "You crack! You crack me!" and that was all. We couldn't figure out why he was saying that until one day I said "You crack me up!" and then I realized..... "YOU CRACK" is his "you crack me up" hahaha! So funny the way their little brains work.
Oh my gosh, right now they are playing "baseball" with the tubing and a squishy ball and Dylan is telling Aidan "throw it on the bat! ON THE BAT! You gotta throw it ON the bat!" hahahaha! Oh my gosh. I said "no bud, I think you are supposed to hit it with the bat" heehee
Okay that's all. I need to do this more often b/c I have a feeling once we get to Minot, the grandparents might start reading the blog to catch up on the kiddos. ;-)

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!

2008-01-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

This was the top news story in the Minot Daily Newspaper. I'm just sayin.....

New pea unveiled at growers convention

A plant pathologist at the University of Montana is currently researching a pea hybrid with slow glucose release when eaten, but at the same time will stand and yield like standard field peas.

Lanita DID warn me that I could be forced to listen to the farm report in the mornings instead of music! hahaha!

TODDLERISMS

2008-01-22T18:35:00.000-08:00

Okay I am really bad at remembering what the boys say, and they say some pretty hilarious stuff. So, I'm taking a few minutes to think of a few....prompted by what Dylan just now said. LOL
He brought over a banana to me and said "Mommy, is this banana right?" I said "You mean RIPE?" and he said "yeah ripe. Is this banana right?" hahaha!
One night we had lasagna for dinner here about two weeks ago. He kept calling it "desagna" I don't know why he just did. He can say his L's pretty okay most of the time now, but for some reason lasagna starts with a "D" to him. He said "Hey MOMMY! Desagna starts with DOG!!" hahaha!
"Hey Mommy! (everything starts with HEY MOMMY) Fourty starts with FOUR!"
"Hey Mommy! Twenty starts with twenty!" Oh man that one made me roll. LOL
Or this one was HILARIOUS. "W starts with walrus!" hahahaha!!!
In school that is how they learn letters. Words that start with a certain letter they focus on for that day. So he is always saying that other words start with other words. So funny.
Like "Hey mommy! Aidan starts with Apple!"
"Dog starts with Dylan!"
Aidan likes to talk about monsters a lot. He likes to SHOOT monsters a lot. He comes up to me and WHISPERS that there are monsters and he is going to shoot them. Have you ever heard a two year old whisper? It is the funniest thing ever. It makes me laugh so hard! I love it.
One thing that DOESN'T make me laugh so hard.....when he is mad he says "shut your mouth!" Okay I MUST CLARIFY HERE: He did NOT learn that from us. 100% did not. Couldn't have. When Jake and I went to Lincoln City back in November the boys were shuffled around between my mom, grandma, and my sister....and when we came back, that was the first thing we heard him say. WONDERFUL. ;-) We are working on that. BUT, Jake and I secretly giggle at it sometimes. Bad I know.
Aidan is also the lover. He loves to hug and say "I wuv you mommy" I love how he says love. WUV.
He loves Owen too. He gets really close to his face and whispers "hey baby hey baby hey baby it's okay it's okay it's okay shhh shhh shhh" heehee Then he pats his head, kisses his cheek and said "I wuv you baby Oweeeeen"
Ahhhhh, I love to hear my kids talk....SOMETIMES.

Defeated.....at least it feels like it.

2008-01-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

I've been a bit down in the dumps the last few days. A bit mopey, a little sappy, kinda grumpy, VERY TIRED. A few of my nearest and dearest think it's because I've got a lot on my plate right now with the move and all, and that even though I've not really DONE anything the last several days, my mind has been racing and that can be tiring. Maybe. Maybe they are right.

I couldn't put my finger on why I had this "defeated" feeling. I am happy that we are moving, finally. I am happy with where we are going. I think this is going to be a good move for our little family. But I am feeling a little anxiety about it. About the transition. About not being around family. About settling down. I have been sitting around STARING at my house, watching the boys destroy it piece by piece. They are lucky I've mustered up the energy to feed and clothe them, nevermind cleaning the place up. I think they know I am weak and they have power over me right now. ;-) haha. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling this way. I should be happy. I should be bouncing off the walls. I should be grateful and thankful for everything that's happening in our life right now. But I just can't shake this feeling. Or the wondering why I feel like it. Until tonight. When I went to bed.

A few weeks ago I had decided to try to go along with the "FLYlady" method of housekeeping. I am so unorganized and get distracted so easily (evil evil computer) and I would rather spend the day playing with the boys or staring at Owen while he tries to master crawling. :D I had printed out the schedules and routines. I had been researching it online. I had even shined my kitchen sink. That is the first thing you are supposed to do. I read through my print outs at night before bed trying to commit it to memory and practice it the next day. I felt like I was making progress. Until this last thursday, when I knew our lives were changing....pronto. And that is when the "funk" settled in, and I couldn't figure out why. I still can't explain why I am so gosh awful tired these last few days, but tonight as I laid down to bed, I figured out why I have been in a mopey mood. I saw those papers laying on my night stand and instantly my heart sank. I knew that what I was feeling defeated. I had stopped doing what I set out to do to accomplish my goals. It wasn't setting right with me and it was affecting my days. I just didn't put the two together. Now that I know, I need to fix it. I hate responsibility. ;-)

Another bummer, to say the least..... my mom told me tonight that my grandma might have lung cancer. WONDERfreakingFULL. Last week they thought maybe her cancer had spread to her bones. They ran tests, nope, no bone cancer. Her lymphoma checked out to be okay, nothing bad there. BUt oh wait, there's a hot spot on her lung that "lit up like a christmas tree" that they want to biopsy. All signs point to NOT GOOD. So as I am laying in bed tonight realizing I have felt defeated these last few days, I started also thinking about my grandma. Maybe b/c I had just filled Jake in on it, but still, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then I started crying. I was laying there crying thinking about how fast people go with lung cancer. Thinking about everyone I knew who had lung cancer and how quickly they died after getting lung cancer. I started getting sick at my stomach thinking about how we aren't going to be here and if she has lung cancer how much time does she have left and will I be able to come home "when and if." My mind was like a runaway train. I coudn't stop it. I hate when that happens.

THEN, yes it gets better, THEN I start thinking about how I have been treating my family and my home. Like nothing. I have sat around and sulked b/c I can't DO what I want to DO...which is develope a lifestyle routine around here I can live with and still have time to spend with the kids w/o worrying about what mess they are making. I tend to be a black and white person, and that along with my perfectionism (yes, messy people can be perfectionists.... it's a long story....really it is....there's a whole book about it) doesn't bode well for me. I don't like distractions, I can't focus well with distractions. ANYTHING can be a distraction for me too. The tv, the phone, the radio, THE COMPUTER, the kids, Jake, anything. I need complete silence and NO ONE around me for me to focus on what I want done. Does this mean I have ADHD?? ;-) haha. Seriously? Does it? ;-) Anyway, that doesn't bode well for me b/c I am a SAHM who should be able to cope with these things. I really should. It's kind of my job, and I think I would be fired by now in the real world. What was the point of me telling this part??? Oh yes....... now that I have finally settled on a method to control my madness, it all gets tossed. Yes it is what we were hoping/praying/waiting for, but the timing, THE TIMING....God you are a funny funny man I tell ya. ;-) It all gets tossed, thrown out the window, and instead of being able to focus on the routine I had layed out before me, I now have to do the opposite....ransack my house to get rid of stuff, focus on the details of moving, prepare prepare prepare....and I don't feel like I can right now. It is overwhelming. And that makes me feel guilty.

I know I should be so grateful and on my hands and knees thanking God for taking care of this moving situation, but I find myself feeling slightly annoyed at the timing. The timing just SUCKS. I think I feel that way mostly b/c I am TERRIFIED of driving 1500 miles in the winter, and I am TERRIFIED about my grandma....oh yeah....and my mom. She's kind of got her own CRAP going on as well that I am worried about. Divorces never turn out well and to be honest, I am worried about her and scared for her. ANd I want to be here for her, but I won't be. :( That breaks my heart. :( I don't want to just be a voice on the phone for her, I want to be a shoulder, a hug, a smile for her. :( Between my grandma and the divorce, I know she is hurting right now. And scared.
Anyway, back to the timing..... I know it is not my timing....it is God's timing. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW THAT. I know that with everything in me but I also fight against it. What IS IT about us that makes us fight God even when we know He is right?? HUH? I wish someone would tell me.....b/c I hate it.
I need to trust God. I need to trust His timing. I need to trust that He will take care of my grandma. I need to trust that He will be the shoulder, the voice, the smile for my mom. I need to trust that He will get us to Minot and take care of us and provide for us while we are there. I do trust Him, I just don't trust me. Does that even make sense?? I don't know....all I know is, I think I have "broken." Kind of like when a fever "breaks" it's all better from there on out. The fever has broken, you start to feel better. You peak with sickness and a high fever and then BAM, it breaks and you are on the road to a better you. I hope that is what happened tonight as I was laying in bed crying with all of these thoughts and worries and feelings running through my head. Those aren't ALL of what has been bothering me, but they are the biggies. I think the next thing would be worrying about the boys and the move.....but that'll come later.

If you are reading this, please pray for me. Please pray for my grandma and my mom.

For some reason I am reminded of a poem this friend I had in high school wrote.
"I need a peace Lord help me now,
I need to let go, I don't know how.
Carry my pain, see me through,
Let it bring me closer to you."

AMEN. Now back to bed. ;-)

Minot North Dakota. Like it or not, here we go!

2008-01-19T10:31:00.000-08:00

So a bit of news. Just a bit. ;-)
My stomach is cramping as I type this out. Not that I regret choosing Minot, just that I am nervous about the transition and.....the drive. Seriously.

Okay, let me back up. Thursday Jake called his commander and said:
J: so, how's it looking with my orders? Does it look like I'll be getting them next month or not?
C: let me call you back.
(calls back)
C: you can have your pick between ABQ New Mexico, or Minot North Dakota. Call your wife. Make a decision. Call me back. BTW, you only have a few minutes.

GREAT!!!! Seriously? A few minutes to make a life altering decision???? And whatever happened to just GETTING your orders? You don't get to pick! That's crazy! Nothing about this was the norm by any means. It was throwing us off big time! I said to Jake "why don't they just PICK a place and send us?" and he said "Do you really want them to pick?" Well no, I guess I didn't.

After much thought and consideration (as much as a few minutes would allow) we chose Minot. I know, I know.... pretty much EVERYONE thinks that was a bad choice, but believe me, we have GOOD reasons for choosing Minot. In the long run, it will be the best choice for our family. Jake and I are in total agreement on this. Now the part I DON'T like....we are moving in 44 days. 44 DAYS!!!! We will be driving through the northernmost states in the dead of winter....with all three kids....and me and my anxiety........ and paranoia. That is truly the only part of this whole thing that has me worried/bothered. I am a little stressed though about all the purging and organizing we will have to do before the movers come. That part makes me stomach turn and my heart race.I am NOT GOOD at organizing efficiently. I get overwhelmed with it. I shut down. That is what I did yesterday and the day before. COmpletely shut down and didn't do a THING. Not even the normal things I should have been doing for the sake of a picked up house. I just had too much clutter in my mind to focus. This makes me nervous for the next few weeks.

So anyway, that is what is going on around here. Praise the Lord the grandparents are a godsend today. My mom has offered to take the boys today for a few hours so we can focus on stuff here (b/c seriously, we have to start NOW) and Jake's mom has offered to take Dylan overnight for the first time ever! :D This should be exciting for him. I hope he does well, as he's never spent more than a couple of hours over there by himself, and that was before Aidan was born....so it's been a while.

Off to pack up the turds, as we so lovingly call them, and drop them with my mom for a few hours. Think anyone'll notice if I go shopping instead? I think I need some retail therapy!! ;-)
hahaha!

Actually, if anyone knows a good organizer and purger, send 'em my way!

OH and if you're wondering WHY we chose Minot, I'll save that for another post.

So sad how easily I am amused....

2008-01-14T20:28:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was feeding Owen his rice cereal. I've been feeding this to him for a few days now and he's not all that great at opening his mouth. He just smiles. That's it....smiles and I try to slide the food right in. This has been a bit frustrating. Not nearly as bad as when Dylan was a baby.....the fact that he didn't eat right away when we started foods sent me into a tearful fit. I just KNEW I'd have an anorexic baby. And truly, to this day, he is still my pickiest eater. Aidan, on the other hand, ate ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. There was nothing he wouldn't eat. So now there's Owen. He seems to like what I'm feeding him, he just won't open his mouth. A perfect blend of Dylan and Aidan. We should have named him Daidan. Ha! Now there's a name.

ANYWAY, (man I get sidetracked!) tonight Owen OPENED HIS MOUTH! I know. Ridiculously lame to get THISEXCITEDABOUTBUTIAM! I was clapping and laughing and saying "YEAH!!" over and over again. You would have thought the kid stood up and walked across the floor. I loved it. It sent such joy straight to my mommy heart. I couldn't have been prouder.

So funny........ I crack myself up.

Processing (I'm real original with titles huh?)

2008-01-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately (what's new huh?) and I think I have to reprioritize my life. God had been whispering in my ear for a while about scaling back. I ignored it. Then He started tapping me on the shoulder. I shrugged that off as well. I found it annoying actually. Have you ever had someone tap or poke you over and over and over again? It becomes annoying and painful. And that is what it has become. Painful. "God! You are becoming a pain in my shoulder!" I would find myself thinking. I chose to live with the pain and not do anything about it.

Now He is messing with my gut and my heart and my emotions. He is relentless I tell you! Relentless! I've had a pit in my stomach for over a week now. I've had this nagging feeling in my heart and I want to cry whenever I think about all that He is wanting me to think about right now...... B/c sometimes I do think about it. Sometimes I cave in and say "Okay God, you've got me. I'll start processing through this stuff asap" and then when I start, I get all weepy and sick feeling. So, I retreat. Where do I retreat?? Here. My computer. The internet. Other blogs. I am an avid blog reader. I may not always leave comments, but I read blogs (almost) all day every day. My grandma and my mother-in-law think this is the strangest thing a person could waste, er spend, their time doing. I compare it to people watching. I could sit and watch people for HOURS. I love it. Put me in the food court at the mall with something yummy to sip on (eating would be better actually!), and I'm golden. I would also prefer to wear sunglasses so no one would know I am STARING, but that would just look odd in the mall.

So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, retreating.

This worked for some time, until God started leading me to blogs that addressed this very issue!! What is WITH Him??? Seriously?! Can't a girl just run away w/o someone looking for her?? So, my new escape plan was turning out to be a problem. Topics that God had been trying to get me to think about for some time kept popping up in these blogs, it was very tricky now that I look back on it. What better way to get my attention. There was no way I WASN'T going to read, so LITERALLY all of a sudden I could see God everywhere. More specifically I could see what He had been trying to get me to see for all these weeks, you see? Have I lost anyone yet? ;-) It made me think. HARD. It made me cry. It, again, made me sick at my stomach.

I don't like change. I don't like admitting I've been wrong. I don't like admitting I am currently doing something wrong. I don't like relenting. I like being right. I like thinking that I am making the best choices possible. I like to be the one to point out errors, not be the one pointed at. This is all very embarrassing for me to admit, but in an attempt to be real and honest....there it all is. I say THAT b/c all of these blogs I have been reading have been very real and honest and in that they caused me to think. So for that I am grateful, and can now only ask the same of myself.

Some things I have sensed God calling me to do:

Pray. To pray for anyone and everyone I know, no matter what it is. You see, I tend to make a judgement for myself as to whether something really NEEDS prayer. Stupid and selfish. EVERYTHING needs prayer! HELLO!!!! Selfish b/c I think my motivation behind that is thinking "like I don't have enough to do already, I have to add one more thing to my list!" What's funny to me is that I have known this for weeks, possibly even months, that God was calling me to a serious life of prayer. Of course, I ignored it, and just here recently, He has CLEARLY brought about people for me to pray for. Before, I could just sense it on my heart to do it. I would do it with an "alright FINE" attitude. But recently, He has been ever so CLEAR. People have actually come to me and specifically ASKED. In order to come to me and ask me for prayer is not so easy. You have to specifically find me. I'm not some person you'll see around town, or walking down the street or even talk to on the phone all that often (unless you live in Wisconsin or Las Vegas! ha!). So the fact that I had people specifically asking was God saying to me, "I will get you. I will find you. I won't give up on you." So last night when my dear friend (who shall remain nameless at her request) asked me to pray for something in particular and said she only thought to ask me, I knew it was God speaking. I knew it. So, I relent. In fact, I was moved to NEAR tears....you know, when you get all choked up and think that if you don't hold your breath you may start bawling. That.

Live a better life. Now I know that encompasses A LOT. For me though, it's been very specific. Certain areas that are specific only to me and my life, I have felt God saying "this is not right. This needs to change. This needs to be better. YOU can be better." It would do me no good to clarify here, b/c quite honestly it would be too difficult. Mostly, it's just the way I live my life and the things I think.....that only God knows I think. It's funny..... having only God know what you really think. B/c you tend to keep things to yourself that you don't want to be called on. Things you don't want to be held accountable for. The funny part is that the only person it matters to is God and He is the only person who could possibly know even the things you are hiding. Now I understand if that last sentence was jumbled for some, it was for me too when I reread it. But I still know what I meant. ;-) Basically, my point is, you get "found out" anyway. God will take of you. And I don't mean "take of you" like make sure you have food and clothing and are healthy and all that jazz. I mean He will take care of your SINFUL nature. Like when the boys get in trouble I say "I'll take of you" and I march them back to their room for a stern disciplinary action (and no I'm not talking a spanking, although I am a firm believer in that). God has been "taking care of me" on a very personal level lately. *OUCH* It hurts me ego more than anything, which in the end is a good thing. ;-)

Be a better example. This sort of goes with the previous topic. Once I start living a better life, my example will just naturally follow. So this one is sort of a double whammy.

DO LESS. I think I blogged about this before. I have not been so good at meeting that goal. #$&$&^% RESOLUTIONS!!!! God keeps pressing on my heart to turn OFF the tv, to CLOSE my laptop, to UNPLUG my phone. Seriously. Unplug it. I have been ignoring Him obviously. And it is causing more pain than pleasure. Funny thing about ignoring God, it hurts. I can't tell you how many times I have seen in blogs that someone has taken a "blogging break" or fasted from something that was taking up too much time and energy and thought. It really got me thinking. Thinking, not doing. Yet. I think this one is the hardest of all of them actually.

Something else that has really come up a lot.....The Proverbs 31 woman. Ya know, I kind of have a love/hate feeling about her. While I really want to BE her, I don't feel like that is attainable for me. That is where the hate part comes in. *I use hate lightly* My honest to goodness true hearts desire is to strive to be that Woman, and I think *KNOW* that God knows that. I think that is where all these other things come into play. I can't attain Proverbs 31 with all these distractions and "less than" habits. Now that is JUST ME. That's not the case for everyone. Just me. And God knows me. I think that is where all His tweaking is coming from. ;-) "Be patient, God's not finished with me yet" I think this saying is fitting. ;-)

That's about all I want to delve into right now. "WHAT?! THERE'S MORE?!?" Yes, I am sorry so to say, there is more. I'll save it though. This is enough for now. Going to go chew my cud now.

Death to Stuart Little!!

2008-01-11T14:48:00.001-08:00

We have a mouse. A mouse in our house. In our house we have a mouse.
Apparently I've been reading too much of Mother Goose Rhymes. The rhyming is rubbing off. ;-)

Actually we have had a mouse for a while, it lived IN the walls up in the corner of the living room. It's little scrapings sounded like a bird in the gutter. So, for a long time I thought it was a bird in the gutter. One night I said to Jake "listen, there's a bird in the gutter!" and Jake said "NO, that's a mouse in the walls." How nice that he has known this for some time and didn't see the need to mention it. The next night, I noticed some blue plastic pieces coming out of a cabinet onto the stove. We open the cabinet door. There sits my BLUE bag of coconut shavings from the truffles I made at Christmas. Jake takes it out of the cabinet. HUGE hole in the bottom!!!! He takes out my bag of brown sugar.....Hole in the bottom. My bag of powdered sugar..... Hole in the bottom. My bag of granulated sugar...... You guessed it.....hole in the bottom! However, my huge bag of flour sat untouched by the sugar high mouse.

Can you just imagine this mouse?! After all that sugar can you imagine what he must look like? Like a mouse on crack I am sure. I would love to see the damage he has done to the insides of my walls on that sugar high!

So, Jake sets a trap that night. He is so excited about catching this mouse. He is talking the "The Godfather" while he is setting up this trap. He is entirely too amused by this, and entirely too excited to trap a mouse. A day goes by, the mouse outsmarted Jake twice and nibbled the PB just around the edges of the trap. Another day goes by, Jake was outsmarted by Stuart Little again. Yes, I call him Stuart Little. Finally, in the wee morning hours of the next day, 2:30 am to be exact, I am up nursing Owen and I fall asleep. I wake up to this LOUD WHACK and I jump. It's him. It's the mouse. It's Stuart Little. I jump up, Owen still attached (literally) to me and I walk as fast as I can down the hall. When I walk past the kitchen I can HEAR him in there flopping around in the cabinet. He isn't dead. HE ISN'T DEAD. GROSS. The trap keeps hitting the cabinet doors and I am afraid he will fall out.....not afraid for him, afraid for ME who would have to SEE him. EW. So, I wake up Jake. Jake is NOT happy. "It's 2:30 in the freaking morning! Are you kidding me? I don't want to deal with this now!" He is not mad at me. He is mad at the mouse for deciding to get caught at such an ungodly hour. He checks on the mouse. He comes back to bed. He says "The mouse is not dead, it just caught him by his leg, he's just laying there." EW EW EW EW. I lay awake for a long time after that thinking of the mouse, afraid he will get lose and then die in the walls somewhere and stink up my house.

The next morning at breakfast the boys and I are at the table eating our yummy whole wheat pancakes and Jake decides to check on the mouse. He is now dead. I say he had a heart attack. Dylan of course wants to see the mouse. At first I thought "why not?" and then at second thought decided it would probably NOT be a good idea. He still wants to see it. Jake thinks it will be okay. So, I give in. I don't DARE look. I will pass out, I know it. Just the knowledge that there is a mouse behind me is almost too much to deal with. I watch Dylan instead. His eyes get H.U.G.E. HUGE! All he says is "ooooooooooh." It was hilarious! I laugh to do the impression b/c it is so funny. The look on his face was priceless. I think he regretted looking.

YEAH! We got our culprit. End of story. Right?

WRONG.

Last night I was laying in bed w/Dylan b/c when I was checking on them he said "mommy will you lay down with me for a few minutes?" How do you say no to that? While I was laying there, I heard......scratching. And there are no gutters on the outside of Dylans wall halfway down. ANOTHER MOUSE. Good grief.

Here we go again.........

New Years Resolutions

2007-12-29T11:07:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking a lot about my New Years Resolutions. Don't roll your eyes, I'm sure it crosses everyones mind at least ONCE.
Anyway, I was thinking about all these things I felt I shoud DO...... work out more, eat better, be more organized, do my laundry more often (I loathe laundry), start waking up at least an hour before my earliest riser (Dylan, crack of dawn). These are all things I really do want to do, but I started feeling overwhelmed with my "TO-DO" list for the New Year. I was already starting the year off BEHIND and OVERWHELMED, and it's not even the first yet! I was sabotaging my plans of "being a better me" by thinking of everything I should DO in the new year. I already felt I had failed b/c it was all just too much to DO. y/k?
So, I have a new New Years Resolution. To do less. I know, it sounds opposite of what my original plan was, but really, it help me achieve those goals for myself I think. I spend a great amount of time online (mornings mostly), talking on the phone (all day), and watching tv (late at night). I also spend a lot of time worrying. I realized that these things take up a LOT of my time. Time that could be spent preparing better meals, excercising, actually doing laundry on a regular basis, organizing my closets..... everything I WANT to do, but don't have time for. I think that is why it felt overwhelming to think about....b/c I already feel like I don't have a lot of time. So, by doing less, I hope that I will just naturally do all those things I want to do. If not, no biggie, it will still give me more TIME.
Doing less of those things that suck the life out of my brain and my time. I want to give my kids more time too, and I don't want to spend that time staring at a screen or talking into a phone, or worrying about the countless things I worry about. So that is my resolution this year, to do LESS. I hope it works.

Brat Attack

2007-12-09T16:48:00.000-08:00

*copied and pasted from my myspace blog yesterday*
10:20 PM - Brat Attack! Current mood: tired
Okay so maybe calling it a brat attack is a little harsh.....
Today I took Dylan and Mckenna to their first birthday party with their "friends" from their preschool class, all 5 of them, not including Dylan and Mckenna. I was the only parent to hang back and stick around. Seriously, WHO leaves their 3 and 4 year old kids with total strangers? And no, all of these parents DON'T know eachother. They just know that their kids go to preschool together. I was not comfortable leaving my kids at someone's house that I did not know. So, I hung around. Good thing too b/c Dylan was NOT having it..... it took him about 45 minutes to melt off of me, and then it was only for cake. Mckenna on the other hand was gone the minute we walked through the front door! LOL She is such a busy little social butterfly! The party consisted of 4 girls and 2 boys so the main theme of afternoon was princesses and dolls. Not much to participate in for the boys except tossing balloons around, which Dylan was more than happy to do.
When it was time for cake all the kids were sitting around the table and the parents were in the kitchen getting the cake ready. I was sitting in a chair off to the side. The little girl whose bday it was has a 10 year old brother and he had two friends over. She started calling her brother a STUPID POO POO FACE and laughing and before I knew every other kid (besides my two) was doing the same thing. I was relieved that mine weren't following suite. The dad came in with a video camera and was taping all of the kids saying STUPID POO POO FACE and he was actually LAUGHING. I was not happy. I also felt uncomfortable b/c I wanted them to stop b/c I KNEW it was just a matter of time before Dylan and Mckenna would feel pressure to join in. I didn't feel it was my place to discipline the other kids though and that the parents of the bday girl should have put a stop to it.
Just as I had expected I heard Dylan say "POO POO FACE!" and I immediately snapped "DYLAN." and looked at him and shook my head with my most serious face. Next was Mckenna, to which I did the same thing. Both of them just sat there with these stone cold looks on their faces. The other kids were all laughing and STILL saying it. They thought it was hilarious. Dylan and Mckenna both tried it ONE more time and I finally said "we don't talk like that OR call names, UNDERSTAND?" and I never heard another POO POO out of either one of them. I felt bad for them though, they were totally under the peer pressure sitting at that table and were probably a little embarrassed that I called them on it right there, but I just did NOT want my kiddos behaving like that. I was slightly disappointed that they did, but at the same time not surprised....they are learning still.
The little girl that this party was for was SO SELFISH too. No one could play with ANYTHING at all and her grandma and mom just sat there watching her boss everyone around and take toys from them while saying "no, you can't have that." She said it to Mckenna when Mckenna picked up a doll to play with and Mckenna of course got upset and I made a point to say in front of the grandma "Mckenna honey, if she doesn't want you to play with her special toy then I guess she needs to put it away where it can't be played with, and I want you to remember not to be selfish honey (hint hint to the bday girl)." I was SO IRRITATED.
Needless to say, it was QUITE an experience for sure. I left there thinking "oh my gosh, these two are MUCH BETTER behaved than the kids in their class. I am so surprised at how well behaved they were compared to the other kids!" I really think somedays that I must have kids that are tyrants b/c I see them ALL the time and at their worst and I worry that they show their "tantrum" side when I can't see them all the time. Well I was pleasantly surprised today. I called my mom and said "Dylan and Mckenna are FAR better behaved than the kids they go to school with" and she told me that their teacher (a close friend of my moms) tells her that all the time..... they are the youngest kids in their class, and the best behaved. I was one proud mama today, that's for sure.
Note to self: never let them attend a bday party alone!

Alert the media, I'm posting a blog!

2007-11-24T22:33:00.000-08:00

So I think I've given up on the whole blog thing lately. Seriously I am just TOO busy and I tend to get sucked in when I am online so I try not to get on too much anymore. When I can manage to get on it's so late and I can't think straight enough to blog. Plus I think "what would I write about? Pooping, peeing, nursing, spit up, cleaning, errands....." the list goes on and on of boring day to day stuff. There has been some cute exciting stuff though.
Owen rolled over on his FOUR MONTH bday. That was exciting. He instantly flips over to his belly when we lay him on his back. He is so cute too the way he just looks up and around at everything. We went to Jake's Recruiters Annual around the middle of the month. That was actually a LOT of fun. I am so glad I ended up going with him for sure. Up until the night before it was still not for sure that I was going. I am glad it worked out though. We had a nice time together. My sister came back from Utah after only a month there. Not sure what the story really is there but I think she is back to stay. I am glad to see my nieces though so that is good! I was sad about the thought of not really knowing baby Naomi so I am glad to get to see her. Dylan is just over the moon that McKenna is here. They are so close it just breaks my heart to think of how sad he will be when we move. To be honest though, I am glad that now McKenna has a little sister to be buddies with b/c before when they were gone (the last time) she didn't really have a buddy but now she will, and Dylan has Aidan and soon Owen will be joining in on the fun. That kid is growing like a WEED! He is just SO cute and full of smiles. I don't think I have had a baby that smiles so much. Aidan hardly ever smiled as a baby and Dylan did smile a lot, but he fussed a lot too. Owen just smiles all the time. He is sleeping better too. My mom weened him off of the paci while we were gone that week and ironically he sleeps a LOT better without it. I am glad. I wouldn't have been strong enough to ween him off of it. Also I am giving him ONE, just ONE, formula bottle at night. It was very hard the first time I gave it to him b/c I felt AWFUL but he sleeps so much better at night after that bottle and I am desperate for more than two hours of sleep at a time. My mom said that she did that with him when she had him and he slept really good so I thought I'd give it a try. Turns out it's working. With Dylan I let him have a bottle every so often b/c I didn't pump much with him so when he was with my mom or someone else they'd just give him formula and it never bothered me. Aidan on the other hand only had ONE formula bottle his entire "nursing" period and that was when he had "hand, foot, mouth disease" and went on a nursing strike. After that one bottle I felt devestated so I pumped. I was a bit nazi about it. I am trying to find a happy medium here. I feel okay about it too, especially since I have every intention of nursing this one as long as possible. I am hoping two years. Aidan went for 15 months so that was nice. :D
We got out tree up today. YES we have a fake tree. YOU try having two boys who wrestle and play like crazy and a baby that puts everything in his mouth..... we would have a floor full of needles and a naked tree if we did a real one this year. Our first "fake" year was last year. I was just TIRED of dealing with the needles falling from the boys touching the tree all the time and worrying about the needles getting eaten. I LOVE having a fake tree though. I thought I would not like it so much but I do like it. I look at it like this....... being a military family we will never really have more than a few Christmases in the same house. We can't go to the SAME tree farm every year, we can't put decorations in the SAME place every year, we can't decorate outside the SAME every year. There are few things that can be a constant and if a fake tree is one of those it actually gives me a sense of comfort, if that makes any sense. A friend of mine told me once that it always bugged her that nothing could be "traditionally done" b/c you are always moving so she had certain things she ALWAYS did or put up and her kids loved that some of those things were always the same. So, our tree will always be the same, and I like that now. I said when we bought it I would only do a fake tree while the kids were little and until they are old enough to want a real one I think that is how it is going to be. Right now I like the idea of something staying the same.
Jake put up our outside lights on Thanksgiving. I love being the first house on the street with our lights up. :D He did a good job. The boys LOVE it! Dylan is so funny and has such a good memory too! He said "WHY did Daddy put a wreath on the garage? We did NOT have one on there LAST year!" HA! He is right too...we didn't! Another sort of funny thing he is saying....when Aidan is jabbering at him Dylan says "Okay Aidan, that's enough, I have told you a HUNDRED times already!" heehee And today when Aidan was telling Dylan about something Dylan said "Aidan you have told me that a HUNDRED times, you can stop now!" AH HA HA! Gee, I wonder where he heard THAT from?
Aidan is a little copy cat too..... EVERYTHING Dylan says he says. Like just now Dylan was calling for me in his bed and I said "what do you want" and he said "I have to go poop" so I let him up to do that. When I took him back to bed Aidan was standing up in his crib and said "I have to go poops too!" heehee Silly kid. He so badly wants to be JUST like Dylan.
Tonight I think Jake and I are going to drag out the decorations for the inside of the house. We are going to do the tree decorations tomorrow night. Jake is going on 12's this week until further notice (all of them are) so really this will be our only time to really do a full days worth of stuff for a long time. And I don't want a bare tree up for over a week before we decorate it and I would love his help doing the house too. So, we will welcome December with a fully decked house, inside and out.

What kid doesn't want to dress up for Halloween?!

2007-10-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

11:00 PM - What kid doesn’t want to dress up for Halloween?! Current mood: blank
My kid apparently! Dylan has been so difficult this year when it comes to his Halloween costume. At first he wanted to be a pirate. For WEEKS he said he wanted to be a pirate. So, I got him a pirate costume. Didn't fit. It got stuck on his head and he freaked! I returned it and tried to get him to pick out a different costume and he wanted none of it. He said he wasn't going to dress up for Halloween this year. I think he was doing it just to irritate me. I found a cool fireman outfit and said "Hey Dil, you could be a fireman!" and he said "but MOM I already have that at home. My rain jacket!" His rain coat looks like a fireman coat so he said he would just wear that. Still trying to get him to get on board with a costume I said "But this one has a cool yellow fireman hat!" and he said "but MOM I have one of THOSE too! I'll just wear that." True, he does have a yellow contsruction "hard hat." I guess he's an economical three year old. My mom, trying to change his mind about a costume too, said "Dylan, Carson is going to be an elephant, are you sure you don't want to dress up in costume?" and then he said "YEAH! I want to be an ELEPHANT!" I just shot my mom this look like "thanks a lot" and she started laughing and took off down the isle. That would all be great except that they didn't HAVE any elephants. We walked through walmart with him crying for an elephant. Later that day my mom remembered she had an elephant costume Weston had worn last year so she brought it over, but by that time he didn't want to be an elephant anymore either! This kid is KILLING ME!
Anyway, that was a few weeks ago. I have held onto the elephant costume with high hopes that he would change his mind. Nope. Now he wants to be a frog. Well now it is too late to find a good costume anywhere, especially a frog. I tell him he can't be a frog b/c he waited too late to pick something (he only picked this like a week ago) so now he is back to "I don't want to be ANYFING FOR HALLOWEEN!" Greeeeeeeeeeeat.
So tonight I say "are you SURE you don't want try on the elephant costume?" and he says "no I will just be Thomas." He was Thomas the Train last year and we still have the costume so I guess he has decided he will be a repeat this year. Good grief. Who knows what he will actually be when it comes right down to it. We still have about 20 hours to go until he has to be in an actual costume.
Aidan on the other hand is going to be the cutest clown you have ever seen! I had bought him a giraffe costume last year when they went on sale after Halloween but it doesn't fit him like I hoped it would. Plus he was very scared of the giraffes head being above his head. He kept looking up at the nose and going cross eyed!
Owen will be.....nothing. Alert the bad mom media.... I'm not dressing up my baby. I had some baby Halloween outfits but I gave them to Teresa when Kambrie was a baby b/c I thought we were done having kids. I had actually forgotten about them until just the other day. Oh well, he would just spit up all over it anyway.

Back in the (blog) saddle again!

2007-10-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

12:25 AM - How does this blog thing work again? It’s been so long.... Current mood: tired
I feel like a newbie blogger all over again. Where do I begin? What do I say? Will anyone even READ this word vomit?

The funny thing about blogging is that you tend to think in "blog" even when you aren't currently blogging. It has been driving me NUTS to be blogging in my mind and have no time or access to spit it all out. Now that I am here I am blank. BLANK I tell you blank! How is this possible??? I'll just be sproradic in my thoughts tonight I guess.... although, how is this any different than a normal day? I KNOW you were totally thinking that.

Some things have been going through my mind....

The California fires....oh.my.word. Can I just say that I sat there watching and thinking about all of those people and all of that stuff that they lost, irreplaceable stuff, and I was just so overwhelmed. All I could think about was my kids. What would I do if I was all alone and something like that happened? How would I get my kids out? What would I do? I have too many kids... KIDDING! I just don't have enough arms. I need one more. That would be sweet. Or creepy. Anyway, watching all of that footage just made me feel so grateful for everything we have. When we got married we literally had NOTHING. Not even a bed. Jake had to go buy our first bed before I moved to Missouri. Note to self, never let Jake buy a bed w/o me there. I swear he bought a piece of concrete slab. I hated that bed. I love my bed now though. California King baby! Oh yeah. It's funny the things you think about when you are watching someone else's tradgedy. I just sat and looked around my house, looked at my kids while they were sleeping, looked at Jake picking his nose (KIDDING!) and just was overwhelmed with how blessed we have been and how lucky we are to even be where we are today. Not that things are perfect, oh my word no. In fact, I am sure I could find MORE to complain about than to be happy about, but seeing all of those burned down houses really put things in perpsective for me. I have been lacking perspective lately.

Having Three Boys.... what did I get myself into? AH HA HA! SERIOUSLY! I watch Dylan and Aidan wrestling and I just cringe at the anticipation I feel waiting to hear a bone snap or a see an eye roll across the floor! I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day while watching them attempt to kill each other and I said "Oh my gosh mom all they do is wrestle and beat the crap out of each other! It makes me nervous!" and she said "Brandy! You have BOYS! You'd better get used to it!" I said "I know, but it makes me so nervous!" What's new? Something makes me nervous. Alert the media. I just think about Owen in another year and a half or so and wonder if he'll survive the other two! Poor little fella! But really truly, I look at my three boys lately and I am just overwhelmed with how much I love them. I told Jake that I look at them and just want to cry b/c I want to hold them forever and never let them go ever. They grow so fast.

My meds..... okay so remember that blog "Oh blah dee oh blah daa life goes on..." and how I was talking about being depressed and all that jazz? Well I did call my doctor and I did get in with a therapist and I did get on meds. It was the toughest decision I think I have ever made. Seriously. I was very torn over it. I cried a lot of tears deciding if I should do this. I even sat in my OB's office and cried to her. I cried to my pediatrician. I cried to my lactation consultant. Seriously, I cried a lot. I finally decided that I was tired of being tired and tired of being SAD all the time. Let's just say it does get darkest before the dawn and in hindsight I see that a lot of things really did happen for a reason. Two of those things being the fact that we are not moving right now. I NEVER would have broke down and called my doctor had we gotten our orders. I just wouldn't have. I was putting all my hope in moving, and that was wrong. Another thing was my computer. I think that if I had had access to my computer during all of this I wouldn't have given myself the chance I needed to realign my life and priorities. I was spending way too much time online. It was my numbing drug I think. Honestly, it let me get lost when I couldn't cope with anything else. Now that I have been on them for a while and they have kicked in, I can COMPLETELY tell the difference. I am happier. I am not a snapping at everyone around me. I can cope with a less than perfect house. Not that it doesn't bother me still, but I can handle it a lot better. I don't cringe when I hear my kids being kids. I don't dread the next day. I don't want to cry just because I woke up and am dreading the day. Now I wake up and think, "where do I start? what do I need to do?" and it doesn't overwhelm me most days like it did before. I feel normal again. As normal as I can be. har har! heehee I still have a long way to go, and I'm continuing therapy for that, and charting my moods and days, but I am thinking more clearly and the fog is lifting. I am so grateful for that right now.

My mom and Bob.... they are getting a divorce and really I am surprised at how this is affecting me. I really am sad about this. I hadn't been letting myself think about it before b/c really I don't think I could emotionally handle it before, but now, I've been thinking about it and I don't like it. It makes me sad. Already I find myself not liking whoever my mom would choose to date after the divorce. How "ten years old" is that?! I am sad to think about the house that I basically grew up in not being there anymore for me to call "home." Even though Bob and I aren't "tight" I did find comfort in seeing him around the house and just knowing that he was there. I didn't always agree with him or even completely enjoy him all the time, in fact we disagreed a lot, but I still just always felt like he would always be around. It never really occured to me that he could NOT be there one day. I know my mom is unhappy, and I want her to be happy, I just wish it didn't have to be this way. And then, in thinking that, I feel like I'm not being loyal to her or something, and I want to be loyal to my mom and support her, but I just feel torn. Like I am betraying her by saying that I will miss Bob or even that I wish she wasn't divorcing him.

Jake's stupid Annual Banquet coming up...... seriously I am not really looking forward to this thing. I am however looking forward to three nights away with my husband and NO kids! This is our yearly "get away" and as much as I don't like faking a friendly face for a bunch of people that I would love to scream at, I will do just about anything to hang with Jake for a few days minus the kids. We are so good when it's just us and no kids. I miss those days in Missouri when it was just us hanging out all the time. I love when we get a piece of that back..... like on our date nights or our little trips like this. We do this trip and one for our anniversary, but that has only been since we moved back here. I hope it's something we can keep up after we move (if we ever move!) The one thing I really am looking forward to though is wearing my dress. This dress is AMAZING! I love it. It is gorgeous! And my goal is for NO ONE to guess that had a baby since last years annual, since last year I was hecka skinny and everyone commented on it (b/c the year before that I was 9 months pregnant!). I love when Jake is proud and that is my goal for him. That is one thing I remember reading in "For Women Only" that husbands really are proud when their wives try to look nice for them and how sometimes other men will see a guys wife and think either "WOW he's lucky, she takes care of herself (by trying to look nice)" or they think "poor guy" and I will not have people say "poor guy!" Although, I have not been excercising really at all and that is baaaad. I have hit a wall with this weight loss and it's clear to me that I am not going to lose anymore unless I kick it up a notch. I guess I should use that elliptical I bought huh?

Okay I think that is enough for tonight. Good grief it's late and Owen is awake again to eat.

Oh blah dee Oh blah daa life goes on.....

2007-09-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

ooooooh la la la la life goes on. (Sorry I had to.)

Anyway, I came here for serious reasons and I now I have that song stuck in my head. So I guess I'll get a few other things out of my head so I can concentrate on why I'm here at all.
I hate ants. They are evil. They have devoured my kitchen. I believe there are ants in hell....it's part of the package.
I hate it when there are people missing from a party, especially if they have implied they are coming.... now I am left with party favors and balloons I don't know what to do with. ugh. (however my sisters shower was still pretty sweeeeeet. hehe)
I hate a messy house, and mine is half messy....really. The kitchen (besides the ants), the bathroom, the living room, and dining area (so not a room) is clean..... however all the bedrooms and our bathroom are a mess. blah. And you may be asking "how do you have ants if your kitchen is clean?" I have no idea. They are coming from UNDER the fridge. Great. Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow. Last night they were coming from under the stove so I pulled that out and vacuumed and mopped the floor under the stove. That was fun. *SNIDE*
Did I mention I hate ants??

Okay I think that was everything that is grating on me at the moment.

======

So I made a call on, ummm.... Thursday I think? to my OB and told her that I basically lied on Monday at my 6 week check up. I am slightly depressed, but not in a horribly negative way. I know, that sounds stupid. I think it's more anxiety than anything. Sometimes uncontrollable anxiety. Sometimes edginess (shaking, jitters). Sometimes downright SADNESS for no reason at all. I KNOW it's the hormones, what else would it be?I have just been fighting this. I told her it's not like it was when I was pg with Owen....that was pure evil anger. This is just SAD. Really. I was crying on the stinking phone talking to her about it b/c I was mad that I lied and didn't just take care of this on Monday. Before I talked to her I did some research online about antidepressants while nursing. EVERYTHING said "the benefits of nursing and the mother's wellbeing far outweigh the risks to the baby" and I just don't think I buy that load. I can't wrap my brain around ANY reason to subject my baby to drugs that will have some not so great effects on him. The one she wants to put me on she said is recommended for nursing b/c it ONLY will cause sleepiness, less frequent nursing, and weight loss in my baby. ONLY. Oh well in THAT case where do I sign up to make my baby stop eating, start sleeping, and lose weight?!?! He's looking a bit chunky, it's time to put him on a CELEXA diet. ugh. I just cannot justify it in my brain right now. It breaks my heart. :( I told her all of my worries and how I would feel horrible guilt for any side effects to him. She suggested I talk to their counselor about it and together (all three of us) can determine if that is a good option for me or not. I'm not sure. I just wish I could do this on my own.
Funny thing is though.... that yesterday and today I actually got my butt up and DID stuff.... like showered and was busy all day long.....and I feel pretty good. I'm tired, but I'm not weepy and I'm not edgy. BUT, yesterday I didn't have any of the kids with me all day (shower prepping) and today was a whirlwind that ended with a big party. My appt with the counselor is on Thursday and with my doctor on Friday. My goal this week is to try to get up and get ready for the day and be busy everyday....whether it's busy at home, or elsewhere, but just be DOING something instead of sitting on my arse. I need to have a goal for the day. I am hoping that that will make a difference. I don't know. I could just be kidding myself.
I do know that at the end of the day the yucky feelings, the "not right with myself" feelings are still lingering there. I hate hormones.

The counselor I have seen off and on for 2 years now and just got done seeing again (Jake and I just went a few times together) was telling me that I have my feelings of worth wrapped up in how well I keep my house clean, how good of a wife/mom/daughter/friend I am.... and that that's not right. I don't agree.I was kind of frustrated the last time I talked to her b/c she thinks that I need to let everything go and not worry about it. Easier said than done. And so what if my feelings of worth ARE wrapped up in those things.....those are the things I want to be good at. The things I WANT to do well in my life. I may have grown up saying I wanted to DO something "when I was all grown up" but always in my mind I had a picture of what I wanted to BE. And a (semi) perfect SAHM was always what I pictured. Am I holding myself up to a standard that is too high? Is what I always pictured unattainable? Unattainable w/o drugs to keep me "level?" I don't know. I don't have the answers I want and need right now and that is frustrating to me.

It's funny b/c I just finished reading this book called "When Joy came to stay" by Karen Kingsbury and it's about a women who is severly depressed b/c she gave up a baby years ago before she was married and never told her husband about it. Now granted, I can't relate to that situation, but I could relate to her feelings of hopelessness and the overwhelming feeling that the world was sitting on your chest....not your shoulders, your chest. Anyway, in the book she said she thought that "good christians" didn't need a PILL to make them better. Then the person she was talking to said "some people think that these PILLS are God's answer to prayer, to help you out of the fog." I started thinking about that......and I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm kind of on the fence about that right now. It's just funny how I read that book this week while I was coming to terms with a lot of my own stuff. Actually I finished it this week, I've been reading it for a few.

The deciding factor for me in ADMITTING that I don't feel right was the not moving. I kept holding out hope that I would be fine after we moved. My mom kept saying "after you move it will only get worse b/c you won't be around family to help you out." True. But also not true. It is stressful to be around family too. Not that I don't love them, but it just is....for a lot of reasons, good and bad. Plus, and I know this sounds selfish, but Jake and I grew to love our time in MO "alone." Granted it was hard sometimes and we missed our family. I was just hoping that things would change and be easier once Jake was working his regular job again and actually had TIME to spend with us. When that hope of moving was taken away from me this week I was more upset about the thought that now I would stay in this "fog" longer. THEN I realized that this fog won't lift just from a move, and even it did, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon and I needed to take care of it. That is when I knew I had to call my doctor. I really felt like I saw no end in sight of this and it was overwhelming for me. My friend Sabrina from Link Group told me today that she was worried about me b/c the last time she saw me she was concerned that I just didn't look right. She was right in her assumption. It was one of "those" nights and I just couldn't put a fake smile on my face to save my life.

I am good at faking it most of the time, really. I've become really good at it actually. Tammy wrote a blog yesterday that caused me to think about this a little bit(I would link you to it but I don't know how to do that yet...I know, LAME). I need to stop faking it.....the problem is that I kind of do get a boost out of "going through the happiness motions." Kind of the "Fake it till ya make it" philosophy. It does work to a degree.... but as soon as you walk away from that situation where you're faking it, you crash even harder....b/c you know.

Sooo, my goal this week is to give some sort of structure to my day and see if that helps me remain focused and not let my mind wander. I don't know what to do when the edginess and jitters pop up (and NO I don't have a daily caffeine intake.... the most I will maybe have is one cup of coffee 2-3 days a week....and believe it or not, the coffee calms me more than anything.) My friend Mary told me that when I get the overwhelming feelings of sadness I need to just stop and PRAY. That is my other goal.

*YAWN* This was a looooong post. Sorry. ;-)

Quotable Quotes

2007-08-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

I was on this financial website today and it had an article with these quotes. Somehow they pertained to finances, I guess I should have read the paragraphs after them? ;-)
Anyway, I found these to be good quotes worth saving. :D

When you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it--this is knowledge.--Confucius

He that is overcautious will accomplish little.--Friedrich von Schiller

It is the part of a wise man to keep himself today for tomorrow and not to venture all his eggs in one basket.--Miguel de Cervantes

For age and want, save while you may; no morning sun lasts a whole day.--Benjamin Franklin

It never was my thinking that made the big money for me. It was always my sitting. Got that? My sitting tight!--Edwin Lefevre

Fashion is made to become unfashionable.--Coco Chanel

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.--St. Augustine

There is nothing new in the world except the history you do not know.--Harry Truman

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. --Eleanor Roosevelt

As life closes in on someone who has borrowed far too much money on the strength of far too little income, there are no fire escapes. --John Kenneth Galbraith

In every house of marriage there's room for an interpreter.--Stanley Kunitz

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. --Pablo Picasso

The time is always right to do the right thing.--Martin Luther King Jr.

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. --Jonathan Swift

I've been tagged!

2007-08-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

My friend Cheryl (http://www.cdntransplant1997.wordpress.com/) tagged me on her blog so here goes.......

Okay here are the rules:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

N- Nice....to a fault. I definately fall into the "people pleaser" category.
I- Inconsistant. I am very much a "bouncing off the walls" kind of person. A bit scattered. ;o)
C- Caring. I truly care and worry about EVERYONE I know.
O- Overweight....ah ha ha!!! I just had a baby, of course I am! (I really couldn't think of anything else here. heehee)
L- Loyal. If I consider you a good friend then you are a friend for life.
E- Extrovert. Totally. I NEED to be around people for me to feel "right" and like myself. Otherwise I get a bit depressed.

Okay there ya go. Not sure those are so special or interesting, but there it is!
Okay I will tag....
TERESA
LANITA
TONI
KACIE
MARY
MARCIA

There ya go! ENJOY! heehee

Sooooo Angryyyyy

2007-08-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

12:08 AM - Soooooooo Angryyyyyyyyyy Current mood: disappointed
Jake just called. He had a conference call this morning. We thought it would be good news. It's not.
We aren't moving anytime soon. Since February they have been telling us we are moving. At first it was July, then it was Septemeber, then it was December, then it was back to October, then it was "any day now," and now today they tell us if we're LUCKY we'll get orders MAYBE in November and then not move until sometime between February and April....if we're lucky. I'm thinking we're not.
I am so angry right now. I want to scream and puke and cry and pull my hair out all at the same time. My gut reaction was "WHY GOD would you do this? We have prayed and prayed about moving and asking you to move where it would be best for us and then you go and keep us here. WHY?!" and then I realized that maybe He is keeping us here for a reason, a reason I can't possibly understand or imagine right now. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I am. I know I should trust God that this is right for us right now, and while I do, I just don't understand it. God knows how hard this has been for us, how hard it's been on our marriage, and yet here we stay. Please God let me see the bigger picture here and be okay with this.
"I know it is right in the sight of my God but my heart is dying to differ"
I wrote that in a poem FOREVER ago, in highschool sometime. I never thougt it would apply now.
This has to be okay. I have to get a grip and realize we are not leaving anytime soon and just move on. I feel like I need a mourning period or something. :P

The Rundown......

2007-08-28T13:36:00.001-07:00

Saturday night we went to the races with Mom. We took Dylan and Aidan and left Owen with my grandma. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn't hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don't want the boys to not be protected. The races were sort of stressful for me b/c the kids would NOT sit down. I think I watched MAYBE 5 minutes COMBINED time of the races. The last straw for me was Aidan throwing a screaming fit and Dylan knocking his soda all over the kid in front of us. Talk about embarrassing. So I packed up me and Aidan I left. Aidan and I had gone out after Mom and Jake and Dylan and Kenna..... that way I could leave early to get back to Owen. Good thing too b/c Mom and Jake and the kids didn't get back until almost 11!!!!
Needless to say we skipped church so the kids could sleep in from such a LATE night. Sunday morning we got up and Jake started doing some yardwork. I called mom to see if the boys could go over there for the morning/afternoon while we cracked out some yard work. We got almost all that I wanted done DONE, there will be some tidy up stuff to do on Friday or Saturday before the shower, but pretty much the big stuff got done. :D
Then I had to take Owen to the Dr. so they could make him POOP. He still had not really gone...he went Saturday but just a teeny bit. I called Sunday and they wanted me to bring him in, so I did. They did some "stuff" to him and gave him a suppository (I had given him one saturday too) and sent us home. When we got home he finally had a BLOWOUT. I got him cleaned up and then we went to our Link Group BBQ at David and Sabrina's. We stayed there for a while but I was so dang tired I was practically falling asleep on the deck...I felt like I was anyway. Hopefully no one noticed! LOL
Yesterday I had my 6 week OB check-up.... that went good. She talked to me about antidepressants but I said I didn't want to do that just yet, to which she said "I knew you'd say that" hehe I just want to wait it out and see what happens. I'll know if I'm getting worse or even just not getting better. I really think it's just baby blues....After that I went shopping for more baby shower stuff. I can't say here in case Kacie reads this, but it is going to be SO CUTE! I am very excited to do this. :D I have a TON to do though before Saturday. UGH...not sure how I will get it all done. My mom is going to come help with some stuff....but right now it all just seems like a lot...and I am totally that person that does not ask for help b/c really, I don't want it (unless it's my mom) b/c I just like things done a certain way. ;o)
Oh yeah, Owen slept 5.5 hours Sunday night!! That is the most sleep I've gotten since before I had him! I felt like a new woman!!! LOL I swear it was because he finally pooped, b/c he hasn't pooped since then and now he is fussy again. Anyway, since I had gotten SO MUCH sleep that night I was totally in the mood to clean and stuff yesterday so last night I got a lot of cleaning done and I even made dinner! yeah, sounds small, but lately for me, that was a big deal. LOL However, you'd never know I cleaned by looking at it today. :( I was just telling my grandma this morning while she was here for a while that that is the ONE thing I HATE about being home all day....the messes. YOu have to constantly be cleaning to keep on top of it.....especially with three kids. Three kids and a husband who forgets to clean up the dinner mess so I am left with it in the morning. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice.
Today is a low key day again.I was beat when I got up this morning. I stayed up too late IM'ing with Marcia last night and I didn't get to sleep until 1. Then Owen woke up at 4:30, back to bed at 5:20, woke up again at 7:30 and then that was that. I tried to snooze on the couch for a while this morning and succeeded until Owen started getting fussy. Dylan was just playing in the living room and cuddling with me off and on until he got hungry. Aidan didn't wake up after 10!!!! OMG!!! I love that that kids sleeps in so late! I wish Dylan would do that. Dylan is up at the crack up dawn, always. He is getting good about sneaking into our bed so I don't even hear him. When I woke up at 7:30 he was there!
Mom is coming over later maybe to help me make some shower stuff but other than that, nothing much today. I just want to sleep. ALL of the kids are asleep right now...granted Owen is on my chest even right now, but at least they are all asleep. I hear the couch calling my name.....................

Catch-Up

2007-08-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

*YAWN* Will this kid EVER sleep more? I am feeling at my wits end. I told Jake this morning that I am not sure how much more of this NOT sleeping I can handle. I have resorted to drinking coffe with just half and half.... SO NOT ME. It's helped keep my eyes open, but that's about it.
It's so nice outside today. I have been LOVING this summer. I absolutely hate HOT HOT HOT weather, so this year has been nice for me. I wish the boys would go outside today, but they don't want to, and I am too tired to round them up to take them to the park. Dylan has been watching his Nick Jr. videos this morning. I am too tired to protest.
The other day we went to my friend Angela's grandparents house for the afternoon. They have a big in-ground pool and Angela has a friend visiting from Germany named Nina. Nina takes GREAT pictures and she took a ton of the boys. They are sooooo good. I love them. Ange dropped them off yesterday morning when she was walking her dog and now I am trying to download them to an album. The boys had so much fun! Dylan mostly swam in the pool with Angela...Aidan was a bit apprehensive about it. I loved watching them though yesterday. They were having a blast! I was nervous though the whole time, even though I enjoyed hanging out and visiting. Angela and I MAYBE get together twice a year to visit so this was nice. I was nervous b/c of the pool (no fence around it) and b/c of the fish pond. Aidan was loving the pond and kept getting too close to it and he kept RUNNING towards the pool. Dylan ran by the pool once and I about lost my breath. They aren't used to being around a pool like that so they didn't understand why we kept jumping on them about it. At one point at the pond, Dylan teetered and I thought I would have a heart attack. While it is nice to visit and play around a pool, I am so glad we don't have one b/c I would be on pins and needles all the time. Overall it was a great afternoon though. I am so glad we got to spend time up there with them and visit. Angela's grandparents were home too and her mom and one of her brothers came up. They were like a second family to me growing up so it was so nice to catch up. :D
I just got off the phone with the nurse at the Ped's office and they want me to give Owen a suppository! OMG! =O This should be fun. He hasn't pooped in 2 weeks now. :( I just realized that this morning. I knew he hadn't pooped in a while but I didn't realize until today that it's been two weeks already. :( Poor little fella.
I was supposed to go shopping with Mom yesterday for baby shower stuff but I decided to stay home instead and do NOTHING and not feel guilty about it. Trying not to feel guilty about it. I mean NOTHING too. I did not cleaning or anything. I just wanted to veg. Last night we went to the PHIL WICKHAM concert at church. It was a cool concert and I really liked the guy that sang before him. Jake liked him too. The girl that sang before him had such a pretty voice too. She was cute. Kacie said she was younger than us too....that surprised me. After the concert I signed up for this thing called "MOCHA CLUB"..... basically another one of those deals where you send money to this organization to help orphans in other countries. What got me was the story this guy told about.....that the number one cause of death for orphans in this one country (don't remember which one) isn't disease or starvation, it's being eaten alive by hyennas b/c they have to sleep outside b/c the orphanage isn't big enough. UGH. I was instantly sick and started crying thinking about my babies. I told Jake "we are signing up, end of discussion." LOL You got to name your own "team" too (not sure why yet, I guess I'll figure it out later) and I named it DAO. :P I thought that was appropriate. Dylan, Aidan, Owen. :) Anyway.....
I was excited to get out without ANY of the kids for a while. I needed a break. :( It's funny b/c I feel like I need a break, but I LOVE doing nothing with them and just watching them be funny. I just love to LOOK at them. :) Even when we're all grumpy.
Dylan was sitting with me on the couch while I fed Owen and he was watching Ruby and Max, a cartoon about bunnies and they were dressing Max up like a baby and Dylan said "we don't have any babies HERE!" and I said "oh really, what is Owen?" and he said "Owen is a FAT baby!" AH HA HA HA!! heehee I couldn't stop laughing.
Tonight we are going to the races with Mom. We're taking Dylan and Aidan and leaving Owen with my grandma. I think the boys will like it. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn't hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don't want the boys to not be protected.
Tomorrow we are HOPEFULLY going to stop by Jake's grandparents anniversary dinner and visit for a few and then head to our Link Group BBQ. They happen to be within a half hour of eachother and we've been planning the BBQ for over a week and we didn't find out about the anniversary dinner until YESTERDAY! Sooo... let's hope the boys' nap times don't run over or we will have to skip that altogether. I hate last minute notices. Throws the whole day off.
Other than that we NEED to find some time to squeek in some yard cleanup. I have got to get down to business this week for the baby shower. I still have a ton to do. TAMMY:IF YOU'RE READING THIS....ARE YOU AND KASS COMING?? Anyway, that is all we have planned for our "exciting" weekend. :P Not much. Now I need to go put away about 5 loads of folded laundry. blech.

2007-08-23T21:15:00.001-07:00

Here is a picture of Owen in the outfit from today...only 6 weeks after the first time he wore it (pic of that in post below).

My baby has out grown an outfit!!! :(

2007-08-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

My baby has out grown an outfit already!!!! Current mood: nostalgic
Oh my goodness! My baby has already outgrown an outfit....and it happens to be my FAVORITE outfit on him! It's the one I put him in for his appearance on the news ("Baby Talk") which btw, airs on September 11 at 5:30. I can't believe it. :( I put it on him today and I could BARELY snap the snaps between his legs and it fits him snugly now. He will wear it today but then that's it. :( I'll have to box it up. And he's only worn it MAYBE four times. *sniff* I really didn't think he was that much bigger. I hate when they outgrow clothes so fast. :(
Here is a picture of him in it the first time he wore it. :)

FLUFF!

2007-08-19T16:37:00.000-07:00

Cutest PG gal ever!

2007-08-19T16:22:00.000-07:00

Okay so one picture is a bit blurry, but the bump is hard to miss! ;o) WHY was I never this cute pg?? I mean, we have the same parents so you'd think we could do SOMETHING alike.... goodness knows we don't LOOK alike! HA! No really, she is too cute pg...she can even still wear a two piece and get away with it! No stretch marks OR flabby arms, and she still has legs to boot! :P She is due any day now.... her EDD isn't until th 12th of September, but she has already made quite a bit of progress!

Just had to post this cute pic of her! :D

What's the scoop on poop???

2007-08-17T21:40:00.001-07:00

Okay, so we have been pottytraining Dylan for FOREVER now. We "introduced" it to him sometime between 18months and 2years.... and only in the last 6 months have we really been hardballing him on it. He wears underwear now during the days (he went back and forth for months!) and can go #1 (only using numbers for the sake of other readers) fine but when it comes to #2 he downright REFUSES to go! He will go for my mom, but never for us. I hope that has just been coincidence! Tonight he was running around here PANICKING b/c he had to go so bad, so he'd get up there to go and then say "I can't, it hurts too bad" and then we proceed to do this four more times tonight! THEN bathtime comes and I hear Jake YELLING.... apparently a little #2 slipped out in the tub! So, Jake has to drain the water all out, clean the tub, then get them back in. Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that Aidan has had #2 after #2 after #2 ALLLL DAAAY today. What is WITH these kids?? One can't stop going, the other refuses!

So, now they are in bed and poor Dylan never did go. :( I feel so bad for the little guy. I know his tummy is killing him. He was near tears it hurt so bad....but the tears dried up quick once he sat on that potty and determined he couldn't go. Maybe we'll have more luck tomorrow.

Pottytraining SUCKS!

SHOPPING! SHOPPING! I LOVE SHOPPING!!

2007-08-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

Current mood: excited
OOOOOH! Today mom and I braved the mall with the kiddos.... which BTW is a GREAT money saver b/c they were so crabby we only went to one store! Anyway, Macy's was having this HUGE sale that lasts all weekend and some of their stuff is only 4.99!!! OMG! Mom was there to pick something up for my grandma and a sales lady was helping her and I noticed a cute pair of capris and I said "oh these are cute and they are only 9.99 and the lady said "no honey they are 4.99....everything in this section is" and I said "WHYYYYYY am I not shopping then?!" and I proceeded to tear through the racks! AH HA HA!!
I got $251 worth of clothes for only $44!!!!!! YAHOOOOO! Made my day! ;o)

A whole 'lotta nothin' goin' on!

2007-08-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

Seriously, my life is booooooooooring. At least it is right now. We have not been up to much lately. Saturday night I went to the races with my mom. That was kinda fun. The older two boys stayed with Jake and my grandma kept Owen. I pumped before we left b/c I didn't want to pump in the nasty bathrooms while we were there. PLUS, who wants to lug around that big pump? Even if it does come in a discreet carry bag? We sat behind this family and the dad had FOUR girls and his g/f was pg too. He was there with a guy who appeared to be his brother b/c that guys kids kept calling him "uncle." They were half of our entertainment. ;o) At one point, his YOUNG (younger than Aidan) nephew was blowing raspberries at him and he looked at him and laughingly said "I'm gonna f***ing kick your a**!" and then laughed really hard. OMG!! :O Some people are crazy, seriously. Who talks to a little kid like that??? Joking or not.
At one point I got up to go to the concessions to get a snack and I walked by where they were selling beer. I didn't want a beer (why drink piss?) but I noticed they had Smirnoff. YUM. So I got one of those but it came in a beer cup b/c they wouldn't let you have the glass bottle. I went back to our seats in the stands and before I could even take a good sip a COP was kicking me out of there!!! Apparently we were sitting in the family section where alcohol was not allowed! AH HA HA!! Such a rebel I am. ;o)
Sunday we went to church, well, Jake and I and Owen went to church. We left Dylan and Aidan at my grandma's. Everyone was over there all weekend helping my grandma redo her patio. Aidan has Fifth's right now and even though he's not contagious I know that they wouldn't like keeping him in class b/c the rash is so bad. It looks awful. After church we went to granny's and hung out a few and then went and got lunch and brought it home. Then we all napped and dinked around here. The boys went to mom's last night b/c I was really wanting to clean uninterrupted and I felt motivated to do it last night...... for some reason I just wanted them to go last night instead of tonight. So after they went there I finished reading my book and then we picked up and got the house pretty well straightened up. Not perfect, but pretty decent.
It was a good thing the boys were gone last night b/c Owen didn't sleep at all! Okay, he did, but not really. He slept in 30-45 minute increments all night long. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!That was miserable for me! B/c of that I laid in bed with him until 11am!! Then I had to get ready to take him to the dr at 3(I thought he had thrush....he doesn't, but I do. ???) and it took me forever to get ready b/c he just cried and cried and criiiiiiied all morning/afternoon. I don't know what is up with him but he has been SO FUSSY.
To make matters worse, on top of the "thrush" that I thought he had and that I think I do have, he has CRACKED me on both sides. OOOOOOOOOOOUCH!!! Seriously, I can deal with mastitis, but the cracks make me want to stop nursing. Seriously. This morning I was crying b/c it hurt so bad and all I could think of was that I wanted to stop nursing and that just broke my heart. :( I called my LC and left her message about it and told her I'd be there at 3 for an appt anyway and to come find me if she could. (she works at the ped's office)
So we get to his appt and I took a bottle of expressed milk for him and I was giving it to him in the room while we waited for the dr to come in. The nurse saw me giving him a bottle and I told her I din't want to attempt nursing him in public while it was so painful. Crying in front of total strangers didn't sound like something I wanted to do today WHILE exposing my boob to nurse. ;o)
So, she went and told the LC that I was giving him a bottle and she came back and said "Nancy said she'd rather you use this (handing me a nipple shield) instead of giving him a bottle" and I started cracking up! I said "I KNEW she would!!!" heehee. I told her I was going to go straight to Target today anyway to buy some so that was good. Then, about five minutes later Nancy comes running in and says "GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE!" ah ha ha!! She took the bottle from me and said "now lift up your shirt!" heehee She got the shield on me right b/c I had no idea how to use it and I didn't want to try until I got home. She got in on and I started nursing and OMGOOOOOOOSH it felt so much better. It didn't hurt at all. I was so grateful! I absolutely looooooooove her. She is a boob saver. :) hehe I am on strict orders the rest of the week though to get the cracks healed up and the suspected thrush cleared up before he gets it. This should be fun.....a few more things to add to my list of "to-do's."
Tonight I ordered all of the stuff for Kacie's baby shower on the first. I am excited. It is going to be sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I can't tell the details here in case she reads it, but I am excited. I hope she likes it. I am putting a lot of thought into the details and I hope it turns out good. :)

Also, STILL no orders. :( How much longer before I really go crazy waiting???

Today was a so-so day. I talked to Lanita earlier while I was driving to the dr's and I just started bawling. I don't know why, but today was teary day. Saturday and Sunday were pretty okay, but today was an off day. I think that sometimes I feel like I just want something that resembles my life back. Not my life before kids, but life with kids..... like right before I got pg with Owen everything was pretty perfect....as much as it could be. I want it back to that, and I don't want it to take a year this time. I just want to feel like ME again. ME with a grip on things. And I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but yeah, that is easier said than done....and it's something I am trying to work on. ...........

Baby Blues????

2007-08-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Current mood: melancholy
I've not really blogged about anything much lately, besides the walmart weirdo.
I haven't felt like doing any blogging, or anything that involves talking about what is going on around here. Not much. It's the same 'ol same 'ol.....or as my sister-in-law hilariously put it in her blog "repeat, repeat again, repeat until I die" which made me laugh hysterically, b/c that is exactly how I've felt. UGH. Booooooooriiiiiiing.
Mostly the days consist of nursing every two hours AROUND the clock, changing a million and one diapers, making at least 10 meals a day (3/breakfast, 3/lunch, 4/dinner) and meanwhile trying to keep on top of Dylan and Aidan, the house, making sure naps are taken (at the same time preferrably), oh yeah....and getting a shower in there somewhere!
I have felt sad and "down" lately too which doesn't help matters much. I don't know if it's the classic case of "baby blues" or WHAT, but I haven't felt right. I was talking to Jake about it the other day and I told him I can FEEL it coming on, just like I did when I was PG with Owen.... I KNOW something is off but I don't know what to do about it. I'm definately not in the same place I was when I was PG with Owen..... this time I don't hate my kids and husband. This time I am just sad and tired. Tears always feel at the forefront all day and I don't know why. I hate that I know something is off....it's like I'm waiting. Waiting for it to either get worse or better. I don't want to jump the gun and call my dr about it b/c I am hoping it's just the baby blues and will pass. It passed when I was PG. I told Jake I would rather be oblivious to anything feeling wrong, b/c then I wouldn't be anticipating anything..... now I'm actually not sure which is worse.
I haven't really been doing my normal things either and I know that doesn't help. I'm barely sleeping, I'm not talking to my friends like I did before. Toni and I used to talk everyday and Lanita and I were talking several times a week for a few hours at a time and that was just part of my daily/weekly activities that I relied on. Now I don't feel like talking to anyone most days. I feel stuck. That makes me nervous. I need to snap out of this.
I feel like I miss people too. I got an email from my friend Missy and I wanted to cry reading it. It's funny, I miss my close friends that I haven't see in years, but I also don't feel like doing anything with anyone, besides family. With my family I don't have to be "up" like normal.
I think I am just tired and stressed out with everything....all the changes, all the impending changes (btw, STILL no word on moving yet), and how I feel overhwhelmed by it all. At counseling last week with Jake, our counselor told me that my biggest problem is struggling with perfection. I freak out and beat myself up b/c things aren't perfect. I also freak out and beat OTHERS up (Jake/boys) when they don't do something perfectly. WONDERFUL. Tell me something I don't know.... I know. I knew that already, but I needed someone to tell me flat out. HA...reading back through that part makes it sound like I keep everything perfect....and I DON'T at all. That is why I am so overwhelmed and stressed out b/c I am not happy until it is.
Okay I have gotten off topic (what was my topic???) and I just went head first into an annoying rant. Sorry readers.
So there is my blog for now. Who knows when I will get a chance to post another one???

How Ruuuuuuuuuuuuude!

2007-08-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

So tonight Mom and I went to Walmart for some odds and ends and we took Owen with us. The boys stayed home with Jake b/c we went so late....that way he could put them down for bed. While we were there we were looking at cards and I was standing at the end of the isle getting ready to turn into another isle and this guy walked by and RUBBED Owen's forehead!! I had him in the basket of the cart, so he had to reach down INTO the cart to rub his head. I looked up at him with my eyes wide and looked at the girl with him and just fumbled for anything to say....all I could do was STARE in a disapproving way and say "UUUUUUHHHHHHHH?!" and then they walked off. I definately was NOT smiling at them and they both just smiled at me and walked off.

I am NOT a quick thinker on my feet especially when I am caught off gaurd (as my friend Toni reminds me of all the time!) and I have NEVER had anyone touch my babies before! I have read on message boards about people complaining that strangers try to touch their babies, and honestly I always thought they were a bit anal, but that was until tonight. EW! Please don't touch my baby! Okay, I HAVE had little cute sweet old ladies who look older than Moses touch them on their arm or leg or foot, but never on their face! Them I don't mind so much b/c I know what is going through their heads, they are probably thinking about their kids when they were babies and I just think of that more as a nice sweet thing. But tonight just rubbed me, and Owen, the wrong way. ;o)

I saw once online that they have stop signs for strollers and car seats that say "Please don't touch me" and when I saw those I thought "WEIRD!" but tonight..... not so much.

Okay, now....am I being anal here??

3 chocolate chip cookies, neverending laundry, and yet ANOTHER trip to the ER.

2007-08-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Goooood Grief! How many times can our family go the the ER in a three week time period? Apparently three times.

Jake had to drive himself to the ER tonight due to complications from his vasectomy. This is the second time this has happened since he had the procedure done in May. I offered to drive him but that would mean finding someone to watch the boys and taking Owen with us and sitting there for hours, so he just opted to drive himself. My mom offered to drive him (awkward! heehee) but of course he declined. So, that meant I was on my own tonight with two CRANKY toddlers who didn't nap today, and Owen who I now have on a new feeding routine after our appt with the LC today. Jake left around 5ish and I got dinner started for the boys. I had wanted to see if Mom wanted to go out or order in but I couldn't get ahold of her, so I just did a quick "gourmet" meal for the boys.... mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, and corn. Oh wow. I think I ate a few nuggets and a couple bites of mac-n-cheese. I have however eaten three chocolate chip cookies left over from the stash Kim included with our dinner last night. :) Oh yeah, that is going to help me lose this baby weight. I didn't eat them all at once either...I grazed them. I noticed I grabbed one when things got chaotic.... hmmmmm.... coincidence?
The boys were in FINE FORM tonight too. After dinner I got them in the bath and washed and then did jams and WAS going to let them watch Dumbo to wind down, but while I was changing Owen's diaper in his room I heard loud SMACKS followed by Aidan screaming after each one. I snuck down the hallway to watch what was happening and Dylan was beating Aidan over the head with his hand. Granted Aidan was hitting Dylan in the arm, but nothing like what Dylan was doing to him. Good grief. Those two are going to kill each other one day. LOL I turned off their movie and said they had to go straight to bed. It took about an HOUR for them to stop fighting bed.... they want SOMETHING....water, a book, a hug, a nightlight....anything to keep them from having to go to sleep. Usually I ignore it and threaten them with a spank (which I kick myself for later when I have to follow through with it!), but when I went in there to check on them Aidan was SOAKING wet from head to toe, his pillow was wet, and his sheets were wet. He had DUMPED his sippy of water all over his bed. OMG!!!!! I was furious. They always get water in the beds at night b/c they get thirsty through the night, but tonight he totally did that out of retaliation. So, I had to strip his bed AGAIN (I had to do it last night b/c they needed washing) and make it, change his clothes, find a cup with a valve so it wouldn't leak and he couldn't open it, and then get them settled down again. I hate hard bed time nights. Finally, after all that, they calmed down and I haven't heard a peep since.

So now I have ANOTHER bed set to add to my three baskets of clothes, one pile of comforters, and our sheets to wash. Laundry never ends! I hate laundry. It is the ONE chore I loath. I would rather scrub floors than do laundry any day.

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Owen's appt with Nancy (lactation consultant) went well today. He is definately an efficient eater.
She weighed him first with nothing on, then with a dry diaper on. Then I fed him for a while on one side until he POOPED out his diaper and I had to get up to change him. Before I changed him she weighed him with the poopy diaper and he had taken in 2 ounces in that short time...not even five minutes. Then I laid him on the table to change him and he spit up ALL OVER the place. After I had changed him and gotten another clean diaper on him we weighed him again and he was back at the weight he was before I fed him. He pooped and spit up a total of 2 ounces which is exactly what he had taken in with that brief feeding. So I continued to nurse him on that same side for a while and he pooped AGAIN!! We weighed him again and he had taken another ounce. So, I changed him, and went back to nursing. All in all, by the end of the appt and the poops and spit ups, he had taken in a total of about 4-5 ounces from ONE SIDE in a combined time of about 10 minutes. He is one great nurser for being only 21 days old!
I had told her what I was concered about and she figures that he was spitting up so much b/c my let down reflex is SO FAST and so strong that is basically chokes him out and he has to spit it all up, and then he is discouraged so he doesn't nurse anymore on that side. Then I would switch him to the other side and the same thing would happen. All the while he was also getting more fore milk than hind milk too, and that doesn't help with the spitting up. So, our new plan is to only nurse him one side at a time so he only has to contend with one let down reflex, and then he will get more hind milk that way. I told her that when I have a let down it's mostly the thick white milk, which is GOOD. She said I have "butter milk" and she should just call me "Jersey" from now on. Moooooo!! heehee
Oh yeah, another good thing from his appt today. She checked his weight from last week and he has gained OVER a pound in one week! That is AWESOME! She said he is gaining DOUBLE what they want babies to gain a day. I am SO relieved to hear that b/c I was worried about his milk intake, but obviously he is doing fine! Now I can't wait to see how his weight will do with this new nursing plan.... getting more fatty milk this way. He will PLUMP up quick! heehee

When did the days get shorter???

2007-07-31T22:39:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, so I have been LAAAAAAAAME lately and haven't been able to find the time to blog. It seems like once we get the boys in bed I have to feed Owen shortly after that and then I have to get him settled into bed and by then I just want to SIT and not worry about a kid for a while, and then before I know it, it's midnight and I am tired and wanting to go to bed, but it's time to feed Owen again by then.

I feel so overwhelmed lately. I feel like my "duties" around here have multiplied and I have NO time to do them all. On top of that Jake and I are doing some counseling "maintenance" so some issues have come up there that I am trying to work on for the benefit of our marriage and I feel stressed out b/c I can't possibly keep up. I fail somewhere. I feel like there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything required of me. It's times like these when I sort of "check out" and don't do anything, but I've learned that that just makes me feel worse. Soooo, I have been trying to maintain some sort of order around here, but I have yet to get a schedule going for the fam. While I have been able to KIND OF keep up, I haven't been able to work on other things that need attention. I just feel like I am falling behind.

I know that once we get more settled with Owen and once he starts sleeping more I will feel more like myself again. I mean, I feel fine now, I just have NO energy and NO drive. To top it off, Owen has decided to start FUSSING constantly. This after I raved about how good he was and how he never cried for no reason. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Or knocked on wood, or something. LOL

We should be finding out where we are going sometime in the next two weeks. Jake says he should have his orders by then. I feel like a lot hinges on that for us. Not sure why, but I do. I just want to move forward and be able to PLAN and I can't until I know where and when we are moving. Right now it's probably the biggest thing we talk about.... moving, what we will take, what we will sell, when we will clean out the garage and have a yard sale, whether we want mom to go with us to help or not, what time of year we will move (b/c we MAY have some say in that due to a few details...), leaving the trailer until next summer, all that kind of stuff. It's nice to plan but stressfull when you can't OFFICIALLY plan anything....... it'll be nice to know, no matter where it is.

Dylan has been getting more and more difficult. I blame myself for it b/c at one point a while ago I went through this thing with him where I wanted him to learn to tell us how he felt instead of acting out...and now it's backfired in a BAD way. "I mad at YOU!!!" "I don't want you to talk to me!" "I just have a bad day, I don't want to!" When we tell him "no" or that he can't do something he says "Yes, I just want to do that!" I swear I have created a monster. Now I am trying to do damage control and break him of all of that. He is getting mouthy.

Aidan keeps putting food up his nose too!! What is WITH this kid?! Tonight Kim brought us a yummy chicken fajita dish for dinner and I cut up the chicken for the boys and Aidan shoved chicken up his nose! I saw him start to and I said "AIDAN NO!" and he he crammed it up there as fast as he could. I thought "no freaking way are we taking him to the ER again for food up his nose" so I went and got the tweezers. I put him in a headlock and tried to grab the chicken. Well whatever I did tickled his nose and he coughed/sneezed at the same time and it FLEW out of his nose thank goodness. I don't know what I am going to do about him and the food up his nose. ?????

Tomorrow I am taking Owen to my lactation consultant so she can see how much he is getting at a time. She weighs him before he eats and then weighs him after and can see how much he got. He just isn't eating in a way that I am comfortable with. He will eat for like 5 minutes and then fall asleep or spit it (me) out and not eat anymore. Sometimes he'll eat a bit more on the other side, but not really. He keeps falling asleep and if he doesn't fall asleep he just spits it out and decides to not eat anymore. I don't get it. He can't POSSIBLY be that good of an eater at 3 weeks. I just want peace of mind that he is getting enough to eat. I mean, he is obviously gaining weight, he's grown out of an outfit already and he pees and poops normally, but I just can't imagine that he is getting enough in five minutes. So, I hope that tomorrow I will feel better about he is eating.

Not much else going on so far this week.... I think we want to try to clean out the garage this weekend. I need to talk to mom and see if she would be willing to take the boys on Saturday for a bit so we can get the bulk of it done then without having to worry about them as distractions. That way we can get it done in one day. I love cleaning out the garage actually. I hate a messy garage and right now ours is AWFUL. You can barely walk around in it.

OHHHH, something funny I can't believe I forgot. Now it is too late to give the horrific details but basically I FELL on my hands and knees in church on Sunday while everyone was sitting down. I was walking down the isle to our seat up front and I had Owen in the baby sling and when I got to the very front I FELL and let out this LOUD yelp. I don't know how I fell or why but I did, and oh my word was it embarrassing. It was embarrassing and funny. I can't believe I ate it in front of the entire church WHILE Tom was up talking and introducing someone. Why couldn't I have fallen when everyone was standing up singing??? Good grief.... really it is quite commical, but at the same time, still embarrassing. Anyway, that was the most excitement this week.

We're boring. LOL

Saturday Shmaturday

2007-07-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

So for the last two days I have been on the prowl for a cute outfit to wear to my friend Tara's wedding. Having just had a baby two weeks ago, this is no small feat. Yes yes, I waited too long and at the last minute panicked and spent four hours at the mall yesterday (where I found an outfit and bought it but then decided I didn't want to wear it to the wedding) and countless hours here at home going through outfits, mixing and matching, even trying a few of my moms cute outfits. So here was my problem... SHOES. I could find what I wanted to wear but didn't have the shoes to match. I didn't buy any CUTE shoes while PG b/c I couldn't wear heels....hurt my back. Well now I can wear heels again so yesterday I bought two new pairs. You'd think that ONE of those pairs would have been good enough.....nope. I had to go BACK to the mall today and get the black pair I had been eyeing yesterday. I went, I got. On my way out I went through Macy's and OF COURSE had to browse through the clothes there. I found two new shirts on clearance and grabbed those. I made it home and wasn't even gone an hour. That is some power shopping!
I get home and pair the shoes with a few outfits and pick one I am COMFORTABLE in and that doesn't show the post baby belly. I hate that belly. Anyway, after all that, this was the ONLY picture I got of me and Tara tonight. LOL I didn't even think to get one of me and Jake, and we were looking pretty cute! Owen went with us considering he's attached at the boob. He looked pretty cute too. :D

I am so happy for Tara and she was just the most beautiful bride ever. What is it about weddings that make you cry? As soon as I saw her come through the doors and outside (outdoor wedding) I instantly started crying. I am just so happy for her. She deserves this so much. :)

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Tomorrow we are going to attempt church for the first time in 3 weeks. We didn't go the Sunday before I had Owen and we haven't gone since he was born either. I'm in need of church! I'm excited that Owen did well in his baby sling tonight so hopefully he will be okay during church in it tomorrow.
We have our link group tomorrow night as well. Days with link group are always busy and rushed. I feel stressed out about naps on those days. Sometimes we end up not taking the boys b/c they aren't up in time.... but I don't think that will be an option tomorrow. We'll just have to skip the after church lunch at Abbey's and come straight home for a quick lunch and then straight down for naps...... I hope I can pull it off. There is NO WAY we are doing no naps tomorrow. Whenever they don't nap they turn into terrors at EXACTLY 6 o'clock. EXACTLY.
I was wanting to get some cleaning done this weekend but that obviously isn't happening either. Shoe shopping was a bigger priority today! HA! I have no energy to clean at night either. I used to count on that after the kids went to bed, but MAN this nursing every two hours at night is kicking my butt. I am drained.

Speaking of drained....I am babbling now.... I need to go to bed. I am beat.

Let's Give this a try....

2007-07-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

So in an attempt to start a blog on here that is appropriate for people to actually read, I thought I'd create yet ANOTHER blog. I have myspace and I have a private blog on here, but I find myself being pulled into the public blogging world. HA!! Becaues I have nothing to say at the moment...here are a few of my latest blogs from myspace...... they will bore you to death. ;o)

Owen's Birthday Story......
Okay, so some of you have been asking for the detailed version of Owen's arrival, and I have really been intending to do it before now, but everytime I think about it my head hurts, and the farther from that day I get the more my head hurts to think about the fuzzy details. LOL Pregnant brain has now become Mommy brain, soon to return to normal brain in about 6 months....so I've heard.

So without further ado.....

Tuesday the 10th I went shopping all day with my mom and got the much needed baby book I had remembered the night before. We were gone for the better part of the day and got home around 3. I put the boys down for naps and got online. Around 3:30 I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. This happened with Aidan too..... means labor is coming SOON. I called my mom frantic b/c that was my gut reaction. She came over and I was on the phone with my OB and she said to just labor at home for a while until my contractions were around 4-5 minutes apart. Greeeeat. So, mom went home and said to call her when they start b/c at this point I had no contractions. About an hour later, 4:30 or so, I started having contractions. At 5:30 I started timing them b/c they were becoming worse. I called mom to come get the boys b/c I did not want to be laboring at home alone and taking care of them. She came and got them and then Jake got home a little bit later. Meanwhile I was finishing up some last minute things around here and making sure my bags were packed and at the front door, all the while being busy online too.
The bad thing is that my contractions weren't very regular. Some were 7 minutes apart, some were 15, they were really sporadic which was frustrating b/c they were increasing in strength..... just not in frequency. Finally I had about a half hour of contractions at 5 minutes apart and they were to the point where I could barely breath through them, so I opted to go in then. I did that b/c I needed to be hooked up to antibiotics asap b/c I was positive for Group B Strep. I needed at least four hours of antibiotics and I have quick labors. In fact the nurse kept saying she didn't trust my body to not change at the last minute and decide to spit out a baby b/c I was what they called a "multip mom" (multiple births already) with a history of delivering fast.
So anyway, we checked into the hospital at 8:30 and I assumed they would hook me up to the antibiotics right away but they didn't. They wanted to monitor me for a while to make sure I was in active labor. Well, wouldn't you know it but my contractions slowed down, but they didn't lessen in pain. That was frustrating. They talked about sending me home, something I did NOT want to do. I kept telling her that while they weren't regular contractions they were getting more and more painful and I that I knew myself and my body well enough to know that I would need an epidural SOON. She said they would monitor me for about 1-2 hours and then decide. Oh brother...that would mean it would be almost MIDNIGHT before they decided to keep me or not, and if they sent me home I would just have to go back in 6 hours anyway for my induction. Well luckily my contractions picked up and so did the pain. My nurse said she didn't like the way my body was acting and given my history, she wanted to go ahead and admit me. At this point it was around midnight. So, they admitted me, and I begged for the epidural. BTW, I have a love/hate relationship with the epidural. While I love what it does for you, I absolutely hate getting it. I was more fearful of the epidural than of delivering a baby! LOL
I got the epidural around 1 I think?? Exact timing is fuzzy to me now... but I got the epidural with the help of Jake enduring my fingernails in his shoulders, me stretching out the neck of his shirt, and a pillow at RVMC that probably still has my bite marks in it. I swear I am the most polite person in labor I think....I apologized before hand for any swearing that might be offensive to the nurse and anesthisiologist (sp?) and kept saying sorry when I screamed too loudly. What was funny is the anesthisiologist kept apologizing too... "I'm so sorry, my wife hates these too and does the same thing." That was actually a relief to hear. So, once we got through that ordeal, I laid back and let it take affect. I hate that part too..... I don't like feeling all of the control of my lower body leaving me. It's a strange feeling. I don't mind it once it's complete, but waiting for it to take full affect is creepy for me. Same feeling I get in an elevator....that's random.
So the epidural worked immediately on my right side but not so much on my left. In fact it never really numbed my left side at all. I could still feel the contractions on my left side...not as strongly as before, but strong enough to make me cry. While this was going on the nurse FINALLY hooked me up to the antibiotics I needed. I was supposed to have penicillian but b/c I am allergic to penicillian related drugs they opted for something else..... and wouldn't you know it, I was allergic to that. My right had and foot swelled and started itching horribly. At first we thought it was the epidural b/c that is one thing about the epidural, while it is numbing you, it itches a lot. But when only my hand and foot became inflamed and red and just NASTY looking, did we realize it was an allergic reaction. So, she pulled me off of that drug and said she'd ask the doctor what else to try. Around this time the anesthisiologist came back in to recheck my epidural since it wasn't numbing properly. He said that sometimes some women didn't numb evenly and there was no explaination for it.... that it was different for every woman. Well, the other two times I had one I numbed evenly on BOTH sides thankyouverymuch. So, I was left to feel the pain in my lower left abdomen and upper thigh. He left and the nurse left to get me more meds. I was worried at this point b/c it was already 3am and I was dilated to a 5. From the previous two boys, I knew I was on the downslope from here on out. I managed to doze a little from 3am to 3:20 and what woke me up was this excruciating pain in my left hip. It felt like someone was drilling a hole into my hip bones. I was laying on my left side too, hoping the epidural would make it's way down (they recommend doing that, saying it helps, but it never did) so at first I thought maybe it's b/c I've been laying here too long. But it got worse and worse, and it was more constant, not like a contraction. I knew something was not normal. Poor Jake had to be my punching bag and I am surprised I didn't break his shoulder. AND, come to find out the next day, the people across the hall could hear me screaming (Kacie happened to know them and they said to her "didn't your sister get an epidural? LOL). Niiiiiiice. Yes, screaming..... b/c remember my epidural was not so effective on that side.
I called for a nurse b/c I was getting scared at this point that something was wrong and my nurse was still MIA..... so the nurse that responded checked me and I was at a 10!!!!! After she checked me I asked her to lay me on my back b/c the pain in my hip was just too much. It lessened the pain a little, but not a lot. I told her I was supposed to have the antibiotic and I hadn't received it at all, and she looked concerned and said she'd call in the oncall doctor b/c it was time to push. At this point I started panicking b/c I knew I needed that antibiotic and I was worried about the baby. I was crying and talking about a mile a minute. Jake was trying to calm me down and then the doctor showed up. She said that my nurse earlier got called into a delivery and no one knew I wasn't being checked on. GREAT. I kept telling her about not getting the antibiotics and she didn't seem too thrilled about that which worried me even more. I kept saying "is my baby going to be okay?" over and over. She never said he would be, but she did say that 15 years ago when they didn't do the GBS testing that babies were fine, so why wouldn't mine be? I know that is what she had to say, and it really wasn't that reassuring. They did say they'd do bloodwork on him after he was born to make certain. That made me feel a little bit better, but just a little. OH yeah, when the nurse checked me and I was a 10 I had Jake call my mom and she almost beat the doctor there! In fact, right after the whole "GBS talk" my mom showed up I think..... at this point it was 4:45 or so?? So the doctor said she'd try to call my OB and see if she could get her in to deliver me and then she'd get back to me. So we waited a few minutes and she came back and said that my doctor didn't answer her page so she was going to have to deliver me. That was fine with me..... my doctor has never delivered me. She missed Aidan's birth too and then they only had a male oncall doctor and I threw a HUGE fit over that and insisted on a woman doctor, and they found a midwife at the other hospital who was willing to deliver me. So this time, with Owen, I was relieved that the oncall was a female so I didn't have to go through that again. I told her I felt immense pressure like I should push and she said "Well lets do a practice push and see where we stand" so right there she had me give one push and before I could even finish the push she said "STOP! His head is right there!" and my mom and Jake looked down and someone said "OH he has hair!!" and before I knew it the doctor was in scrubs and the bed was broke down and raised and she said, "Okay, when you feel like it, push again" and I said "Uh, I feel like it NOW!" and so I raised up to push and before I could even grab my legs.... he was out. It was unbelievable. I have heard women before say that they didn't even have to push and I always thought they were lying.... they weren't. I figure I sat at a ten for at least an hour fighting the urge to push, and couple that with the fact that I have had two babies before, I think he was just READY. The doctor said, "He's out!" and I said "WHAT?!" and looked down and there he was. I said "that was AWESOME!" heehee I can't believe I said that now. It really was amazing though.
The hardest labor I have ever had, but it was the easiest delivery ever.
So, he was born at 5:01am on 7-11-07.

My OB came in around 7am to check on me and I told her about the hip pain and she said that since he was face up, that was him turning at the last minute. She had told me at my appt that monday before that he was face up and that when he turned it would probably be extremely painful and feel like labor. She wasn't kidding. That was the worst pain I have EVER felt. I mean EVER. It even beat the pain of the epidural, if that's possible.
I also told her about not getting the antibiotics and she was NOT HAPPY at all about that. In fact from my room she went to talk to the pharmacist about changing my meds w/o her approval and then to talk to someone about why I didn't get the antibiotics.

Soooo, that's the story of Owen's arrival. The next several days in the hospital are an even longer story, which I may save for another blog. Don't want to bombard you with the details of the last 11 days all in one blog. Lord knows this one is long enough already, and if you've read this far....well, bless you then. LOL ;o)

Oh yeah....ALSO, all of Owen's bloodwork came back showing he was perfectly fine (thank you Lord!). And, for the first time ever, I didn't tear so that means no stitches. WOOHOO!!!! :o)

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My 12 Day Saga.......
Oh bother.... isn't that what Winnie the Pooh says when things seem like they can't possibly get any worse?? Now don't get me wrong.... I am in a "happy" point in my life and that is the only reason I can laugh off these last 12 days. If I were still pregnant and having this kind of luck I think I would have hit the fan by now. LOL I was telling a friend from church about it today over the phone and I was laughing hysterically and she was just in SHOCK as to the amount of bad luck we've and she said "well at least you're laughing about it!" Honey, that's all I can do at this point..............
WEDNESDAY (11th)/THURSDAY (12th) So Owen was born on a Wednesday morning after being up all night laboring. I didn't sleep at all Wednesday even though Owen did. I was too wired. I did finally get tired that night but Owen had other plans. He was awake from midnight to 7am..... I was exhausted. All he wanted to do was nurse. I had not slept since Monday night and it was now Thursday morning. I called Jake and said "GET. HERE. NOW. And bring the pacifiers that I forgot." He came and sat there with Owen and the paci while I slept for about two hours. I don't think I went to sleep until about 9 though b/c I had ordered breakfast and then of course a million nurses check on you in the mornings. So I woke at 11 and was up until 3. I slept again until 5 and then got up and ordered dinner and had visitors and all that jazz. Well nightime came again and again he didn't want to sleep. I fussed with until about 1230am and then called a nurse and said "I have NEVER put one of my babies in the nursery and I feel like a horrible mom but I have got to put him in there tonight. I am just too tired." Then she told me that the nursery was full. Suddenly I didn't care about being a horrible mom, I just wanted SOMEONE to take him so I could sleep. I said "Could YOU take him?" and she looked at my like "WHAT?!" and I said "don't you keep babies at the nurses station?? I have seen that before I think. Will you keep him out there?" and she said yes that they do and she would. So she took him out with her and she brought him back around 215 to eat. I fed him and sent him back out with her at 3 and I went back to sleep until 6. That was the last time I got to sleep for a three hour stretch. LOL
FRIDAY (13th) It is now Friday and I am getting my stuff together to leave and go home. Jake and the boys were coming to get me around 1 or so. They came, they got me, we left at 2 and were home by 230. That night Jake's family (mom, dad, bro and his family) were coming over to eat and hang out and see the baby. I suggested doing that b/c I really didn't want to go there and Nate and Teresa were only down for the weekend and I wanted to see them and I knew they wanted to see the baby. Sooo, everyone came over for pizza and they brought some salad. After dinner Nate and Dylan were wrestling and Dylan started crying really hard, and I knew by the way he was crying that something was not right..... long story short, Jake, Nate, their dad, and Dylan all spent 5 hours in the ER that night getting x-rays on Dylan's arm. The Dr's couldn't tell if it was fractured or not b/c his bones are still so little and not fully formed, so they splinted it anyway and said to take him to his pediatrician on Monday.
SATURDAY (14th) Teresa called to check on Dylan and offered to come over and watch the kids so Jake and I could rest or do whatever b/c Owen (AGAIN) did not sleep at all that night. I took her up on it and she and Kambrie came over. Jake left and went to put the plates on the trailer. While she was here I got to take my time taking a shower and getting dressed. That was nice. When I was done we got the kids all lunch and by the time they were finished Jake got home and then Teresa and Kambrie left. They kids got some good play time and I think Kambrie warmed up a little to the boys....it's funny to see them all together b/c the boys are so rough and loud and she is so calm and quiet. While they were building towers and crashing them she was trying to read. LOL So cute. :)
After that the boys laid down for naps and I dinked around here. At 230 Nate called to tell me something about the ER trip the night before and then MIL got on the phone to talk to me and said that they were having a BBQ at 5!!!! I told her that considering it was a LAST MINUTE invite it would all depend on the kids and naps and attitudes when they got up. To say the least I was annoyed. I just was frustrated b/c if I had known the night before when it was planned I could have planned my day better and anticipated it. We ended up going but not until 730 that night. I was glad we ended up going though b/c it was fun and the kids did really good and Owen slept through the whole thing. Plus it felt good to get out.
SUNDAY (15th) Sunday I had to take Owen in to the Dr to get his weight checked. When we left the hospital they said they didn't like the amount of weight he had lost and they were just barely comfortable letting him leave, so they wanted to recheck him two days after to see if it went up any. After that I went back over to Jake's parents (where I had dropped him and the boys earlier) to say goodbye to Nate and Teresa and Kambrie. After they left we went to lunch at Angelo's with his parents. After that we went back to their house to hook up the trailer to take it home since Jake and the boys were going camping on Tuesday. The rest of the day was pretty low key.... naps, dinner, down time. NOthing exciting.
MONDAY (16th) Monday I had to take Dylan to the Dr. to have his arm looked at again. They determined that it in fact was NOT broken and didn't need to be in the splint any longer. They tried to put it in a sling but he SCREAMED his head off like the night he hurt it. I asked if it really mattered, sling or splint, and they said no, so we put the splint back on. I think he was more scared than anything even though he said he still had a little pain in his elbow. The Dr. said that when he felt like it to just take it off and he'd be fine. So I told him when we left it was up to him, that when he wanted we could take it off anytime. From watching him, it was obvious it wasn't going to be anytime soon. Seriously that kid is a DQ (my mom calls me DQ for drama queen, so maybe I should call him a DK?? drama king?) LOL. The rest of the day was spent getting Jake and the boys ready for camping down at Shasta with my family. I was starting to be bummed I couldn't go b/c a lot of extended family ended up being there too. I couldn't go though b/c I had Owen's circumcision on Wednesday that I couldn't reschedule.
TUESDAY (17th) Jake and the boys left around 11:30 in the morning I think?? After that I got ready and headed out to go shopping. I was tired of wearing my maternity shirts still and STILL looking pregnant in them. BLECH. I don't care how ridiculous it is, I was not going to ride it out.... I decided it was worth it to spend some $$$ on a few new things to get me through until I can fit back into some of my old clothes. So I went to Target b/c a few weeks ago I saw these cute dresses that I thought would cover well. The only ones they had left were spaghetti strapped and I cannot wear those while nursing. NO SUPPORT at all and I think someone would have me arrested for indecent exposure. I did however find this really cute style of tank top that covered well and was light in fabric and would be good for nursing and would still look good after the baby weight was gone. It is not fitted at all, it's kind of flowy... so I got four of them in different colors. I got a pair of Bermuda shorts, a pair of capri's and a cute knee length baby doll hoodie with leggings. HOPEFULLY that will get me through since I don't leave the house much anyway. My cousin Krislyn had called and said that she was going back down to camping on Wednesday and she said she'd wait for me if I wanted to ride with her. I was so excited!!! I called and told Jake but told him not to tell anyone! I wanted it to be a surprise since most of them hadn't seen Owen..... in fact, only a few of them had. So the rest of Tuesday I spent packing, doing a few loads of laundry for the trip, and cleaning the house.
WEDNESDAY (18th) I got up and got ready for Owen's appt. I got there and we did his one week check up and then I left him with the Dr. for his SNIPAGE and I went back and hung out with my lactation consultant for a while. The nurse found me and brought him to me and said that Nancy (my LC) could check him in 30 minutes to give me the all clear to go home. So I went and joined the moms group she has at that time and chatted and nursed Owen and then Nancy checked him and we left. I called Krislyn when I got home and she was on her way over to get us. We loaded up and left. NOW HERE IS WHERE LIFE GETS EVEN MORE INTERESTING. On the way down to camping I had to stop to feed Owen. I noticed he wasn't nursing well when we left so I was glad he got hungry, only he didn't nurse well then either. I thought maybe it was because I was in the car. I kept trying all day to nurse him. I was kicking myself in the butt b/c I had forgotten my pump so I was getting very "FULL" and I knew that he needed to eat and wasn't eating hardly at all. I started getting frustrated and worried b/c I know from my history with Aidan that it would not be good for me if he didn't empty me with a feeding, and SOON. Well, sure enough, I had a 101 fever that night in the trailer, I was sweating and having the chills off and on. Luckily I had remembered my thermometer and Ibuprofen so I took 4 IBU and lived on that until we got home Thursday night. I had called my OB while camping and they called me in a presrcription so it was waiting for me when we got back.
THURSDAY (19th) So we packed up and headed home and got back around 5 ish. Jake picked up my prescription for me of dicloxicillian and the pharmacist said that if I am allergic to any penicillian related meds to not take it. So I called the oncall Dr and told her my allergies (there are a lot) and she said NOT to take it, she'd call me in something else. So I sent Jake to pick that up as well. So when he got home from getting that (8pm by this point) he gave me my meds. I said "is this it?" b/c it looked different than before (I have had mastitis four times) and he said yes so I took it. Well later I was looking at the papers that came with it and I had a question so I called the pharmacist and she said "look at the bottle and tell me what it says" so I asked Jake for the bottle. He pointed to it. I said "NO that's the bottle I might be allergic to, where's the other one?" and he said "THAT'S that one I gave you!" and then I lost it. HE GAVE ME THE WRONG MEDS!!! I totally started to panic after that. I was freaking out, crying hysterically, waiting for my throat to possible swell up, pacing the floor, I was a mess. I called the Dr and she said to take Benadryl to counteract any reaction. So I took the Benadryl and stayed up for four hours to make sure I wasn't going to die in my sleep. LOL Jake said "So you probably think I am trying to kill you now or something huh?" heehee Yeah, slightly.
FRIDAY (20th) All through the night Thursday and early Friday morning I noticed that my milk supply had gone down. I called my LC to find out if this was b/c of the mastitis. When I told her about the previous night she said "Oh! The Benadryl dried up your milk!" Greeeeeeeeeeeat! At this point I was thinking "could it GET any worse?! I mean really! What else could possible go wrong?" So we decided that I will start taking Fenugreek right away and start pumping after EVERY feeding to help bring my milk back up to par. Wonderful. Like I don't have enough to do already and like I'm not getting enough sleep already. Now after I take 40 minutes to feed and diaper him, I need to take another 15-20 to pump and wash the supplies. So by the time I am done diapering, feeding, and pumping, I can MAYBE get an hour and half of sleep in before doing it again. Maybe. So I opted to skip the wee hours pumping sessions and just try to do it every other time.
So the rest of Friday went pretty okay. I laid in bed ALL DAY LONG and went back and forth with the fever then the chills. That is so not fun. My whole body ached. It's worse than having the flu. That night Jake made noodles for some spaghetti sauce I had thawed out. Just as we were cleaning dinner up I heard Jake say "Aidan No nonononnoooo!" and I look over and Aidan has his finger up his nose! He had SHOVED hamburger from the sauce up his nose! He was screaming and holding his nose and saying "nose! nose! nose! owieeee!" I immediately started to worry b/c this kid can his finger all the way up his nose.... he is facinated with just sticking his finger up his nose and leaving it there. It's the strangest thing. It's obvious he is in pain. We try several things, nothing works. I call my mom and try a bath like she suggested (hoping the splashing around would make his nose runny) and that didn't work. He has been screaming now for about 30 minutes. I call the nurse, she calls back and says take him to the ER. So, Jake spent TWO FRIDAY NIGHTS IN A ROW IN THE ER!! I sat at home thinking "this is just great, someone is going to send childrens services to our house and investigate WHY we were there with our kids two friday nights in a row!" When Jake and Aidan got home sometime after midnight Jake said they pulled three chunks out of his nose, and one was the size of a dime!! And I guess they were really far up there. Good thing they went in.
SATURDAY (21st) Thankfully Saturday nothing too extremem happened. In fact Saturday was pretty okay. Jake and I went rounds that day. Between his lack of patience with the kids and my fatigue we were at each others throats. He wanted to go out that night too!! I got up Saturday afternoon after I realized that with all the screaming and kids running around I was not going to get to rest anymore. The house was trashed. I started picking stuff up and when Jake said he wanted to go out I said ONLY if the house resembled something picked up and somewhat neat by evening time could we go out. Well he hoped to it then. Mom came over and watched the boys (all three!) and we went to Red Robin for dinner and then to Walmart to pick up some wipes and cleaner and some household essentials. We were only gone about 2 hours.... I'm on a short leash with Owen for a while. ;o) When we got home the boys were in bed and Owen was ready to be fed again.
SUNDAY (22nd) Sunday morning I got up and looked to the side of my bed and saw the papers from my prescription that I had been reading the other night. I noticed it said there were only 20 pills in the bottle. I thought that was odd since normally there are 40. In the past, when I had it with Aidan, I had to take four pills a day for 10 days....40 pills. I had been taking four pills a day since Friday...so just for Friday and Saturday and I had already taken two by 8am Sunday morning. Every six hours.... that is the schedule I am used to with these meds. Naturally I just started taking them the same again. When I saw the amount was 20 I thought "hmmm, I must need to refill these" and I didn't think anything of it since it was a different pharmacy than normal. THEN, at 2:30pm when I went to take my third pill of the day, I noticed on the pill bottle that I was only supposed to be taking it TWICE a day, not four times a day!!!! SERIOUSLY!! Prescription medication is going to be the death of me, I swear! I called THE SAME pharmacist back and was in a panic, AGAIN, and told her the whole story. She said "not to offend you, but are you a LARGE person?" and I said "well no but I did just have a baby" and she said "well no, I mean if you were really large then MAYBE you would need a large dose but you don't" Sooooo, come to find out, these pills were double strength pills as opposed to single strength pills which is what I normally take. I asked her if anything was going to be wrong with my or the baby and she said no, but to really push the fluids. So after that phone call I started downing water like crazy!! She also said to not take any more and wait until the next day to take another one and just finish it out taking two a day.
The rest of the day was pretty low key and boring. I did a LOT of laundry. No one has done any laundry around here since the day before I went into labor. Niiiiice. Tonight Jake and I will be folding MOUNDS of laundry.
So that brings us to today........
Today was my first day alone with Jake back at work. This morning was a bit nutty and frazzled but I regained control with the boys. The hardest thing is going to be figuring out how to QUIETLY nurse Owen while I am home by myself with Dylan and Aidan. I think I am really going to have to bite the bullet and set up a seriously scheduled and structured day. Everything in me wants to rebel against that and I hate it with it a passion, but I know it will make things easier. That is my biggest goal in life right now, to just regain control over my house and stick to a structured schedule. That even means limiting my computer time and my phone time. The more I am distracted, the more they test me, and I lose my patience quickly lately. I hope I am disciplined enough to do this. I really want to.....
So that is a very long recap of the last 12 days. I think I am mostly caught up to speed. This is soooo long and I even left out the details. Believe it or not, this is the cliff notes version. LOL Oh well, now I can get back to my regular blogging. I had wanted too but knew if I started without posting everything since Owen's birth, I would never post any of it. So overwhelming.
Tonight the boys are at moms for their monday night with her, and Owen is spending some time with my grandma for about an hour until he needs to eat again. :) That should be nice for her. She loves them at this age. :)

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Okay well now that should be enough to get my blahg ball rolling..... let's see if I can keep this puppy up....