Brat Attack

*copied and pasted from my myspace blog yesterday*
10:20 PM - Brat Attack! Current mood: tired
Okay so maybe calling it a brat attack is a little harsh.....
Today I took Dylan and Mckenna to their first birthday party with their "friends" from their preschool class, all 5 of them, not including Dylan and Mckenna. I was the only parent to hang back and stick around. Seriously, WHO leaves their 3 and 4 year old kids with total strangers? And no, all of these parents DON'T know eachother. They just know that their kids go to preschool together. I was not comfortable leaving my kids at someone's house that I did not know. So, I hung around. Good thing too b/c Dylan was NOT having it..... it took him about 45 minutes to melt off of me, and then it was only for cake. Mckenna on the other hand was gone the minute we walked through the front door! LOL She is such a busy little social butterfly! The party consisted of 4 girls and 2 boys so the main theme of afternoon was princesses and dolls. Not much to participate in for the boys except tossing balloons around, which Dylan was more than happy to do.
When it was time for cake all the kids were sitting around the table and the parents were in the kitchen getting the cake ready. I was sitting in a chair off to the side. The little girl whose bday it was has a 10 year old brother and he had two friends over. She started calling her brother a STUPID POO POO FACE and laughing and before I knew every other kid (besides my two) was doing the same thing. I was relieved that mine weren't following suite. The dad came in with a video camera and was taping all of the kids saying STUPID POO POO FACE and he was actually LAUGHING. I was not happy. I also felt uncomfortable b/c I wanted them to stop b/c I KNEW it was just a matter of time before Dylan and Mckenna would feel pressure to join in. I didn't feel it was my place to discipline the other kids though and that the parents of the bday girl should have put a stop to it.
Just as I had expected I heard Dylan say "POO POO FACE!" and I immediately snapped "DYLAN." and looked at him and shook my head with my most serious face. Next was Mckenna, to which I did the same thing. Both of them just sat there with these stone cold looks on their faces. The other kids were all laughing and STILL saying it. They thought it was hilarious. Dylan and Mckenna both tried it ONE more time and I finally said "we don't talk like that OR call names, UNDERSTAND?" and I never heard another POO POO out of either one of them. I felt bad for them though, they were totally under the peer pressure sitting at that table and were probably a little embarrassed that I called them on it right there, but I just did NOT want my kiddos behaving like that. I was slightly disappointed that they did, but at the same time not surprised....they are learning still.
The little girl that this party was for was SO SELFISH too. No one could play with ANYTHING at all and her grandma and mom just sat there watching her boss everyone around and take toys from them while saying "no, you can't have that." She said it to Mckenna when Mckenna picked up a doll to play with and Mckenna of course got upset and I made a point to say in front of the grandma "Mckenna honey, if she doesn't want you to play with her special toy then I guess she needs to put it away where it can't be played with, and I want you to remember not to be selfish honey (hint hint to the bday girl)." I was SO IRRITATED.
Needless to say, it was QUITE an experience for sure. I left there thinking "oh my gosh, these two are MUCH BETTER behaved than the kids in their class. I am so surprised at how well behaved they were compared to the other kids!" I really think somedays that I must have kids that are tyrants b/c I see them ALL the time and at their worst and I worry that they show their "tantrum" side when I can't see them all the time. Well I was pleasantly surprised today. I called my mom and said "Dylan and Mckenna are FAR better behaved than the kids they go to school with" and she told me that their teacher (a close friend of my moms) tells her that all the time..... they are the youngest kids in their class, and the best behaved. I was one proud mama today, that's for sure.
Note to self: never let them attend a bday party alone!

Alert the media, I'm posting a blog!

So I think I've given up on the whole blog thing lately. Seriously I am just TOO busy and I tend to get sucked in when I am online so I try not to get on too much anymore. When I can manage to get on it's so late and I can't think straight enough to blog. Plus I think "what would I write about? Pooping, peeing, nursing, spit up, cleaning, errands....." the list goes on and on of boring day to day stuff. There has been some cute exciting stuff though.
Owen rolled over on his FOUR MONTH bday. That was exciting. He instantly flips over to his belly when we lay him on his back. He is so cute too the way he just looks up and around at everything. We went to Jake's Recruiters Annual around the middle of the month. That was actually a LOT of fun. I am so glad I ended up going with him for sure. Up until the night before it was still not for sure that I was going. I am glad it worked out though. We had a nice time together. My sister came back from Utah after only a month there. Not sure what the story really is there but I think she is back to stay. I am glad to see my nieces though so that is good! I was sad about the thought of not really knowing baby Naomi so I am glad to get to see her. Dylan is just over the moon that McKenna is here. They are so close it just breaks my heart to think of how sad he will be when we move. To be honest though, I am glad that now McKenna has a little sister to be buddies with b/c before when they were gone (the last time) she didn't really have a buddy but now she will, and Dylan has Aidan and soon Owen will be joining in on the fun. That kid is growing like a WEED! He is just SO cute and full of smiles. I don't think I have had a baby that smiles so much. Aidan hardly ever smiled as a baby and Dylan did smile a lot, but he fussed a lot too. Owen just smiles all the time. He is sleeping better too. My mom weened him off of the paci while we were gone that week and ironically he sleeps a LOT better without it. I am glad. I wouldn't have been strong enough to ween him off of it. Also I am giving him ONE, just ONE, formula bottle at night. It was very hard the first time I gave it to him b/c I felt AWFUL but he sleeps so much better at night after that bottle and I am desperate for more than two hours of sleep at a time. My mom said that she did that with him when she had him and he slept really good so I thought I'd give it a try. Turns out it's working. With Dylan I let him have a bottle every so often b/c I didn't pump much with him so when he was with my mom or someone else they'd just give him formula and it never bothered me. Aidan on the other hand only had ONE formula bottle his entire "nursing" period and that was when he had "hand, foot, mouth disease" and went on a nursing strike. After that one bottle I felt devestated so I pumped. I was a bit nazi about it. I am trying to find a happy medium here. I feel okay about it too, especially since I have every intention of nursing this one as long as possible. I am hoping two years. Aidan went for 15 months so that was nice. :D
We got out tree up today. YES we have a fake tree. YOU try having two boys who wrestle and play like crazy and a baby that puts everything in his mouth..... we would have a floor full of needles and a naked tree if we did a real one this year. Our first "fake" year was last year. I was just TIRED of dealing with the needles falling from the boys touching the tree all the time and worrying about the needles getting eaten. I LOVE having a fake tree though. I thought I would not like it so much but I do like it. I look at it like this....... being a military family we will never really have more than a few Christmases in the same house. We can't go to the SAME tree farm every year, we can't put decorations in the SAME place every year, we can't decorate outside the SAME every year. There are few things that can be a constant and if a fake tree is one of those it actually gives me a sense of comfort, if that makes any sense. A friend of mine told me once that it always bugged her that nothing could be "traditionally done" b/c you are always moving so she had certain things she ALWAYS did or put up and her kids loved that some of those things were always the same. So, our tree will always be the same, and I like that now. I said when we bought it I would only do a fake tree while the kids were little and until they are old enough to want a real one I think that is how it is going to be. Right now I like the idea of something staying the same.
Jake put up our outside lights on Thanksgiving. I love being the first house on the street with our lights up. :D He did a good job. The boys LOVE it! Dylan is so funny and has such a good memory too! He said "WHY did Daddy put a wreath on the garage? We did NOT have one on there LAST year!" HA! He is right too...we didn't! Another sort of funny thing he is saying....when Aidan is jabbering at him Dylan says "Okay Aidan, that's enough, I have told you a HUNDRED times already!" heehee And today when Aidan was telling Dylan about something Dylan said "Aidan you have told me that a HUNDRED times, you can stop now!" AH HA HA! Gee, I wonder where he heard THAT from?
Aidan is a little copy cat too..... EVERYTHING Dylan says he says. Like just now Dylan was calling for me in his bed and I said "what do you want" and he said "I have to go poop" so I let him up to do that. When I took him back to bed Aidan was standing up in his crib and said "I have to go poops too!" heehee Silly kid. He so badly wants to be JUST like Dylan.
Tonight I think Jake and I are going to drag out the decorations for the inside of the house. We are going to do the tree decorations tomorrow night. Jake is going on 12's this week until further notice (all of them are) so really this will be our only time to really do a full days worth of stuff for a long time. And I don't want a bare tree up for over a week before we decorate it and I would love his help doing the house too. So, we will welcome December with a fully decked house, inside and out.

What kid doesn't want to dress up for Halloween?!

11:00 PM - What kid doesn’t want to dress up for Halloween?! Current mood: blank
My kid apparently! Dylan has been so difficult this year when it comes to his Halloween costume. At first he wanted to be a pirate. For WEEKS he said he wanted to be a pirate. So, I got him a pirate costume. Didn't fit. It got stuck on his head and he freaked! I returned it and tried to get him to pick out a different costume and he wanted none of it. He said he wasn't going to dress up for Halloween this year. I think he was doing it just to irritate me. I found a cool fireman outfit and said "Hey Dil, you could be a fireman!" and he said "but MOM I already have that at home. My rain jacket!" His rain coat looks like a fireman coat so he said he would just wear that. Still trying to get him to get on board with a costume I said "But this one has a cool yellow fireman hat!" and he said "but MOM I have one of THOSE too! I'll just wear that." True, he does have a yellow contsruction "hard hat." I guess he's an economical three year old. My mom, trying to change his mind about a costume too, said "Dylan, Carson is going to be an elephant, are you sure you don't want to dress up in costume?" and then he said "YEAH! I want to be an ELEPHANT!" I just shot my mom this look like "thanks a lot" and she started laughing and took off down the isle. That would all be great except that they didn't HAVE any elephants. We walked through walmart with him crying for an elephant. Later that day my mom remembered she had an elephant costume Weston had worn last year so she brought it over, but by that time he didn't want to be an elephant anymore either! This kid is KILLING ME!
Anyway, that was a few weeks ago. I have held onto the elephant costume with high hopes that he would change his mind. Nope. Now he wants to be a frog. Well now it is too late to find a good costume anywhere, especially a frog. I tell him he can't be a frog b/c he waited too late to pick something (he only picked this like a week ago) so now he is back to "I don't want to be ANYFING FOR HALLOWEEN!" Greeeeeeeeeeeat.
So tonight I say "are you SURE you don't want try on the elephant costume?" and he says "no I will just be Thomas." He was Thomas the Train last year and we still have the costume so I guess he has decided he will be a repeat this year. Good grief. Who knows what he will actually be when it comes right down to it. We still have about 20 hours to go until he has to be in an actual costume.
Aidan on the other hand is going to be the cutest clown you have ever seen! I had bought him a giraffe costume last year when they went on sale after Halloween but it doesn't fit him like I hoped it would. Plus he was very scared of the giraffes head being above his head. He kept looking up at the nose and going cross eyed!
Owen will be.....nothing. Alert the bad mom media.... I'm not dressing up my baby. I had some baby Halloween outfits but I gave them to Teresa when Kambrie was a baby b/c I thought we were done having kids. I had actually forgotten about them until just the other day. Oh well, he would just spit up all over it anyway.

Back in the (blog) saddle again!

12:25 AM - How does this blog thing work again? It’s been so long.... Current mood: tired
I feel like a newbie blogger all over again. Where do I begin? What do I say? Will anyone even READ this word vomit?

The funny thing about blogging is that you tend to think in "blog" even when you aren't currently blogging. It has been driving me NUTS to be blogging in my mind and have no time or access to spit it all out. Now that I am here I am blank. BLANK I tell you blank! How is this possible??? I'll just be sproradic in my thoughts tonight I guess.... although, how is this any different than a normal day? I KNOW you were totally thinking that.

Some things have been going through my mind....

The California fires....oh.my.word. Can I just say that I sat there watching and thinking about all of those people and all of that stuff that they lost, irreplaceable stuff, and I was just so overwhelmed. All I could think about was my kids. What would I do if I was all alone and something like that happened? How would I get my kids out? What would I do? I have too many kids... KIDDING! I just don't have enough arms. I need one more. That would be sweet. Or creepy. Anyway, watching all of that footage just made me feel so grateful for everything we have. When we got married we literally had NOTHING. Not even a bed. Jake had to go buy our first bed before I moved to Missouri. Note to self, never let Jake buy a bed w/o me there. I swear he bought a piece of concrete slab. I hated that bed. I love my bed now though. California King baby! Oh yeah. It's funny the things you think about when you are watching someone else's tradgedy. I just sat and looked around my house, looked at my kids while they were sleeping, looked at Jake picking his nose (KIDDING!) and just was overwhelmed with how blessed we have been and how lucky we are to even be where we are today. Not that things are perfect, oh my word no. In fact, I am sure I could find MORE to complain about than to be happy about, but seeing all of those burned down houses really put things in perpsective for me. I have been lacking perspective lately.

Having Three Boys.... what did I get myself into? AH HA HA! SERIOUSLY! I watch Dylan and Aidan wrestling and I just cringe at the anticipation I feel waiting to hear a bone snap or a see an eye roll across the floor! I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day while watching them attempt to kill each other and I said "Oh my gosh mom all they do is wrestle and beat the crap out of each other! It makes me nervous!" and she said "Brandy! You have BOYS! You'd better get used to it!" I said "I know, but it makes me so nervous!" What's new? Something makes me nervous. Alert the media. I just think about Owen in another year and a half or so and wonder if he'll survive the other two! Poor little fella! But really truly, I look at my three boys lately and I am just overwhelmed with how much I love them. I told Jake that I look at them and just want to cry b/c I want to hold them forever and never let them go ever. They grow so fast.

My meds..... okay so remember that blog "Oh blah dee oh blah daa life goes on..." and how I was talking about being depressed and all that jazz? Well I did call my doctor and I did get in with a therapist and I did get on meds. It was the toughest decision I think I have ever made. Seriously. I was very torn over it. I cried a lot of tears deciding if I should do this. I even sat in my OB's office and cried to her. I cried to my pediatrician. I cried to my lactation consultant. Seriously, I cried a lot. I finally decided that I was tired of being tired and tired of being SAD all the time. Let's just say it does get darkest before the dawn and in hindsight I see that a lot of things really did happen for a reason. Two of those things being the fact that we are not moving right now. I NEVER would have broke down and called my doctor had we gotten our orders. I just wouldn't have. I was putting all my hope in moving, and that was wrong. Another thing was my computer. I think that if I had had access to my computer during all of this I wouldn't have given myself the chance I needed to realign my life and priorities. I was spending way too much time online. It was my numbing drug I think. Honestly, it let me get lost when I couldn't cope with anything else. Now that I have been on them for a while and they have kicked in, I can COMPLETELY tell the difference. I am happier. I am not a snapping at everyone around me. I can cope with a less than perfect house. Not that it doesn't bother me still, but I can handle it a lot better. I don't cringe when I hear my kids being kids. I don't dread the next day. I don't want to cry just because I woke up and am dreading the day. Now I wake up and think, "where do I start? what do I need to do?" and it doesn't overwhelm me most days like it did before. I feel normal again. As normal as I can be. har har! heehee I still have a long way to go, and I'm continuing therapy for that, and charting my moods and days, but I am thinking more clearly and the fog is lifting. I am so grateful for that right now.

My mom and Bob.... they are getting a divorce and really I am surprised at how this is affecting me. I really am sad about this. I hadn't been letting myself think about it before b/c really I don't think I could emotionally handle it before, but now, I've been thinking about it and I don't like it. It makes me sad. Already I find myself not liking whoever my mom would choose to date after the divorce. How "ten years old" is that?! I am sad to think about the house that I basically grew up in not being there anymore for me to call "home." Even though Bob and I aren't "tight" I did find comfort in seeing him around the house and just knowing that he was there. I didn't always agree with him or even completely enjoy him all the time, in fact we disagreed a lot, but I still just always felt like he would always be around. It never really occured to me that he could NOT be there one day. I know my mom is unhappy, and I want her to be happy, I just wish it didn't have to be this way. And then, in thinking that, I feel like I'm not being loyal to her or something, and I want to be loyal to my mom and support her, but I just feel torn. Like I am betraying her by saying that I will miss Bob or even that I wish she wasn't divorcing him.

Jake's stupid Annual Banquet coming up...... seriously I am not really looking forward to this thing. I am however looking forward to three nights away with my husband and NO kids! This is our yearly "get away" and as much as I don't like faking a friendly face for a bunch of people that I would love to scream at, I will do just about anything to hang with Jake for a few days minus the kids. We are so good when it's just us and no kids. I miss those days in Missouri when it was just us hanging out all the time. I love when we get a piece of that back..... like on our date nights or our little trips like this. We do this trip and one for our anniversary, but that has only been since we moved back here. I hope it's something we can keep up after we move (if we ever move!) The one thing I really am looking forward to though is wearing my dress. This dress is AMAZING! I love it. It is gorgeous! And my goal is for NO ONE to guess that had a baby since last years annual, since last year I was hecka skinny and everyone commented on it (b/c the year before that I was 9 months pregnant!). I love when Jake is proud and that is my goal for him. That is one thing I remember reading in "For Women Only" that husbands really are proud when their wives try to look nice for them and how sometimes other men will see a guys wife and think either "WOW he's lucky, she takes care of herself (by trying to look nice)" or they think "poor guy" and I will not have people say "poor guy!" Although, I have not been excercising really at all and that is baaaad. I have hit a wall with this weight loss and it's clear to me that I am not going to lose anymore unless I kick it up a notch. I guess I should use that elliptical I bought huh?

Okay I think that is enough for tonight. Good grief it's late and Owen is awake again to eat.

Oh blah dee Oh blah daa life goes on.....

ooooooh la la la la life goes on. (Sorry I had to.)

Anyway, I came here for serious reasons and I now I have that song stuck in my head. So I guess I'll get a few other things out of my head so I can concentrate on why I'm here at all.
I hate ants. They are evil. They have devoured my kitchen. I believe there are ants in hell....it's part of the package.
I hate it when there are people missing from a party, especially if they have implied they are coming.... now I am left with party favors and balloons I don't know what to do with. ugh. (however my sisters shower was still pretty sweeeeeet. hehe)
I hate a messy house, and mine is half messy....really. The kitchen (besides the ants), the bathroom, the living room, and dining area (so not a room) is clean..... however all the bedrooms and our bathroom are a mess. blah. And you may be asking "how do you have ants if your kitchen is clean?" I have no idea. They are coming from UNDER the fridge. Great. Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow. Last night they were coming from under the stove so I pulled that out and vacuumed and mopped the floor under the stove. That was fun. *SNIDE*
Did I mention I hate ants??

Okay I think that was everything that is grating on me at the moment.

======

So I made a call on, ummm.... Thursday I think? to my OB and told her that I basically lied on Monday at my 6 week check up. I am slightly depressed, but not in a horribly negative way. I know, that sounds stupid. I think it's more anxiety than anything. Sometimes uncontrollable anxiety. Sometimes edginess (shaking, jitters). Sometimes downright SADNESS for no reason at all. I KNOW it's the hormones, what else would it be?I have just been fighting this. I told her it's not like it was when I was pg with Owen....that was pure evil anger. This is just SAD. Really. I was crying on the stinking phone talking to her about it b/c I was mad that I lied and didn't just take care of this on Monday. Before I talked to her I did some research online about antidepressants while nursing. EVERYTHING said "the benefits of nursing and the mother's wellbeing far outweigh the risks to the baby" and I just don't think I buy that load. I can't wrap my brain around ANY reason to subject my baby to drugs that will have some not so great effects on him. The one she wants to put me on she said is recommended for nursing b/c it ONLY will cause sleepiness, less frequent nursing, and weight loss in my baby. ONLY. Oh well in THAT case where do I sign up to make my baby stop eating, start sleeping, and lose weight?!?! He's looking a bit chunky, it's time to put him on a CELEXA diet. ugh. I just cannot justify it in my brain right now. It breaks my heart. :( I told her all of my worries and how I would feel horrible guilt for any side effects to him. She suggested I talk to their counselor about it and together (all three of us) can determine if that is a good option for me or not. I'm not sure. I just wish I could do this on my own.
Funny thing is though.... that yesterday and today I actually got my butt up and DID stuff.... like showered and was busy all day long.....and I feel pretty good. I'm tired, but I'm not weepy and I'm not edgy. BUT, yesterday I didn't have any of the kids with me all day (shower prepping) and today was a whirlwind that ended with a big party. My appt with the counselor is on Thursday and with my doctor on Friday. My goal this week is to try to get up and get ready for the day and be busy everyday....whether it's busy at home, or elsewhere, but just be DOING something instead of sitting on my arse. I need to have a goal for the day. I am hoping that that will make a difference. I don't know. I could just be kidding myself.
I do know that at the end of the day the yucky feelings, the "not right with myself" feelings are still lingering there. I hate hormones.

The counselor I have seen off and on for 2 years now and just got done seeing again (Jake and I just went a few times together) was telling me that I have my feelings of worth wrapped up in how well I keep my house clean, how good of a wife/mom/daughter/friend I am.... and that that's not right. I don't agree.I was kind of frustrated the last time I talked to her b/c she thinks that I need to let everything go and not worry about it. Easier said than done. And so what if my feelings of worth ARE wrapped up in those things.....those are the things I want to be good at. The things I WANT to do well in my life. I may have grown up saying I wanted to DO something "when I was all grown up" but always in my mind I had a picture of what I wanted to BE. And a (semi) perfect SAHM was always what I pictured. Am I holding myself up to a standard that is too high? Is what I always pictured unattainable? Unattainable w/o drugs to keep me "level?" I don't know. I don't have the answers I want and need right now and that is frustrating to me.

It's funny b/c I just finished reading this book called "When Joy came to stay" by Karen Kingsbury and it's about a women who is severly depressed b/c she gave up a baby years ago before she was married and never told her husband about it. Now granted, I can't relate to that situation, but I could relate to her feelings of hopelessness and the overwhelming feeling that the world was sitting on your chest....not your shoulders, your chest. Anyway, in the book she said she thought that "good christians" didn't need a PILL to make them better. Then the person she was talking to said "some people think that these PILLS are God's answer to prayer, to help you out of the fog." I started thinking about that......and I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm kind of on the fence about that right now. It's just funny how I read that book this week while I was coming to terms with a lot of my own stuff. Actually I finished it this week, I've been reading it for a few.

The deciding factor for me in ADMITTING that I don't feel right was the not moving. I kept holding out hope that I would be fine after we moved. My mom kept saying "after you move it will only get worse b/c you won't be around family to help you out." True. But also not true. It is stressful to be around family too. Not that I don't love them, but it just is....for a lot of reasons, good and bad. Plus, and I know this sounds selfish, but Jake and I grew to love our time in MO "alone." Granted it was hard sometimes and we missed our family. I was just hoping that things would change and be easier once Jake was working his regular job again and actually had TIME to spend with us. When that hope of moving was taken away from me this week I was more upset about the thought that now I would stay in this "fog" longer. THEN I realized that this fog won't lift just from a move, and even it did, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon and I needed to take care of it. That is when I knew I had to call my doctor. I really felt like I saw no end in sight of this and it was overwhelming for me. My friend Sabrina from Link Group told me today that she was worried about me b/c the last time she saw me she was concerned that I just didn't look right. She was right in her assumption. It was one of "those" nights and I just couldn't put a fake smile on my face to save my life.

I am good at faking it most of the time, really. I've become really good at it actually. Tammy wrote a blog yesterday that caused me to think about this a little bit(I would link you to it but I don't know how to do that yet...I know, LAME). I need to stop faking it.....the problem is that I kind of do get a boost out of "going through the happiness motions." Kind of the "Fake it till ya make it" philosophy. It does work to a degree.... but as soon as you walk away from that situation where you're faking it, you crash even harder....b/c you know.

Sooo, my goal this week is to give some sort of structure to my day and see if that helps me remain focused and not let my mind wander. I don't know what to do when the edginess and jitters pop up (and NO I don't have a daily caffeine intake.... the most I will maybe have is one cup of coffee 2-3 days a week....and believe it or not, the coffee calms me more than anything.) My friend Mary told me that when I get the overwhelming feelings of sadness I need to just stop and PRAY. That is my other goal.

*YAWN* This was a looooong post. Sorry. ;-)

Quotable Quotes

I was on this financial website today and it had an article with these quotes. Somehow they pertained to finances, I guess I should have read the paragraphs after them? ;-)
Anyway, I found these to be good quotes worth saving. :D



When you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it--this is knowledge.--Confucius

He that is overcautious will accomplish little.--Friedrich von Schiller

It is the part of a wise man to keep himself today for tomorrow and not to venture all his eggs in one basket.--Miguel de Cervantes

For age and want, save while you may; no morning sun lasts a whole day.--Benjamin Franklin

It never was my thinking that made the big money for me. It was always my sitting. Got that? My sitting tight!--Edwin Lefevre

Fashion is made to become unfashionable.--Coco Chanel

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.--St. Augustine

There is nothing new in the world except the history you do not know.--Harry Truman

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. --Eleanor Roosevelt

As life closes in on someone who has borrowed far too much money on the strength of far too little income, there are no fire escapes. --John Kenneth Galbraith

In every house of marriage there's room for an interpreter.--Stanley Kunitz

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. --Pablo Picasso

The time is always right to do the right thing.--Martin Luther King Jr.

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. --Jonathan Swift

I've been tagged!

My friend Cheryl (http://www.cdntransplant1997.wordpress.com/) tagged me on her blog so here goes.......

Okay here are the rules:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

N- Nice....to a fault. I definately fall into the "people pleaser" category.
I- Inconsistant. I am very much a "bouncing off the walls" kind of person. A bit scattered. ;o)
C- Caring. I truly care and worry about EVERYONE I know.
O- Overweight....ah ha ha!!! I just had a baby, of course I am! (I really couldn't think of anything else here. heehee)
L- Loyal. If I consider you a good friend then you are a friend for life.
E- Extrovert. Totally. I NEED to be around people for me to feel "right" and like myself. Otherwise I get a bit depressed.

Okay there ya go. Not sure those are so special or interesting, but there it is!
Okay I will tag....
TERESA
LANITA
TONI
KACIE
MARY
MARCIA

There ya go! ENJOY! heehee

Sooooo Angryyyyy

12:08 AM - Soooooooo Angryyyyyyyyyy Current mood: disappointed
Jake just called. He had a conference call this morning. We thought it would be good news. It's not.
We aren't moving anytime soon. Since February they have been telling us we are moving. At first it was July, then it was Septemeber, then it was December, then it was back to October, then it was "any day now," and now today they tell us if we're LUCKY we'll get orders MAYBE in November and then not move until sometime between February and April....if we're lucky. I'm thinking we're not.
I am so angry right now. I want to scream and puke and cry and pull my hair out all at the same time. My gut reaction was "WHY GOD would you do this? We have prayed and prayed about moving and asking you to move where it would be best for us and then you go and keep us here. WHY?!" and then I realized that maybe He is keeping us here for a reason, a reason I can't possibly understand or imagine right now. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I am. I know I should trust God that this is right for us right now, and while I do, I just don't understand it. God knows how hard this has been for us, how hard it's been on our marriage, and yet here we stay. Please God let me see the bigger picture here and be okay with this.
"I know it is right in the sight of my God but my heart is dying to differ"
I wrote that in a poem FOREVER ago, in highschool sometime. I never thougt it would apply now.
This has to be okay. I have to get a grip and realize we are not leaving anytime soon and just move on. I feel like I need a mourning period or something. :P

The Rundown......

Saturday night we went to the races with Mom. We took Dylan and Aidan and left Owen with my grandma. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn't hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don't want the boys to not be protected. The races were sort of stressful for me b/c the kids would NOT sit down. I think I watched MAYBE 5 minutes COMBINED time of the races. The last straw for me was Aidan throwing a screaming fit and Dylan knocking his soda all over the kid in front of us. Talk about embarrassing. So I packed up me and Aidan I left. Aidan and I had gone out after Mom and Jake and Dylan and Kenna..... that way I could leave early to get back to Owen. Good thing too b/c Mom and Jake and the kids didn't get back until almost 11!!!!
Needless to say we skipped church so the kids could sleep in from such a LATE night. Sunday morning we got up and Jake started doing some yardwork. I called mom to see if the boys could go over there for the morning/afternoon while we cracked out some yard work. We got almost all that I wanted done DONE, there will be some tidy up stuff to do on Friday or Saturday before the shower, but pretty much the big stuff got done. :D
Then I had to take Owen to the Dr. so they could make him POOP. He still had not really gone...he went Saturday but just a teeny bit. I called Sunday and they wanted me to bring him in, so I did. They did some "stuff" to him and gave him a suppository (I had given him one saturday too) and sent us home. When we got home he finally had a BLOWOUT. I got him cleaned up and then we went to our Link Group BBQ at David and Sabrina's. We stayed there for a while but I was so dang tired I was practically falling asleep on the deck...I felt like I was anyway. Hopefully no one noticed! LOL
Yesterday I had my 6 week OB check-up.... that went good. She talked to me about antidepressants but I said I didn't want to do that just yet, to which she said "I knew you'd say that" hehe I just want to wait it out and see what happens. I'll know if I'm getting worse or even just not getting better. I really think it's just baby blues....After that I went shopping for more baby shower stuff. I can't say here in case Kacie reads this, but it is going to be SO CUTE! I am very excited to do this. :D I have a TON to do though before Saturday. UGH...not sure how I will get it all done. My mom is going to come help with some stuff....but right now it all just seems like a lot...and I am totally that person that does not ask for help b/c really, I don't want it (unless it's my mom) b/c I just like things done a certain way. ;o)
Oh yeah, Owen slept 5.5 hours Sunday night!! That is the most sleep I've gotten since before I had him! I felt like a new woman!!! LOL I swear it was because he finally pooped, b/c he hasn't pooped since then and now he is fussy again. Anyway, since I had gotten SO MUCH sleep that night I was totally in the mood to clean and stuff yesterday so last night I got a lot of cleaning done and I even made dinner! yeah, sounds small, but lately for me, that was a big deal. LOL However, you'd never know I cleaned by looking at it today. :( I was just telling my grandma this morning while she was here for a while that that is the ONE thing I HATE about being home all day....the messes. YOu have to constantly be cleaning to keep on top of it.....especially with three kids. Three kids and a husband who forgets to clean up the dinner mess so I am left with it in the morning. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice.
Today is a low key day again.I was beat when I got up this morning. I stayed up too late IM'ing with Marcia last night and I didn't get to sleep until 1. Then Owen woke up at 4:30, back to bed at 5:20, woke up again at 7:30 and then that was that. I tried to snooze on the couch for a while this morning and succeeded until Owen started getting fussy. Dylan was just playing in the living room and cuddling with me off and on until he got hungry. Aidan didn't wake up after 10!!!! OMG!!! I love that that kids sleeps in so late! I wish Dylan would do that. Dylan is up at the crack up dawn, always. He is getting good about sneaking into our bed so I don't even hear him. When I woke up at 7:30 he was there!
Mom is coming over later maybe to help me make some shower stuff but other than that, nothing much today. I just want to sleep. ALL of the kids are asleep right now...granted Owen is on my chest even right now, but at least they are all asleep. I hear the couch calling my name.....................

Catch-Up

*YAWN* Will this kid EVER sleep more? I am feeling at my wits end. I told Jake this morning that I am not sure how much more of this NOT sleeping I can handle. I have resorted to drinking coffe with just half and half.... SO NOT ME. It's helped keep my eyes open, but that's about it.
It's so nice outside today. I have been LOVING this summer. I absolutely hate HOT HOT HOT weather, so this year has been nice for me. I wish the boys would go outside today, but they don't want to, and I am too tired to round them up to take them to the park. Dylan has been watching his Nick Jr. videos this morning. I am too tired to protest.
The other day we went to my friend Angela's grandparents house for the afternoon. They have a big in-ground pool and Angela has a friend visiting from Germany named Nina. Nina takes GREAT pictures and she took a ton of the boys. They are sooooo good. I love them. Ange dropped them off yesterday morning when she was walking her dog and now I am trying to download them to an album. The boys had so much fun! Dylan mostly swam in the pool with Angela...Aidan was a bit apprehensive about it. I loved watching them though yesterday. They were having a blast! I was nervous though the whole time, even though I enjoyed hanging out and visiting. Angela and I MAYBE get together twice a year to visit so this was nice. I was nervous b/c of the pool (no fence around it) and b/c of the fish pond. Aidan was loving the pond and kept getting too close to it and he kept RUNNING towards the pool. Dylan ran by the pool once and I about lost my breath. They aren't used to being around a pool like that so they didn't understand why we kept jumping on them about it. At one point at the pond, Dylan teetered and I thought I would have a heart attack. While it is nice to visit and play around a pool, I am so glad we don't have one b/c I would be on pins and needles all the time. Overall it was a great afternoon though. I am so glad we got to spend time up there with them and visit. Angela's grandparents were home too and her mom and one of her brothers came up. They were like a second family to me growing up so it was so nice to catch up. :D
I just got off the phone with the nurse at the Ped's office and they want me to give Owen a suppository! OMG! =O This should be fun. He hasn't pooped in 2 weeks now. :( I just realized that this morning. I knew he hadn't pooped in a while but I didn't realize until today that it's been two weeks already. :( Poor little fella.
I was supposed to go shopping with Mom yesterday for baby shower stuff but I decided to stay home instead and do NOTHING and not feel guilty about it. Trying not to feel guilty about it. I mean NOTHING too. I did not cleaning or anything. I just wanted to veg. Last night we went to the PHIL WICKHAM concert at church. It was a cool concert and I really liked the guy that sang before him. Jake liked him too. The girl that sang before him had such a pretty voice too. She was cute. Kacie said she was younger than us too....that surprised me. After the concert I signed up for this thing called "MOCHA CLUB"..... basically another one of those deals where you send money to this organization to help orphans in other countries. What got me was the story this guy told about.....that the number one cause of death for orphans in this one country (don't remember which one) isn't disease or starvation, it's being eaten alive by hyennas b/c they have to sleep outside b/c the orphanage isn't big enough. UGH. I was instantly sick and started crying thinking about my babies. I told Jake "we are signing up, end of discussion." LOL You got to name your own "team" too (not sure why yet, I guess I'll figure it out later) and I named it DAO. :P I thought that was appropriate. Dylan, Aidan, Owen. :) Anyway.....
I was excited to get out without ANY of the kids for a while. I needed a break. :( It's funny b/c I feel like I need a break, but I LOVE doing nothing with them and just watching them be funny. I just love to LOOK at them. :) Even when we're all grumpy.
Dylan was sitting with me on the couch while I fed Owen and he was watching Ruby and Max, a cartoon about bunnies and they were dressing Max up like a baby and Dylan said "we don't have any babies HERE!" and I said "oh really, what is Owen?" and he said "Owen is a FAT baby!" AH HA HA HA!! heehee I couldn't stop laughing.
Tonight we are going to the races with Mom. We're taking Dylan and Aidan and leaving Owen with my grandma. I think the boys will like it. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn't hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don't want the boys to not be protected.
Tomorrow we are HOPEFULLY going to stop by Jake's grandparents anniversary dinner and visit for a few and then head to our Link Group BBQ. They happen to be within a half hour of eachother and we've been planning the BBQ for over a week and we didn't find out about the anniversary dinner until YESTERDAY! Sooo... let's hope the boys' nap times don't run over or we will have to skip that altogether. I hate last minute notices. Throws the whole day off.
Other than that we NEED to find some time to squeek in some yard cleanup. I have got to get down to business this week for the baby shower. I still have a ton to do. TAMMY:IF YOU'RE READING THIS....ARE YOU AND KASS COMING?? Anyway, that is all we have planned for our "exciting" weekend. :P Not much. Now I need to go put away about 5 loads of folded laundry. blech.