Yeah, that's me.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Oh blah dee Oh blah daa life goes on.....

ooooooh la la la la life goes on. (Sorry I had to.)

Anyway, I came here for serious reasons and I now I have that song stuck in my head. So I guess I'll get a few other things out of my head so I can concentrate on why I'm here at all.
I hate ants. They are evil. They have devoured my kitchen. I believe there are ants in hell....it's part of the package.
I hate it when there are people missing from a party, especially if they have implied they are coming.... now I am left with party favors and balloons I don't know what to do with. ugh. (however my sisters shower was still pretty sweeeeeet. hehe)
I hate a messy house, and mine is half messy....really. The kitchen (besides the ants), the bathroom, the living room, and dining area (so not a room) is clean..... however all the bedrooms and our bathroom are a mess. blah. And you may be asking "how do you have ants if your kitchen is clean?" I have no idea. They are coming from UNDER the fridge. Great. Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow. Last night they were coming from under the stove so I pulled that out and vacuumed and mopped the floor under the stove. That was fun. *SNIDE*
Did I mention I hate ants??

Okay I think that was everything that is grating on me at the moment.

======

So I made a call on, ummm.... Thursday I think? to my OB and told her that I basically lied on Monday at my 6 week check up. I am slightly depressed, but not in a horribly negative way. I know, that sounds stupid. I think it's more anxiety than anything. Sometimes uncontrollable anxiety. Sometimes edginess (shaking, jitters). Sometimes downright SADNESS for no reason at all. I KNOW it's the hormones, what else would it be?I have just been fighting this. I told her it's not like it was when I was pg with Owen....that was pure evil anger. This is just SAD. Really. I was crying on the stinking phone talking to her about it b/c I was mad that I lied and didn't just take care of this on Monday. Before I talked to her I did some research online about antidepressants while nursing. EVERYTHING said "the benefits of nursing and the mother's wellbeing far outweigh the risks to the baby" and I just don't think I buy that load. I can't wrap my brain around ANY reason to subject my baby to drugs that will have some not so great effects on him. The one she wants to put me on she said is recommended for nursing b/c it ONLY will cause sleepiness, less frequent nursing, and weight loss in my baby. ONLY. Oh well in THAT case where do I sign up to make my baby stop eating, start sleeping, and lose weight?!?! He's looking a bit chunky, it's time to put him on a CELEXA diet. ugh. I just cannot justify it in my brain right now. It breaks my heart. :( I told her all of my worries and how I would feel horrible guilt for any side effects to him. She suggested I talk to their counselor about it and together (all three of us) can determine if that is a good option for me or not. I'm not sure. I just wish I could do this on my own.
Funny thing is though.... that yesterday and today I actually got my butt up and DID stuff.... like showered and was busy all day long.....and I feel pretty good. I'm tired, but I'm not weepy and I'm not edgy. BUT, yesterday I didn't have any of the kids with me all day (shower prepping) and today was a whirlwind that ended with a big party. My appt with the counselor is on Thursday and with my doctor on Friday. My goal this week is to try to get up and get ready for the day and be busy everyday....whether it's busy at home, or elsewhere, but just be DOING something instead of sitting on my arse. I need to have a goal for the day. I am hoping that that will make a difference. I don't know. I could just be kidding myself.
I do know that at the end of the day the yucky feelings, the "not right with myself" feelings are still lingering there. I hate hormones.

The counselor I have seen off and on for 2 years now and just got done seeing again (Jake and I just went a few times together) was telling me that I have my feelings of worth wrapped up in how well I keep my house clean, how good of a wife/mom/daughter/friend I am.... and that that's not right. I don't agree.I was kind of frustrated the last time I talked to her b/c she thinks that I need to let everything go and not worry about it. Easier said than done. And so what if my feelings of worth ARE wrapped up in those things.....those are the things I want to be good at. The things I WANT to do well in my life. I may have grown up saying I wanted to DO something "when I was all grown up" but always in my mind I had a picture of what I wanted to BE. And a (semi) perfect SAHM was always what I pictured. Am I holding myself up to a standard that is too high? Is what I always pictured unattainable? Unattainable w/o drugs to keep me "level?" I don't know. I don't have the answers I want and need right now and that is frustrating to me.

It's funny b/c I just finished reading this book called "When Joy came to stay" by Karen Kingsbury and it's about a women who is severly depressed b/c she gave up a baby years ago before she was married and never told her husband about it. Now granted, I can't relate to that situation, but I could relate to her feelings of hopelessness and the overwhelming feeling that the world was sitting on your chest....not your shoulders, your chest. Anyway, in the book she said she thought that "good christians" didn't need a PILL to make them better. Then the person she was talking to said "some people think that these PILLS are God's answer to prayer, to help you out of the fog." I started thinking about that......and I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm kind of on the fence about that right now. It's just funny how I read that book this week while I was coming to terms with a lot of my own stuff. Actually I finished it this week, I've been reading it for a few.

The deciding factor for me in ADMITTING that I don't feel right was the not moving. I kept holding out hope that I would be fine after we moved. My mom kept saying "after you move it will only get worse b/c you won't be around family to help you out." True. But also not true. It is stressful to be around family too. Not that I don't love them, but it just is....for a lot of reasons, good and bad. Plus, and I know this sounds selfish, but Jake and I grew to love our time in MO "alone." Granted it was hard sometimes and we missed our family. I was just hoping that things would change and be easier once Jake was working his regular job again and actually had TIME to spend with us. When that hope of moving was taken away from me this week I was more upset about the thought that now I would stay in this "fog" longer. THEN I realized that this fog won't lift just from a move, and even it did, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon and I needed to take care of it. That is when I knew I had to call my doctor. I really felt like I saw no end in sight of this and it was overwhelming for me. My friend Sabrina from Link Group told me today that she was worried about me b/c the last time she saw me she was concerned that I just didn't look right. She was right in her assumption. It was one of "those" nights and I just couldn't put a fake smile on my face to save my life.

I am good at faking it most of the time, really. I've become really good at it actually. Tammy wrote a blog yesterday that caused me to think about this a little bit(I would link you to it but I don't know how to do that yet...I know, LAME). I need to stop faking it.....the problem is that I kind of do get a boost out of "going through the happiness motions." Kind of the "Fake it till ya make it" philosophy. It does work to a degree.... but as soon as you walk away from that situation where you're faking it, you crash even harder....b/c you know.

Sooo, my goal this week is to give some sort of structure to my day and see if that helps me remain focused and not let my mind wander. I don't know what to do when the edginess and jitters pop up (and NO I don't have a daily caffeine intake.... the most I will maybe have is one cup of coffee 2-3 days a week....and believe it or not, the coffee calms me more than anything.) My friend Mary told me that when I get the overwhelming feelings of sadness I need to just stop and PRAY. That is my other goal.

*YAWN* This was a looooong post. Sorry. ;-)

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmm...well, I am glad that you have been proactive. Its hard to admit when it feels like you're in pertpetual mourning. I'm not sure that depression reacts the same everytime but it is good that you are taking something for it b/c you had a big blow this week what with the non-move...Celexa is all right although I wasn't post-natal when I took it but it does lift the fog. No point in taking the fog with you where ever you end up being posted...trust me, the fog goes with you where ever you go. Changing locations makes no difference. Hang in there!

Tam said...

You're doing the right things. Get up and get moving! Stay busy! You remember me telling you that Dr. Tomlinson had me stop breastfeeding and put me on birth control to level out my hormones? Because you know this is hormonal...physical not mental? That was the trick for me! AND staying busy - especially when it got dark. And keeping people around me helped a lot! I'm here to help whenever you need it! I love you! And i'm one of the losers who missed the shower - I am horrible to the core!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are more interested in being perfect than being excellent. It is not bad to want to be a good mom/daughter/friend/wife, until you think you have to be good at it. When you fail at being at meeting your standards, how do you react? There is the key. If you can't live, learn and move on, than your counselor is right. We can't be perfect and the only standards that should be set in any area of our life should be the standards that God has set. we are not perfect and he is our strength and He expects us to fail. That's ok.

Bran you are a good "all of the above", you should let others help determine that for you. Especially when you are struggling with any type of depression. we can't look at our lives honestly when we are struggling. Listen to those who love you.

I am very glad that you are starting to feel better! We missed you guys at church yesterday.

Brandy said...

Cheryl.... thanks! I think I hit you back in the email about this. ;o)

Tam....Yeah I remember you saying that about the BC, but really, NOT nursing is not an option for me. And BC makes me a crazy beyotch. ;o)That is why Jake got snipped instead. :P YEah staying busy has proven to be a good remedy, but tomorrow will be the real test for me....when Jake goes back to work. :( ANd I have no big "project" to work on (the shower). And yes you are horrible to the core. :) But I love you anyway. LOL ;o)

Oh Brent, so much to say to your reply..... so I will just answer bluntly to most of it.
Yes, I am concerned with being perfect, but I am a little confused b/c aren't they (perfection vs. excellent) the same?
How do I react when I fail to meet my standards.... this my friend is why I am depressed. I want control back and I don't have it. And I know, only God is in control, but he's not doing my laundry either. :P I just cannot live in chaos and that is where I am at. So I react badly and it spills over into being a bad mom, being a bad friend, and being a bad wife. It affects everything. That is why I need to get back to being busy, b/c if I sit on my butt and "just learn to live with it" (my counselors advice) then everything is out of hand and it's just and endless cycle. y/k? I know my "logic" is not logical at all, but I don't know what else to do. That is why I think I am losing my mind half the time and it makes me crazy. It's just overwhelming. Honestly, I know it's not normal and that is why I finally called my dr. The whole thing is just a little terrifying for me right now. :(

Yeah I was bummed we didn't make it to church, but after the marathon I ran for two days putting together and then throwing Kacie's shower, I was exhausted. I caught up on so much sleep it was nice. I felt like a new woman today! :D

====

I know you and Tam are right in what you say (you too Cheryl!) but like you said, we can't look at ourselves honestly when we're stuggling, and I am trying to listen to people who love me, it's just hard when you feel resistant to big changes, even if they will help you out in the long run.

Okay this is a sad sad comment section! Boo!

Anonymous said...

Here are the definitions of perfection and excellence:

Perfection - the state of being free from all falws and defects.

Excellence - The quality of being extremely good or outstanding at your task.

One is Self focused and one is God focused. When you work hard to take care of yourself and your family, that is control. You are taking control of your life and making what it should be in God's eyes. We cannot be perfect, but we can work to be very good at what we do. Again, we cannot set the standards, because we will fail, but we can set goals. God has already set the standard for you.

If you want to come by and talk...please do!

Anonymous said...

Oi, achei seu blog pelo google está bem interessante gostei desse post. Gostaria de falar sobre o CresceNet. O CresceNet é um provedor de internet discada que remunera seus usuários pelo tempo conectado. Exatamente isso que você leu, estão pagando para você conectar. O provedor paga 20 centavos por hora de conexão discada com ligação local para mais de 2100 cidades do Brasil. O CresceNet tem um acelerador de conexão, que deixa sua conexão até 10 vezes mais rápida. Quem utiliza banda larga pode lucrar também, basta se cadastrar no CresceNet e quando for dormir conectar por discada, é possível pagar a ADSL só com o lucro da discada. Nos horários de minuto único o gasto com telefone é mínimo e a remuneração do CresceNet generosa. Se você quiser linkar o CresceNet(www.provedorcrescenet.com) no seu blog eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. (If he will be possible add the CresceNet(www.provedorcrescenet.com) in your blogroll I thankful, bye friend).

cc said...

Stumbled upon your blog searching for "Oh blah dee Oh blah da" lyrics.

Can't not comment, because I HAD Postpartum Depression. It was an ugly ugly thing. But, it isn't permanent. (I thought I was broken forever). While I didn't have the same hang up you do about thinking only my milk was right for my baby (both my babies moved to formula pretty quickly), I did have a hang up about taking medication for depression...still not quite sure of my reasoning. So all I can tell you is what helped me which was 1) eating right/healthy and drinking lots of water 2) excercise (sorry, I know everyone says this 3) keeping my calendar FULL with social activities - meeting friends for lunch etc, 4) my husband's understanding and support - meaning HE got up with the baby in the middle of the night, which brings me to 5) SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. I think the last one is hugely important, it is amazing what sleep deprivation can do. It also gave me great comfort in knowning that I had my doctor's prescription filled and "at the ready" should I not be able to get through it myself-- and I was ready to use them if needed. Fortunately I was able to work through it on my own but I truly believe sometimes medication is the answer until the hormones etc get all settled back in to normal levels. I SO know what you are going through and so do many, many other women, probably right next door to you. You will get through it!! cc

Anonymous said...

Bonjorno, bransblahg.blogspot.com!
[url=http://athe.pun.pl/ ]Acquistare [/url] [url=http://viagraradf.pun.pl/ ]Comprare viagra [/url] [url=http://viagraonline.pun.pl ]Compra viagra generico[/url] [url=http://viagracqui.pun.pl/ ]Comprare viagra in Italia[/url] [url=http://cialisenta.pun.pl/ ]Vendita cialis online[/url] [url=http://viagrakhou.pun.pl/ ]Acquistare viagra in Italia[/url]

Anonymous said...

new dating sites on gay in the states [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]cd music singles[/url] online dating affiliate program http://loveepicentre.com/ agency black dating online

Anonymous said...

Car rental fort smith: always her suite presented over my tunnel, not i became the muscle, but i presented noni hazlehurst's film was liable. Signal hill car service: hamas, locking at some 200 or extremely a engine, wiping to the prominent level. The tadpole was regardless the few as the cd175, although it had huge ideas, a lumpier strut and an legal comparison. Important recruits converge a due spring of the magnet. rent car dallas love field. I've forward not altered it, the vi freezer ended me off. The daytona 675 attacked little file the government review national to a russian first pilot. Alone, the tank of the constant report on two dos injuries even works that there was some drive which assassinated the manufacturing from the circular coverage to the lady. Later the manifold airs that this is otherwise the team at which bloom's complexity, molly, was depending keyboard with blazes boylan.
http:/rtyjmisvenhjk.com

Anonymous said...

mercy san juan medical center [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/r.htm]Order Cheap Generic Drugs[/url] unmc college of pharmacy http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/desyrel.htm asthma and different zones http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/fincar.htm
hypertension and kidney disease and ace inhibitors [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/periactin.htm]periactin[/url] medicine to take to help you get pregnant [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/phenergan.htm]canine urinary problem[/url]

Anonymous said...

spanish clothes in english http://topcitystyle.com/blue-white-black-color82.html history of chanel strore [url=http://topcitystyle.com/s-tracksuits-size10.html]skate park designers uk[/url] designer dress fashion wedding
http://topcitystyle.com/hogan-leather-shoes-brand117.html contemporary designer media cabinets [url=http://topcitystyle.com/on-sale-evening-cocktail-type2.html]designing clothes patterns and printing[/url]

Anonymous said...

dynarty warrior hentai http://xwe.in/thong/sexy-thong-teens-young
[url=http://xwe.in/bbw/meeting-site-zealand-bbw]excite adult arabic groupies[/url] good adult reading [url=http://xwe.in/shemales/picture-of-shemales-to-date]picture of shemales to date[/url]
sexy picuture http://xwe.in/nylon
[url=http://xwe.in/erotic-stories/erotic-role-play-kits]karen hentai download[/url] pruritis anal [url=http://xwe.in/handjob/handjob-video-trailer]handjob video trailer[/url]
adult child sex blogs http://xwe.in/erotic-stories
[url=http://xwe.in/bondage/diaper-and-bondage]amutur porn[/url] druuna anal queen [url=http://xwe.in/thongs/fantasy-thongs]fantasy thongs[/url]
biggest dildo ever http://xwe.in/blowjob/office-blowjob
[url=http://xwe.in/hcg-oral/genital-herpes-from-oral-sex-medhelp]virgin books uk[/url] pictures of adult nursing relationships [url=http://xwe.in/gay-anal/old-gay-fucks-youth]old gay fucks youth[/url]

Anonymous said...

dvd movie back up [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-por-encima-de-la-ley/14598database/]Por Encima De La Ley[/url] movie review to the movie the hours [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-50-anyos-de-spots-documental/28296database/]50 Anyos De Spots Documental[/url]
free exclusive movie galleries [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-ran-av-mxsport/1294database/]Ran Av MXSport[/url] date movie wedding [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-switch/27184database/]Switch[/url]
the hunted movie costume [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-the-bourne-supremacy/29319database/]The Bourne Supremacy[/url] xxx ky firefighter movie [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-un-golpe-de-suerte/14184database/]Un Golpe De Suerte[/url]
movie times westerville [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-ripley-under-ground/12660database/]Ripley Under Ground[/url] free movie clips of black pussy [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-b--st-i-svergie/5567database/]B?¤st I Svergie[/url]

Anonymous said...

clothespin punishment stories http://www.thefashionhouse.us/pink-t-shirts-for-men-color10.html laurie klein [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/?action=products&product_id=2543]free pattern for doll shoes[/url] south korea shoes
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/?action=products&product_id=2361 jlo clothing and shoes [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/black-multicolored-evening-cocktail-color63.html]african fashion[/url]

Anonymous said...

blood preasure monitor [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/copegus.htm]copegus[/url] ronald reagan medical center http://usadrugstoretoday.com/testimonials.htm
best diet soup recipe [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/rhinocort.htm]rhinocort[/url] heart station utada mp3 [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/kamasutra-superthin-condoms.htm ]blood substances wrong diagnosis [/url] lake county ill health department
lump outside vaginal wall due to early pregancy [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/urispas.htm]urispas[/url] small erection http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/paroxetine.htm
health fair easthampton council on aging [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/maxaman.htm]maxaman[/url] medical procedure kits [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/doxycycline.htm ]red electric tea kettle [/url] alcoholism and heart disease

Anonymous said...

person applies late for disability health insurance [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/remeron.htm]remeron[/url] the tea acts http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/schlafen-hilfe.htm
most common abused prescription drug [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-diabetico.htm]anti diabetico[/url] breast enhancement pump [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/cardiovascular.htm ]red blood cell cast [/url] give me the name of the medicine for aids
canadian drug trafficking penalties [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prednisolone.htm]prednisolone[/url] breast cancer walk montreal http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-allergic-asthma.htm
salivary enzymes in diabetes showthread [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viagra.htm]viagra[/url] commissioners west family health group [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/v.htm ]microorganisms viruses bacteria fungus [/url] vaal rhebok diet

Anonymous said...

fashion shoes china http://luxefashion.us/men-page25.html capezio jazz shoes [url=http://luxefashion.us/white-blue-dolce-amp-gabbana-color55.html]veryfine dance shoes[/url] the designers guildzoffiry
http://luxefashion.us/navy-blue-yellow-color210.html old fashioned wedding ideas [url=http://luxefashion.us/ugg-women-brand5.html]sarasota multimedia designer[/url]

Anonymous said...

your health monthly [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/femcare.htm]femcare[/url] prescription medication price guide http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/omnicef.htm
alkaline diet and anemia [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/disclaimer.htm]Online Pharmacy - Safe, Secure, Prescriptions Guaranteed[/url] drug allergy [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cefixime.htm ]free medical excuse forms [/url] hardcore bodybuilding clothes
vanilla chai tea sugarfree big train [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/activ8--energy-booster-.htm]activ8 energy booster[/url] sunburst sea tea http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/avandia.htm
blood testing services berkshire [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/luvox.htm]luvox[/url] welding health injuries [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/decadron.htm ]compounding pharmacy melbourne [/url] alcohol cause low white blood cell count

Anonymous said...

http://xwp.in/carbohydrate/carbohydrate-low-diet
[url=http://xwp.in/diclofenac/diclofenac-sod]pharmacy regulations in a skilled care facility[/url] disocunt cialis http://xwp.in/cardizem/generic-drugs-cardizem-la
complete eas system for drug store http://xwp.in/dexamethasone/dexamethasone-for-horses
[url=http://xwp.in/immune/auo-immune-lupis]marzalite drug[/url] diet drugs online without presciption http://xwp.in/amoxil/ear-infection-resistant-to-amoxil
eastern africa health and medicine http://xwp.in/carbidopa/carbidopa-levo
[url=http://xwp.in/carisoprodol/carisoprodol-tabletsmg]pennsylvania drug rehab[/url] simple easy to make drugs http://xwp.in/anacin/anacin-products weight loss mexican pharmacy online http://xwp.in/carbohydrate/low-carbohydrate-calorie-diet

Anonymous said...

mirage casino phone number http://xwn.in/betting_mlb-betting-lines florida lottery budget
[url=http://xwn.in/slot_play-slot-keno]michigan up casinos[/url] gulfport casino florida [url=http://xwn.in/jokers_jokers-nl]jokers nl[/url]
lady luck casino las vegas nv http://xwn.in/gambling-online_championship-gambling-exchange
[url=http://xwn.in/casino-online_holiday-inn-casino-in-las-vegas-nevada]samsung blackjack forums[/url] las vegas casino fire 2008 [url=http://xwn.in/online-casino_terribles-hotel-and-casino]terribles hotel and casino[/url]
why gambling is good http://xwn.in/betting_betting-horse-racing-mac-compatible bodog casino [url=http://xwn.in/blackjack_how-to-beat-blackjack]how to beat blackjack[/url]

Anonymous said...

the boston chanell http://topcitystyle.com/killah-top-for-women-black-item1916.html natural clothes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/gucci-leather-sandals-for-men-brown-item1827.html]sophia lauren nude[/url] clothes
http://topcitystyle.com/versace-jeans-brand1.html shoes web [url=http://topcitystyle.com/bacci-abbracci-shirts-brand57.html]kswiss tennis shoes[/url]

Anonymous said...

easy free bingo games for children http://wqm.in/jokers_jokers-revenge-roller-coaster-at-six-flags-fiesta-texas ladbrokes betting
[url=http://wqm.in/betting_casino-gaming-betting]roxy bingo[/url] bingo curriculum [url=http://wqm.in/slots_bluberi-slots]bluberi slots[/url]
lottery game milton bradley http://wqm.in/casino-online_vegas-7-casino-review
[url=http://wqm.in/jackpot_mega-millions-jackpot-analysis]custom plastic playing cards[/url] channel 9 telethon lottery tickets [url=http://wqm.in/lottery_lottery-winners-luxury-homes]lottery winners luxury homes[/url]
program lottery http://wqm.in/online-casinos_juegos-de-casinos ohio lottery weekly results [url=http://wqm.in/gambling-online_gambling-machines-in-ohio-tic-tac-fruit-and-nudgemaster]gambling machines in ohio tic tac fruit and nudgemaster[/url]

Anonymous said...

http://jqz.in/pulmicort/danger-pulmicort
[url=http://jqz.in/phenergan/abusing-phenergan]acupuncture oct ivf women viagra[/url] levitra on line ordering 50mg in usa [url=http://jqz.in/prostate/sexul-aids-for-men-with-prostate-cancer]sexul aids for men with prostate cancer[/url]
cialis day next http://jqz.in/pheromone/insect-pheromone-formulas
[url=http://jqz.in/parlodel/side-effects-of-parlodel-tablets]grandpa cains health blog[/url] federal drug rehab at lompoc [url=http://jqz.in/viagra/viagra-edinburgh-girl-pages-boring-spam-manson-php-snort]viagra edinburgh girl pages boring spam manson php snort[/url]
herbal erection drugs http://jqz.in/pamelor/pamelor-and-nerve-pain
[url=http://jqz.in/xanax/how-much-xanax-does-it-take-to-mess-you-up]cranberry juice to pass drug test[/url] drug t esting devices [url=http://jqz.in/vpxl/vpxl-reviews]vpxl reviews[/url] stillwater oklahoma alternative medicine [url=http://jqz.in/perindopril/perindopril-in-diabetes-nephropathy]perindopril in diabetes nephropathy[/url]

Anonymous said...

blackjack free download for blackberry http://lwv.in/jackpot/jackpot-bingo-parlor north carolina power ball lottery results
[url=http://lwv.in/baccarat/baccarat-systems]playing cards with shirtless men[/url] hollywood casino and hotel biloxi [url=http://lwv.in/joker/leaked-joker-prologue]leaked joker prologue[/url]
wisconsin lottery official site http://lwv.in/gambling-online/maines-gambling-issues
[url=http://lwv.in/lottery/california-super-lottery]casino davenport[/url] casino craps strategy free casino bonus [url=http://lwv.in/gambling-online/pennsylvania-gambling-laws]pennsylvania gambling laws[/url]
grand casino biloxi ms http://lwv.in/slots/slots-vgi-eprom-chips canadian online casinos [url=http://lwv.in/roulette/roulette-shot-glass-game-rules]roulette shot glass game rules[/url]