So I've been thinking a lot about my New Years Resolutions. Don't roll your eyes, I'm sure it crosses everyones mind at least ONCE.
Anyway, I was thinking about all these things I felt I shoud DO...... work out more, eat better, be more organized, do my laundry more often (I loathe laundry), start waking up at least an hour before my earliest riser (Dylan, crack of dawn). These are all things I really do want to do, but I started feeling overwhelmed with my "TO-DO" list for the New Year. I was already starting the year off BEHIND and OVERWHELMED, and it's not even the first yet! I was sabotaging my plans of "being a better me" by thinking of everything I should DO in the new year. I already felt I had failed b/c it was all just too much to DO. y/k?
So, I have a new New Years Resolution. To do less. I know, it sounds opposite of what my original plan was, but really, it help me achieve those goals for myself I think. I spend a great amount of time online (mornings mostly), talking on the phone (all day), and watching tv (late at night). I also spend a lot of time worrying. I realized that these things take up a LOT of my time. Time that could be spent preparing better meals, excercising, actually doing laundry on a regular basis, organizing my closets..... everything I WANT to do, but don't have time for. I think that is why it felt overwhelming to think about....b/c I already feel like I don't have a lot of time. So, by doing less, I hope that I will just naturally do all those things I want to do. If not, no biggie, it will still give me more TIME.
Doing less of those things that suck the life out of my brain and my time. I want to give my kids more time too, and I don't want to spend that time staring at a screen or talking into a phone, or worrying about the countless things I worry about. So that is my resolution this year, to do LESS. I hope it works.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
So I've been thinking a lot about my New Years Resolutions. Don't roll your eyes, I'm sure it crosses everyones mind at least ONCE.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
*copied and pasted from my myspace blog yesterday*
10:20 PM - Brat Attack! Current mood: tired
Okay so maybe calling it a brat attack is a little harsh.....
Today I took Dylan and Mckenna to their first birthday party with their "friends" from their preschool class, all 5 of them, not including Dylan and Mckenna. I was the only parent to hang back and stick around. Seriously, WHO leaves their 3 and 4 year old kids with total strangers? And no, all of these parents DON'T know eachother. They just know that their kids go to preschool together. I was not comfortable leaving my kids at someone's house that I did not know. So, I hung around. Good thing too b/c Dylan was NOT having it..... it took him about 45 minutes to melt off of me, and then it was only for cake. Mckenna on the other hand was gone the minute we walked through the front door! LOL She is such a busy little social butterfly! The party consisted of 4 girls and 2 boys so the main theme of afternoon was princesses and dolls. Not much to participate in for the boys except tossing balloons around, which Dylan was more than happy to do.
When it was time for cake all the kids were sitting around the table and the parents were in the kitchen getting the cake ready. I was sitting in a chair off to the side. The little girl whose bday it was has a 10 year old brother and he had two friends over. She started calling her brother a STUPID POO POO FACE and laughing and before I knew every other kid (besides my two) was doing the same thing. I was relieved that mine weren't following suite. The dad came in with a video camera and was taping all of the kids saying STUPID POO POO FACE and he was actually LAUGHING. I was not happy. I also felt uncomfortable b/c I wanted them to stop b/c I KNEW it was just a matter of time before Dylan and Mckenna would feel pressure to join in. I didn't feel it was my place to discipline the other kids though and that the parents of the bday girl should have put a stop to it.
Just as I had expected I heard Dylan say "POO POO FACE!" and I immediately snapped "DYLAN." and looked at him and shook my head with my most serious face. Next was Mckenna, to which I did the same thing. Both of them just sat there with these stone cold looks on their faces. The other kids were all laughing and STILL saying it. They thought it was hilarious. Dylan and Mckenna both tried it ONE more time and I finally said "we don't talk like that OR call names, UNDERSTAND?" and I never heard another POO POO out of either one of them. I felt bad for them though, they were totally under the peer pressure sitting at that table and were probably a little embarrassed that I called them on it right there, but I just did NOT want my kiddos behaving like that. I was slightly disappointed that they did, but at the same time not surprised....they are learning still.
The little girl that this party was for was SO SELFISH too. No one could play with ANYTHING at all and her grandma and mom just sat there watching her boss everyone around and take toys from them while saying "no, you can't have that." She said it to Mckenna when Mckenna picked up a doll to play with and Mckenna of course got upset and I made a point to say in front of the grandma "Mckenna honey, if she doesn't want you to play with her special toy then I guess she needs to put it away where it can't be played with, and I want you to remember not to be selfish honey (hint hint to the bday girl)." I was SO IRRITATED.
Needless to say, it was QUITE an experience for sure. I left there thinking "oh my gosh, these two are MUCH BETTER behaved than the kids in their class. I am so surprised at how well behaved they were compared to the other kids!" I really think somedays that I must have kids that are tyrants b/c I see them ALL the time and at their worst and I worry that they show their "tantrum" side when I can't see them all the time. Well I was pleasantly surprised today. I called my mom and said "Dylan and Mckenna are FAR better behaved than the kids they go to school with" and she told me that their teacher (a close friend of my moms) tells her that all the time..... they are the youngest kids in their class, and the best behaved. I was one proud mama today, that's for sure.
Note to self: never let them attend a bday party alone!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
So I think I've given up on the whole blog thing lately. Seriously I am just TOO busy and I tend to get sucked in when I am online so I try not to get on too much anymore. When I can manage to get on it's so late and I can't think straight enough to blog. Plus I think "what would I write about? Pooping, peeing, nursing, spit up, cleaning, errands....." the list goes on and on of boring day to day stuff. There has been some cute exciting stuff though.
Owen rolled over on his FOUR MONTH bday. That was exciting. He instantly flips over to his belly when we lay him on his back. He is so cute too the way he just looks up and around at everything. We went to Jake's Recruiters Annual around the middle of the month. That was actually a LOT of fun. I am so glad I ended up going with him for sure. Up until the night before it was still not for sure that I was going. I am glad it worked out though. We had a nice time together. My sister came back from Utah after only a month there. Not sure what the story really is there but I think she is back to stay. I am glad to see my nieces though so that is good! I was sad about the thought of not really knowing baby Naomi so I am glad to get to see her. Dylan is just over the moon that McKenna is here. They are so close it just breaks my heart to think of how sad he will be when we move. To be honest though, I am glad that now McKenna has a little sister to be buddies with b/c before when they were gone (the last time) she didn't really have a buddy but now she will, and Dylan has Aidan and soon Owen will be joining in on the fun. That kid is growing like a WEED! He is just SO cute and full of smiles. I don't think I have had a baby that smiles so much. Aidan hardly ever smiled as a baby and Dylan did smile a lot, but he fussed a lot too. Owen just smiles all the time. He is sleeping better too. My mom weened him off of the paci while we were gone that week and ironically he sleeps a LOT better without it. I am glad. I wouldn't have been strong enough to ween him off of it. Also I am giving him ONE, just ONE, formula bottle at night. It was very hard the first time I gave it to him b/c I felt AWFUL but he sleeps so much better at night after that bottle and I am desperate for more than two hours of sleep at a time. My mom said that she did that with him when she had him and he slept really good so I thought I'd give it a try. Turns out it's working. With Dylan I let him have a bottle every so often b/c I didn't pump much with him so when he was with my mom or someone else they'd just give him formula and it never bothered me. Aidan on the other hand only had ONE formula bottle his entire "nursing" period and that was when he had "hand, foot, mouth disease" and went on a nursing strike. After that one bottle I felt devestated so I pumped. I was a bit nazi about it. I am trying to find a happy medium here. I feel okay about it too, especially since I have every intention of nursing this one as long as possible. I am hoping two years. Aidan went for 15 months so that was nice. :D
We got out tree up today. YES we have a fake tree. YOU try having two boys who wrestle and play like crazy and a baby that puts everything in his mouth..... we would have a floor full of needles and a naked tree if we did a real one this year. Our first "fake" year was last year. I was just TIRED of dealing with the needles falling from the boys touching the tree all the time and worrying about the needles getting eaten. I LOVE having a fake tree though. I thought I would not like it so much but I do like it. I look at it like this....... being a military family we will never really have more than a few Christmases in the same house. We can't go to the SAME tree farm every year, we can't put decorations in the SAME place every year, we can't decorate outside the SAME every year. There are few things that can be a constant and if a fake tree is one of those it actually gives me a sense of comfort, if that makes any sense. A friend of mine told me once that it always bugged her that nothing could be "traditionally done" b/c you are always moving so she had certain things she ALWAYS did or put up and her kids loved that some of those things were always the same. So, our tree will always be the same, and I like that now. I said when we bought it I would only do a fake tree while the kids were little and until they are old enough to want a real one I think that is how it is going to be. Right now I like the idea of something staying the same.
Jake put up our outside lights on Thanksgiving. I love being the first house on the street with our lights up. :D He did a good job. The boys LOVE it! Dylan is so funny and has such a good memory too! He said "WHY did Daddy put a wreath on the garage? We did NOT have one on there LAST year!" HA! He is right too...we didn't! Another sort of funny thing he is saying....when Aidan is jabbering at him Dylan says "Okay Aidan, that's enough, I have told you a HUNDRED times already!" heehee And today when Aidan was telling Dylan about something Dylan said "Aidan you have told me that a HUNDRED times, you can stop now!" AH HA HA! Gee, I wonder where he heard THAT from?
Aidan is a little copy cat too..... EVERYTHING Dylan says he says. Like just now Dylan was calling for me in his bed and I said "what do you want" and he said "I have to go poop" so I let him up to do that. When I took him back to bed Aidan was standing up in his crib and said "I have to go poops too!" heehee Silly kid. He so badly wants to be JUST like Dylan.
Tonight I think Jake and I are going to drag out the decorations for the inside of the house. We are going to do the tree decorations tomorrow night. Jake is going on 12's this week until further notice (all of them are) so really this will be our only time to really do a full days worth of stuff for a long time. And I don't want a bare tree up for over a week before we decorate it and I would love his help doing the house too. So, we will welcome December with a fully decked house, inside and out.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
11:00 PM - What kid doesn’t want to dress up for Halloween?! Current mood: blank
My kid apparently! Dylan has been so difficult this year when it comes to his Halloween costume. At first he wanted to be a pirate. For WEEKS he said he wanted to be a pirate. So, I got him a pirate costume. Didn't fit. It got stuck on his head and he freaked! I returned it and tried to get him to pick out a different costume and he wanted none of it. He said he wasn't going to dress up for Halloween this year. I think he was doing it just to irritate me. I found a cool fireman outfit and said "Hey Dil, you could be a fireman!" and he said "but MOM I already have that at home. My rain jacket!" His rain coat looks like a fireman coat so he said he would just wear that. Still trying to get him to get on board with a costume I said "But this one has a cool yellow fireman hat!" and he said "but MOM I have one of THOSE too! I'll just wear that." True, he does have a yellow contsruction "hard hat." I guess he's an economical three year old. My mom, trying to change his mind about a costume too, said "Dylan, Carson is going to be an elephant, are you sure you don't want to dress up in costume?" and then he said "YEAH! I want to be an ELEPHANT!" I just shot my mom this look like "thanks a lot" and she started laughing and took off down the isle. That would all be great except that they didn't HAVE any elephants. We walked through walmart with him crying for an elephant. Later that day my mom remembered she had an elephant costume Weston had worn last year so she brought it over, but by that time he didn't want to be an elephant anymore either! This kid is KILLING ME!
Anyway, that was a few weeks ago. I have held onto the elephant costume with high hopes that he would change his mind. Nope. Now he wants to be a frog. Well now it is too late to find a good costume anywhere, especially a frog. I tell him he can't be a frog b/c he waited too late to pick something (he only picked this like a week ago) so now he is back to "I don't want to be ANYFING FOR HALLOWEEN!" Greeeeeeeeeeeat.
So tonight I say "are you SURE you don't want try on the elephant costume?" and he says "no I will just be Thomas." He was Thomas the Train last year and we still have the costume so I guess he has decided he will be a repeat this year. Good grief. Who knows what he will actually be when it comes right down to it. We still have about 20 hours to go until he has to be in an actual costume.
Aidan on the other hand is going to be the cutest clown you have ever seen! I had bought him a giraffe costume last year when they went on sale after Halloween but it doesn't fit him like I hoped it would. Plus he was very scared of the giraffes head being above his head. He kept looking up at the nose and going cross eyed!
Owen will be.....nothing. Alert the bad mom media.... I'm not dressing up my baby. I had some baby Halloween outfits but I gave them to Teresa when Kambrie was a baby b/c I thought we were done having kids. I had actually forgotten about them until just the other day. Oh well, he would just spit up all over it anyway.
Monday, October 29, 2007
12:25 AM - How does this blog thing work again? It’s been so long.... Current mood: tired
I feel like a newbie blogger all over again. Where do I begin? What do I say? Will anyone even READ this word vomit?
The funny thing about blogging is that you tend to think in "blog" even when you aren't currently blogging. It has been driving me NUTS to be blogging in my mind and have no time or access to spit it all out. Now that I am here I am blank. BLANK I tell you blank! How is this possible??? I'll just be sproradic in my thoughts tonight I guess.... although, how is this any different than a normal day? I KNOW you were totally thinking that.
Some things have been going through my mind....
The California fires....oh.my.word. Can I just say that I sat there watching and thinking about all of those people and all of that stuff that they lost, irreplaceable stuff, and I was just so overwhelmed. All I could think about was my kids. What would I do if I was all alone and something like that happened? How would I get my kids out? What would I do? I have too many kids... KIDDING! I just don't have enough arms. I need one more. That would be sweet. Or creepy. Anyway, watching all of that footage just made me feel so grateful for everything we have. When we got married we literally had NOTHING. Not even a bed. Jake had to go buy our first bed before I moved to Missouri. Note to self, never let Jake buy a bed w/o me there. I swear he bought a piece of concrete slab. I hated that bed. I love my bed now though. California King baby! Oh yeah. It's funny the things you think about when you are watching someone else's tradgedy. I just sat and looked around my house, looked at my kids while they were sleeping, looked at Jake picking his nose (KIDDING!) and just was overwhelmed with how blessed we have been and how lucky we are to even be where we are today. Not that things are perfect, oh my word no. In fact, I am sure I could find MORE to complain about than to be happy about, but seeing all of those burned down houses really put things in perpsective for me. I have been lacking perspective lately.
Having Three Boys.... what did I get myself into? AH HA HA! SERIOUSLY! I watch Dylan and Aidan wrestling and I just cringe at the anticipation I feel waiting to hear a bone snap or a see an eye roll across the floor! I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day while watching them attempt to kill each other and I said "Oh my gosh mom all they do is wrestle and beat the crap out of each other! It makes me nervous!" and she said "Brandy! You have BOYS! You'd better get used to it!" I said "I know, but it makes me so nervous!" What's new? Something makes me nervous. Alert the media. I just think about Owen in another year and a half or so and wonder if he'll survive the other two! Poor little fella! But really truly, I look at my three boys lately and I am just overwhelmed with how much I love them. I told Jake that I look at them and just want to cry b/c I want to hold them forever and never let them go ever. They grow so fast.
My meds..... okay so remember that blog "Oh blah dee oh blah daa life goes on..." and how I was talking about being depressed and all that jazz? Well I did call my doctor and I did get in with a therapist and I did get on meds. It was the toughest decision I think I have ever made. Seriously. I was very torn over it. I cried a lot of tears deciding if I should do this. I even sat in my OB's office and cried to her. I cried to my pediatrician. I cried to my lactation consultant. Seriously, I cried a lot. I finally decided that I was tired of being tired and tired of being SAD all the time. Let's just say it does get darkest before the dawn and in hindsight I see that a lot of things really did happen for a reason. Two of those things being the fact that we are not moving right now. I NEVER would have broke down and called my doctor had we gotten our orders. I just wouldn't have. I was putting all my hope in moving, and that was wrong. Another thing was my computer. I think that if I had had access to my computer during all of this I wouldn't have given myself the chance I needed to realign my life and priorities. I was spending way too much time online. It was my numbing drug I think. Honestly, it let me get lost when I couldn't cope with anything else. Now that I have been on them for a while and they have kicked in, I can COMPLETELY tell the difference. I am happier. I am not a snapping at everyone around me. I can cope with a less than perfect house. Not that it doesn't bother me still, but I can handle it a lot better. I don't cringe when I hear my kids being kids. I don't dread the next day. I don't want to cry just because I woke up and am dreading the day. Now I wake up and think, "where do I start? what do I need to do?" and it doesn't overwhelm me most days like it did before. I feel normal again. As normal as I can be. har har! heehee I still have a long way to go, and I'm continuing therapy for that, and charting my moods and days, but I am thinking more clearly and the fog is lifting. I am so grateful for that right now.
My mom and Bob.... they are getting a divorce and really I am surprised at how this is affecting me. I really am sad about this. I hadn't been letting myself think about it before b/c really I don't think I could emotionally handle it before, but now, I've been thinking about it and I don't like it. It makes me sad. Already I find myself not liking whoever my mom would choose to date after the divorce. How "ten years old" is that?! I am sad to think about the house that I basically grew up in not being there anymore for me to call "home." Even though Bob and I aren't "tight" I did find comfort in seeing him around the house and just knowing that he was there. I didn't always agree with him or even completely enjoy him all the time, in fact we disagreed a lot, but I still just always felt like he would always be around. It never really occured to me that he could NOT be there one day. I know my mom is unhappy, and I want her to be happy, I just wish it didn't have to be this way. And then, in thinking that, I feel like I'm not being loyal to her or something, and I want to be loyal to my mom and support her, but I just feel torn. Like I am betraying her by saying that I will miss Bob or even that I wish she wasn't divorcing him.
Jake's stupid Annual Banquet coming up...... seriously I am not really looking forward to this thing. I am however looking forward to three nights away with my husband and NO kids! This is our yearly "get away" and as much as I don't like faking a friendly face for a bunch of people that I would love to scream at, I will do just about anything to hang with Jake for a few days minus the kids. We are so good when it's just us and no kids. I miss those days in Missouri when it was just us hanging out all the time. I love when we get a piece of that back..... like on our date nights or our little trips like this. We do this trip and one for our anniversary, but that has only been since we moved back here. I hope it's something we can keep up after we move (if we ever move!) The one thing I really am looking forward to though is wearing my dress. This dress is AMAZING! I love it. It is gorgeous! And my goal is for NO ONE to guess that had a baby since last years annual, since last year I was hecka skinny and everyone commented on it (b/c the year before that I was 9 months pregnant!). I love when Jake is proud and that is my goal for him. That is one thing I remember reading in "For Women Only" that husbands really are proud when their wives try to look nice for them and how sometimes other men will see a guys wife and think either "WOW he's lucky, she takes care of herself (by trying to look nice)" or they think "poor guy" and I will not have people say "poor guy!" Although, I have not been excercising really at all and that is baaaad. I have hit a wall with this weight loss and it's clear to me that I am not going to lose anymore unless I kick it up a notch. I guess I should use that elliptical I bought huh?
Okay I think that is enough for tonight. Good grief it's late and Owen is awake again to eat.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
ooooooh la la la la life goes on. (Sorry I had to.)
Anyway, I came here for serious reasons and I now I have that song stuck in my head. So I guess I'll get a few other things out of my head so I can concentrate on why I'm here at all.
I hate ants. They are evil. They have devoured my kitchen. I believe there are ants in hell....it's part of the package.
I hate it when there are people missing from a party, especially if they have implied they are coming.... now I am left with party favors and balloons I don't know what to do with. ugh. (however my sisters shower was still pretty sweeeeeet. hehe)
I hate a messy house, and mine is half messy....really. The kitchen (besides the ants), the bathroom, the living room, and dining area (so not a room) is clean..... however all the bedrooms and our bathroom are a mess. blah. And you may be asking "how do you have ants if your kitchen is clean?" I have no idea. They are coming from UNDER the fridge. Great. Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow. Last night they were coming from under the stove so I pulled that out and vacuumed and mopped the floor under the stove. That was fun. *SNIDE*
Did I mention I hate ants??
Okay I think that was everything that is grating on me at the moment.
So I made a call on, ummm.... Thursday I think? to my OB and told her that I basically lied on Monday at my 6 week check up. I am slightly depressed, but not in a horribly negative way. I know, that sounds stupid. I think it's more anxiety than anything. Sometimes uncontrollable anxiety. Sometimes edginess (shaking, jitters). Sometimes downright SADNESS for no reason at all. I KNOW it's the hormones, what else would it be?I have just been fighting this. I told her it's not like it was when I was pg with Owen....that was pure evil anger. This is just SAD. Really. I was crying on the stinking phone talking to her about it b/c I was mad that I lied and didn't just take care of this on Monday. Before I talked to her I did some research online about antidepressants while nursing. EVERYTHING said "the benefits of nursing and the mother's wellbeing far outweigh the risks to the baby" and I just don't think I buy that load. I can't wrap my brain around ANY reason to subject my baby to drugs that will have some not so great effects on him. The one she wants to put me on she said is recommended for nursing b/c it ONLY will cause sleepiness, less frequent nursing, and weight loss in my baby. ONLY. Oh well in THAT case where do I sign up to make my baby stop eating, start sleeping, and lose weight?!?! He's looking a bit chunky, it's time to put him on a CELEXA diet. ugh. I just cannot justify it in my brain right now. It breaks my heart. :( I told her all of my worries and how I would feel horrible guilt for any side effects to him. She suggested I talk to their counselor about it and together (all three of us) can determine if that is a good option for me or not. I'm not sure. I just wish I could do this on my own.
Funny thing is though.... that yesterday and today I actually got my butt up and DID stuff.... like showered and was busy all day long.....and I feel pretty good. I'm tired, but I'm not weepy and I'm not edgy. BUT, yesterday I didn't have any of the kids with me all day (shower prepping) and today was a whirlwind that ended with a big party. My appt with the counselor is on Thursday and with my doctor on Friday. My goal this week is to try to get up and get ready for the day and be busy everyday....whether it's busy at home, or elsewhere, but just be DOING something instead of sitting on my arse. I need to have a goal for the day. I am hoping that that will make a difference. I don't know. I could just be kidding myself.
I do know that at the end of the day the yucky feelings, the "not right with myself" feelings are still lingering there. I hate hormones.
The counselor I have seen off and on for 2 years now and just got done seeing again (Jake and I just went a few times together) was telling me that I have my feelings of worth wrapped up in how well I keep my house clean, how good of a wife/mom/daughter/friend I am.... and that that's not right. I don't agree.I was kind of frustrated the last time I talked to her b/c she thinks that I need to let everything go and not worry about it. Easier said than done. And so what if my feelings of worth ARE wrapped up in those things.....those are the things I want to be good at. The things I WANT to do well in my life. I may have grown up saying I wanted to DO something "when I was all grown up" but always in my mind I had a picture of what I wanted to BE. And a (semi) perfect SAHM was always what I pictured. Am I holding myself up to a standard that is too high? Is what I always pictured unattainable? Unattainable w/o drugs to keep me "level?" I don't know. I don't have the answers I want and need right now and that is frustrating to me.
It's funny b/c I just finished reading this book called "When Joy came to stay" by Karen Kingsbury and it's about a women who is severly depressed b/c she gave up a baby years ago before she was married and never told her husband about it. Now granted, I can't relate to that situation, but I could relate to her feelings of hopelessness and the overwhelming feeling that the world was sitting on your chest....not your shoulders, your chest. Anyway, in the book she said she thought that "good christians" didn't need a PILL to make them better. Then the person she was talking to said "some people think that these PILLS are God's answer to prayer, to help you out of the fog." I started thinking about that......and I'm still not sure where I stand. I'm kind of on the fence about that right now. It's just funny how I read that book this week while I was coming to terms with a lot of my own stuff. Actually I finished it this week, I've been reading it for a few.
The deciding factor for me in ADMITTING that I don't feel right was the not moving. I kept holding out hope that I would be fine after we moved. My mom kept saying "after you move it will only get worse b/c you won't be around family to help you out." True. But also not true. It is stressful to be around family too. Not that I don't love them, but it just is....for a lot of reasons, good and bad. Plus, and I know this sounds selfish, but Jake and I grew to love our time in MO "alone." Granted it was hard sometimes and we missed our family. I was just hoping that things would change and be easier once Jake was working his regular job again and actually had TIME to spend with us. When that hope of moving was taken away from me this week I was more upset about the thought that now I would stay in this "fog" longer. THEN I realized that this fog won't lift just from a move, and even it did, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon and I needed to take care of it. That is when I knew I had to call my doctor. I really felt like I saw no end in sight of this and it was overwhelming for me. My friend Sabrina from Link Group told me today that she was worried about me b/c the last time she saw me she was concerned that I just didn't look right. She was right in her assumption. It was one of "those" nights and I just couldn't put a fake smile on my face to save my life.
I am good at faking it most of the time, really. I've become really good at it actually. Tammy wrote a blog yesterday that caused me to think about this a little bit(I would link you to it but I don't know how to do that yet...I know, LAME). I need to stop faking it.....the problem is that I kind of do get a boost out of "going through the happiness motions." Kind of the "Fake it till ya make it" philosophy. It does work to a degree.... but as soon as you walk away from that situation where you're faking it, you crash even harder....b/c you know.
Sooo, my goal this week is to give some sort of structure to my day and see if that helps me remain focused and not let my mind wander. I don't know what to do when the edginess and jitters pop up (and NO I don't have a daily caffeine intake.... the most I will maybe have is one cup of coffee 2-3 days a week....and believe it or not, the coffee calms me more than anything.) My friend Mary told me that when I get the overwhelming feelings of sadness I need to just stop and PRAY. That is my other goal.
*YAWN* This was a looooong post. Sorry. ;-)
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I was on this financial website today and it had an article with these quotes. Somehow they pertained to finances, I guess I should have read the paragraphs after them? ;-)
Anyway, I found these to be good quotes worth saving. :D
When you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it--this is knowledge.--Confucius
He that is overcautious will accomplish little.--Friedrich von Schiller
It is the part of a wise man to keep himself today for tomorrow and not to venture all his eggs in one basket.--Miguel de Cervantes
For age and want, save while you may; no morning sun lasts a whole day.--Benjamin Franklin
It never was my thinking that made the big money for me. It was always my sitting. Got that? My sitting tight!--Edwin Lefevre
Fashion is made to become unfashionable.--Coco Chanel
The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.--St. Augustine
There is nothing new in the world except the history you do not know.--Harry Truman
It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. --Eleanor Roosevelt
As life closes in on someone who has borrowed far too much money on the strength of far too little income, there are no fire escapes. --John Kenneth Galbraith
In every house of marriage there's room for an interpreter.--Stanley Kunitz
Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. --Pablo Picasso
The time is always right to do the right thing.--Martin Luther King Jr.
A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. --Jonathan Swift
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
My friend Cheryl (http://www.cdntransplant1997.wordpress.com/) tagged me on her blog so here goes.......
Okay here are the rules:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
N- Nice....to a fault. I definately fall into the "people pleaser" category.
I- Inconsistant. I am very much a "bouncing off the walls" kind of person. A bit scattered. ;o)
C- Caring. I truly care and worry about EVERYONE I know.
O- Overweight....ah ha ha!!! I just had a baby, of course I am! (I really couldn't think of anything else here. heehee)
L- Loyal. If I consider you a good friend then you are a friend for life.
E- Extrovert. Totally. I NEED to be around people for me to feel "right" and like myself. Otherwise I get a bit depressed.
Okay there ya go. Not sure those are so special or interesting, but there it is!
Okay I will tag....
There ya go! ENJOY! heehee
12:08 AM - Soooooooo Angryyyyyyyyyy Current mood: disappointed
Jake just called. He had a conference call this morning. We thought it would be good news. It's not.
We aren't moving anytime soon. Since February they have been telling us we are moving. At first it was July, then it was Septemeber, then it was December, then it was back to October, then it was "any day now," and now today they tell us if we're LUCKY we'll get orders MAYBE in November and then not move until sometime between February and April....if we're lucky. I'm thinking we're not.
I am so angry right now. I want to scream and puke and cry and pull my hair out all at the same time. My gut reaction was "WHY GOD would you do this? We have prayed and prayed about moving and asking you to move where it would be best for us and then you go and keep us here. WHY?!" and then I realized that maybe He is keeping us here for a reason, a reason I can't possibly understand or imagine right now. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I am. I know I should trust God that this is right for us right now, and while I do, I just don't understand it. God knows how hard this has been for us, how hard it's been on our marriage, and yet here we stay. Please God let me see the bigger picture here and be okay with this.
"I know it is right in the sight of my God but my heart is dying to differ"
I wrote that in a poem FOREVER ago, in highschool sometime. I never thougt it would apply now.
This has to be okay. I have to get a grip and realize we are not leaving anytime soon and just move on. I feel like I need a mourning period or something. :P
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Saturday night we went to the races with Mom. We took Dylan and Aidan and left Owen with my grandma. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn't hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don't want the boys to not be protected. The races were sort of stressful for me b/c the kids would NOT sit down. I think I watched MAYBE 5 minutes COMBINED time of the races. The last straw for me was Aidan throwing a screaming fit and Dylan knocking his soda all over the kid in front of us. Talk about embarrassing. So I packed up me and Aidan I left. Aidan and I had gone out after Mom and Jake and Dylan and Kenna..... that way I could leave early to get back to Owen. Good thing too b/c Mom and Jake and the kids didn't get back until almost 11!!!!
Needless to say we skipped church so the kids could sleep in from such a LATE night. Sunday morning we got up and Jake started doing some yardwork. I called mom to see if the boys could go over there for the morning/afternoon while we cracked out some yard work. We got almost all that I wanted done DONE, there will be some tidy up stuff to do on Friday or Saturday before the shower, but pretty much the big stuff got done. :D
Then I had to take Owen to the Dr. so they could make him POOP. He still had not really gone...he went Saturday but just a teeny bit. I called Sunday and they wanted me to bring him in, so I did. They did some "stuff" to him and gave him a suppository (I had given him one saturday too) and sent us home. When we got home he finally had a BLOWOUT. I got him cleaned up and then we went to our Link Group BBQ at David and Sabrina's. We stayed there for a while but I was so dang tired I was practically falling asleep on the deck...I felt like I was anyway. Hopefully no one noticed! LOL
Yesterday I had my 6 week OB check-up.... that went good. She talked to me about antidepressants but I said I didn't want to do that just yet, to which she said "I knew you'd say that" hehe I just want to wait it out and see what happens. I'll know if I'm getting worse or even just not getting better. I really think it's just baby blues....After that I went shopping for more baby shower stuff. I can't say here in case Kacie reads this, but it is going to be SO CUTE! I am very excited to do this. :D I have a TON to do though before Saturday. UGH...not sure how I will get it all done. My mom is going to come help with some stuff....but right now it all just seems like a lot...and I am totally that person that does not ask for help b/c really, I don't want it (unless it's my mom) b/c I just like things done a certain way. ;o)
Oh yeah, Owen slept 5.5 hours Sunday night!! That is the most sleep I've gotten since before I had him! I felt like a new woman!!! LOL I swear it was because he finally pooped, b/c he hasn't pooped since then and now he is fussy again. Anyway, since I had gotten SO MUCH sleep that night I was totally in the mood to clean and stuff yesterday so last night I got a lot of cleaning done and I even made dinner! yeah, sounds small, but lately for me, that was a big deal. LOL However, you'd never know I cleaned by looking at it today. :( I was just telling my grandma this morning while she was here for a while that that is the ONE thing I HATE about being home all day....the messes. YOu have to constantly be cleaning to keep on top of it.....especially with three kids. Three kids and a husband who forgets to clean up the dinner mess so I am left with it in the morning. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice.
Today is a low key day again.I was beat when I got up this morning. I stayed up too late IM'ing with Marcia last night and I didn't get to sleep until 1. Then Owen woke up at 4:30, back to bed at 5:20, woke up again at 7:30 and then that was that. I tried to snooze on the couch for a while this morning and succeeded until Owen started getting fussy. Dylan was just playing in the living room and cuddling with me off and on until he got hungry. Aidan didn't wake up after 10!!!! OMG!!! I love that that kids sleeps in so late! I wish Dylan would do that. Dylan is up at the crack up dawn, always. He is getting good about sneaking into our bed so I don't even hear him. When I woke up at 7:30 he was there!
Mom is coming over later maybe to help me make some shower stuff but other than that, nothing much today. I just want to sleep. ALL of the kids are asleep right now...granted Owen is on my chest even right now, but at least they are all asleep. I hear the couch calling my name.....................
Saturday, August 25, 2007
*YAWN* Will this kid EVER sleep more? I am feeling at my wits end. I told Jake this morning that I am not sure how much more of this NOT sleeping I can handle. I have resorted to drinking coffe with just half and half.... SO NOT ME. It's helped keep my eyes open, but that's about it.
It's so nice outside today. I have been LOVING this summer. I absolutely hate HOT HOT HOT weather, so this year has been nice for me. I wish the boys would go outside today, but they don't want to, and I am too tired to round them up to take them to the park. Dylan has been watching his Nick Jr. videos this morning. I am too tired to protest.
The other day we went to my friend Angela's grandparents house for the afternoon. They have a big in-ground pool and Angela has a friend visiting from Germany named Nina. Nina takes GREAT pictures and she took a ton of the boys. They are sooooo good. I love them. Ange dropped them off yesterday morning when she was walking her dog and now I am trying to download them to an album. The boys had so much fun! Dylan mostly swam in the pool with Angela...Aidan was a bit apprehensive about it. I loved watching them though yesterday. They were having a blast! I was nervous though the whole time, even though I enjoyed hanging out and visiting. Angela and I MAYBE get together twice a year to visit so this was nice. I was nervous b/c of the pool (no fence around it) and b/c of the fish pond. Aidan was loving the pond and kept getting too close to it and he kept RUNNING towards the pool. Dylan ran by the pool once and I about lost my breath. They aren't used to being around a pool like that so they didn't understand why we kept jumping on them about it. At one point at the pond, Dylan teetered and I thought I would have a heart attack. While it is nice to visit and play around a pool, I am so glad we don't have one b/c I would be on pins and needles all the time. Overall it was a great afternoon though. I am so glad we got to spend time up there with them and visit. Angela's grandparents were home too and her mom and one of her brothers came up. They were like a second family to me growing up so it was so nice to catch up. :D
I just got off the phone with the nurse at the Ped's office and they want me to give Owen a suppository! OMG! =O This should be fun. He hasn't pooped in 2 weeks now. :( I just realized that this morning. I knew he hadn't pooped in a while but I didn't realize until today that it's been two weeks already. :( Poor little fella.
I was supposed to go shopping with Mom yesterday for baby shower stuff but I decided to stay home instead and do NOTHING and not feel guilty about it. Trying not to feel guilty about it. I mean NOTHING too. I did not cleaning or anything. I just wanted to veg. Last night we went to the PHIL WICKHAM concert at church. It was a cool concert and I really liked the guy that sang before him. Jake liked him too. The girl that sang before him had such a pretty voice too. She was cute. Kacie said she was younger than us too....that surprised me. After the concert I signed up for this thing called "MOCHA CLUB"..... basically another one of those deals where you send money to this organization to help orphans in other countries. What got me was the story this guy told about.....that the number one cause of death for orphans in this one country (don't remember which one) isn't disease or starvation, it's being eaten alive by hyennas b/c they have to sleep outside b/c the orphanage isn't big enough. UGH. I was instantly sick and started crying thinking about my babies. I told Jake "we are signing up, end of discussion." LOL You got to name your own "team" too (not sure why yet, I guess I'll figure it out later) and I named it DAO. :P I thought that was appropriate. Dylan, Aidan, Owen. :) Anyway.....
I was excited to get out without ANY of the kids for a while. I needed a break. :( It's funny b/c I feel like I need a break, but I LOVE doing nothing with them and just watching them be funny. I just love to LOOK at them. :) Even when we're all grumpy.
Dylan was sitting with me on the couch while I fed Owen and he was watching Ruby and Max, a cartoon about bunnies and they were dressing Max up like a baby and Dylan said "we don't have any babies HERE!" and I said "oh really, what is Owen?" and he said "Owen is a FAT baby!" AH HA HA HA!! heehee I couldn't stop laughing.
Tonight we are going to the races with Mom. We're taking Dylan and Aidan and leaving Owen with my grandma. I think the boys will like it. Mom is bringing McKenna too. Mom picked up ear muffler looking things for the kids to wear so the noise doesn't hurt them. It was too loud for me at some points, not all, but enough so that I don't want the boys to not be protected.
Tomorrow we are HOPEFULLY going to stop by Jake's grandparents anniversary dinner and visit for a few and then head to our Link Group BBQ. They happen to be within a half hour of eachother and we've been planning the BBQ for over a week and we didn't find out about the anniversary dinner until YESTERDAY! Sooo... let's hope the boys' nap times don't run over or we will have to skip that altogether. I hate last minute notices. Throws the whole day off.
Other than that we NEED to find some time to squeek in some yard cleanup. I have got to get down to business this week for the baby shower. I still have a ton to do. TAMMY:IF YOU'RE READING THIS....ARE YOU AND KASS COMING?? Anyway, that is all we have planned for our "exciting" weekend. :P Not much. Now I need to go put away about 5 loads of folded laundry. blech.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Oh my goodness! My baby has already outgrown an outfit....and it happens to be my FAVORITE outfit on him! It's the one I put him in for his appearance on the news ("Baby Talk") which btw, airs on September 11 at 5:30. I can't believe it. :( I put it on him today and I could BARELY snap the snaps between his legs and it fits him snugly now. He will wear it today but then that's it. :( I'll have to box it up. And he's only worn it MAYBE four times. *sniff* I really didn't think he was that much bigger. I hate when they outgrow clothes so fast. :(
Here is a picture of him in it the first time he wore it. :)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Okay, so we have been pottytraining Dylan for FOREVER now. We "introduced" it to him sometime between 18months and 2years.... and only in the last 6 months have we really been hardballing him on it. He wears underwear now during the days (he went back and forth for months!) and can go #1 (only using numbers for the sake of other readers) fine but when it comes to #2 he downright REFUSES to go! He will go for my mom, but never for us. I hope that has just been coincidence! Tonight he was running around here PANICKING b/c he had to go so bad, so he'd get up there to go and then say "I can't, it hurts too bad" and then we proceed to do this four more times tonight! THEN bathtime comes and I hear Jake YELLING.... apparently a little #2 slipped out in the tub! So, Jake has to drain the water all out, clean the tub, then get them back in. Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that Aidan has had #2 after #2 after #2 ALLLL DAAAY today. What is WITH these kids?? One can't stop going, the other refuses!
So, now they are in bed and poor Dylan never did go. :( I feel so bad for the little guy. I know his tummy is killing him. He was near tears it hurt so bad....but the tears dried up quick once he sat on that potty and determined he couldn't go. Maybe we'll have more luck tomorrow.
Current mood: excited
OOOOOH! Today mom and I braved the mall with the kiddos.... which BTW is a GREAT money saver b/c they were so crabby we only went to one store! Anyway, Macy's was having this HUGE sale that lasts all weekend and some of their stuff is only 4.99!!! OMG! Mom was there to pick something up for my grandma and a sales lady was helping her and I noticed a cute pair of capris and I said "oh these are cute and they are only 9.99 and the lady said "no honey they are 4.99....everything in this section is" and I said "WHYYYYYY am I not shopping then?!" and I proceeded to tear through the racks! AH HA HA!!
I got $251 worth of clothes for only $44!!!!!! YAHOOOOO! Made my day! ;o)
Monday, August 13, 2007
Seriously, my life is booooooooooring. At least it is right now. We have not been up to much lately. Saturday night I went to the races with my mom. That was kinda fun. The older two boys stayed with Jake and my grandma kept Owen. I pumped before we left b/c I didn't want to pump in the nasty bathrooms while we were there. PLUS, who wants to lug around that big pump? Even if it does come in a discreet carry bag? We sat behind this family and the dad had FOUR girls and his g/f was pg too. He was there with a guy who appeared to be his brother b/c that guys kids kept calling him "uncle." They were half of our entertainment. ;o) At one point, his YOUNG (younger than Aidan) nephew was blowing raspberries at him and he looked at him and laughingly said "I'm gonna f***ing kick your a**!" and then laughed really hard. OMG!! :O Some people are crazy, seriously. Who talks to a little kid like that??? Joking or not.
At one point I got up to go to the concessions to get a snack and I walked by where they were selling beer. I didn't want a beer (why drink piss?) but I noticed they had Smirnoff. YUM. So I got one of those but it came in a beer cup b/c they wouldn't let you have the glass bottle. I went back to our seats in the stands and before I could even take a good sip a COP was kicking me out of there!!! Apparently we were sitting in the family section where alcohol was not allowed! AH HA HA!! Such a rebel I am. ;o)
Sunday we went to church, well, Jake and I and Owen went to church. We left Dylan and Aidan at my grandma's. Everyone was over there all weekend helping my grandma redo her patio. Aidan has Fifth's right now and even though he's not contagious I know that they wouldn't like keeping him in class b/c the rash is so bad. It looks awful. After church we went to granny's and hung out a few and then went and got lunch and brought it home. Then we all napped and dinked around here. The boys went to mom's last night b/c I was really wanting to clean uninterrupted and I felt motivated to do it last night...... for some reason I just wanted them to go last night instead of tonight. So after they went there I finished reading my book and then we picked up and got the house pretty well straightened up. Not perfect, but pretty decent.
It was a good thing the boys were gone last night b/c Owen didn't sleep at all! Okay, he did, but not really. He slept in 30-45 minute increments all night long. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!That was miserable for me! B/c of that I laid in bed with him until 11am!! Then I had to get ready to take him to the dr at 3(I thought he had thrush....he doesn't, but I do. ???) and it took me forever to get ready b/c he just cried and cried and criiiiiiied all morning/afternoon. I don't know what is up with him but he has been SO FUSSY.
To make matters worse, on top of the "thrush" that I thought he had and that I think I do have, he has CRACKED me on both sides. OOOOOOOOOOOUCH!!! Seriously, I can deal with mastitis, but the cracks make me want to stop nursing. Seriously. This morning I was crying b/c it hurt so bad and all I could think of was that I wanted to stop nursing and that just broke my heart. :( I called my LC and left her message about it and told her I'd be there at 3 for an appt anyway and to come find me if she could. (she works at the ped's office)
So we get to his appt and I took a bottle of expressed milk for him and I was giving it to him in the room while we waited for the dr to come in. The nurse saw me giving him a bottle and I told her I din't want to attempt nursing him in public while it was so painful. Crying in front of total strangers didn't sound like something I wanted to do today WHILE exposing my boob to nurse. ;o)
So, she went and told the LC that I was giving him a bottle and she came back and said "Nancy said she'd rather you use this (handing me a nipple shield) instead of giving him a bottle" and I started cracking up! I said "I KNEW she would!!!" heehee. I told her I was going to go straight to Target today anyway to buy some so that was good. Then, about five minutes later Nancy comes running in and says "GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE!" ah ha ha!! She took the bottle from me and said "now lift up your shirt!" heehee She got the shield on me right b/c I had no idea how to use it and I didn't want to try until I got home. She got in on and I started nursing and OMGOOOOOOOSH it felt so much better. It didn't hurt at all. I was so grateful! I absolutely looooooooove her. She is a boob saver. :) hehe I am on strict orders the rest of the week though to get the cracks healed up and the suspected thrush cleared up before he gets it. This should be fun.....a few more things to add to my list of "to-do's."
Tonight I ordered all of the stuff for Kacie's baby shower on the first. I am excited. It is going to be sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I can't tell the details here in case she reads it, but I am excited. I hope she likes it. I am putting a lot of thought into the details and I hope it turns out good. :)
Also, STILL no orders. :( How much longer before I really go crazy waiting???
Today was a so-so day. I talked to Lanita earlier while I was driving to the dr's and I just started bawling. I don't know why, but today was teary day. Saturday and Sunday were pretty okay, but today was an off day. I think that sometimes I feel like I just want something that resembles my life back. Not my life before kids, but life with kids..... like right before I got pg with Owen everything was pretty perfect....as much as it could be. I want it back to that, and I don't want it to take a year this time. I just want to feel like ME again. ME with a grip on things. And I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but yeah, that is easier said than done....and it's something I am trying to work on. ...........
Friday, August 10, 2007
Current mood: melancholy
I've not really blogged about anything much lately, besides the walmart weirdo.
I haven't felt like doing any blogging, or anything that involves talking about what is going on around here. Not much. It's the same 'ol same 'ol.....or as my sister-in-law hilariously put it in her blog "repeat, repeat again, repeat until I die" which made me laugh hysterically, b/c that is exactly how I've felt. UGH. Booooooooriiiiiiing.
Mostly the days consist of nursing every two hours AROUND the clock, changing a million and one diapers, making at least 10 meals a day (3/breakfast, 3/lunch, 4/dinner) and meanwhile trying to keep on top of Dylan and Aidan, the house, making sure naps are taken (at the same time preferrably), oh yeah....and getting a shower in there somewhere!
I have felt sad and "down" lately too which doesn't help matters much. I don't know if it's the classic case of "baby blues" or WHAT, but I haven't felt right. I was talking to Jake about it the other day and I told him I can FEEL it coming on, just like I did when I was PG with Owen.... I KNOW something is off but I don't know what to do about it. I'm definately not in the same place I was when I was PG with Owen..... this time I don't hate my kids and husband. This time I am just sad and tired. Tears always feel at the forefront all day and I don't know why. I hate that I know something is off....it's like I'm waiting. Waiting for it to either get worse or better. I don't want to jump the gun and call my dr about it b/c I am hoping it's just the baby blues and will pass. It passed when I was PG. I told Jake I would rather be oblivious to anything feeling wrong, b/c then I wouldn't be anticipating anything..... now I'm actually not sure which is worse.
I haven't really been doing my normal things either and I know that doesn't help. I'm barely sleeping, I'm not talking to my friends like I did before. Toni and I used to talk everyday and Lanita and I were talking several times a week for a few hours at a time and that was just part of my daily/weekly activities that I relied on. Now I don't feel like talking to anyone most days. I feel stuck. That makes me nervous. I need to snap out of this.
I feel like I miss people too. I got an email from my friend Missy and I wanted to cry reading it. It's funny, I miss my close friends that I haven't see in years, but I also don't feel like doing anything with anyone, besides family. With my family I don't have to be "up" like normal.
I think I am just tired and stressed out with everything....all the changes, all the impending changes (btw, STILL no word on moving yet), and how I feel overhwhelmed by it all. At counseling last week with Jake, our counselor told me that my biggest problem is struggling with perfection. I freak out and beat myself up b/c things aren't perfect. I also freak out and beat OTHERS up (Jake/boys) when they don't do something perfectly. WONDERFUL. Tell me something I don't know.... I know. I knew that already, but I needed someone to tell me flat out. HA...reading back through that part makes it sound like I keep everything perfect....and I DON'T at all. That is why I am so overwhelmed and stressed out b/c I am not happy until it is.
Okay I have gotten off topic (what was my topic???) and I just went head first into an annoying rant. Sorry readers.
So there is my blog for now. Who knows when I will get a chance to post another one???
Sunday, August 5, 2007
So tonight Mom and I went to Walmart for some odds and ends and we took Owen with us. The boys stayed home with Jake b/c we went so late....that way he could put them down for bed. While we were there we were looking at cards and I was standing at the end of the isle getting ready to turn into another isle and this guy walked by and RUBBED Owen's forehead!! I had him in the basket of the cart, so he had to reach down INTO the cart to rub his head. I looked up at him with my eyes wide and looked at the girl with him and just fumbled for anything to say....all I could do was STARE in a disapproving way and say "UUUUUUHHHHHHHH?!" and then they walked off. I definately was NOT smiling at them and they both just smiled at me and walked off.
I am NOT a quick thinker on my feet especially when I am caught off gaurd (as my friend Toni reminds me of all the time!) and I have NEVER had anyone touch my babies before! I have read on message boards about people complaining that strangers try to touch their babies, and honestly I always thought they were a bit anal, but that was until tonight. EW! Please don't touch my baby! Okay, I HAVE had little cute sweet old ladies who look older than Moses touch them on their arm or leg or foot, but never on their face! Them I don't mind so much b/c I know what is going through their heads, they are probably thinking about their kids when they were babies and I just think of that more as a nice sweet thing. But tonight just rubbed me, and Owen, the wrong way. ;o)
I saw once online that they have stop signs for strollers and car seats that say "Please don't touch me" and when I saw those I thought "WEIRD!" but tonight..... not so much.
Okay, now....am I being anal here??
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Goooood Grief! How many times can our family go the the ER in a three week time period? Apparently three times.
Jake had to drive himself to the ER tonight due to complications from his vasectomy. This is the second time this has happened since he had the procedure done in May. I offered to drive him but that would mean finding someone to watch the boys and taking Owen with us and sitting there for hours, so he just opted to drive himself. My mom offered to drive him (awkward! heehee) but of course he declined. So, that meant I was on my own tonight with two CRANKY toddlers who didn't nap today, and Owen who I now have on a new feeding routine after our appt with the LC today. Jake left around 5ish and I got dinner started for the boys. I had wanted to see if Mom wanted to go out or order in but I couldn't get ahold of her, so I just did a quick "gourmet" meal for the boys.... mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, and corn. Oh wow. I think I ate a few nuggets and a couple bites of mac-n-cheese. I have however eaten three chocolate chip cookies left over from the stash Kim included with our dinner last night. :) Oh yeah, that is going to help me lose this baby weight. I didn't eat them all at once either...I grazed them. I noticed I grabbed one when things got chaotic.... hmmmmm.... coincidence?
The boys were in FINE FORM tonight too. After dinner I got them in the bath and washed and then did jams and WAS going to let them watch Dumbo to wind down, but while I was changing Owen's diaper in his room I heard loud SMACKS followed by Aidan screaming after each one. I snuck down the hallway to watch what was happening and Dylan was beating Aidan over the head with his hand. Granted Aidan was hitting Dylan in the arm, but nothing like what Dylan was doing to him. Good grief. Those two are going to kill each other one day. LOL I turned off their movie and said they had to go straight to bed. It took about an HOUR for them to stop fighting bed.... they want SOMETHING....water, a book, a hug, a nightlight....anything to keep them from having to go to sleep. Usually I ignore it and threaten them with a spank (which I kick myself for later when I have to follow through with it!), but when I went in there to check on them Aidan was SOAKING wet from head to toe, his pillow was wet, and his sheets were wet. He had DUMPED his sippy of water all over his bed. OMG!!!!! I was furious. They always get water in the beds at night b/c they get thirsty through the night, but tonight he totally did that out of retaliation. So, I had to strip his bed AGAIN (I had to do it last night b/c they needed washing) and make it, change his clothes, find a cup with a valve so it wouldn't leak and he couldn't open it, and then get them settled down again. I hate hard bed time nights. Finally, after all that, they calmed down and I haven't heard a peep since.
So now I have ANOTHER bed set to add to my three baskets of clothes, one pile of comforters, and our sheets to wash. Laundry never ends! I hate laundry. It is the ONE chore I loath. I would rather scrub floors than do laundry any day.
Owen's appt with Nancy (lactation consultant) went well today. He is definately an efficient eater.
She weighed him first with nothing on, then with a dry diaper on. Then I fed him for a while on one side until he POOPED out his diaper and I had to get up to change him. Before I changed him she weighed him with the poopy diaper and he had taken in 2 ounces in that short time...not even five minutes. Then I laid him on the table to change him and he spit up ALL OVER the place. After I had changed him and gotten another clean diaper on him we weighed him again and he was back at the weight he was before I fed him. He pooped and spit up a total of 2 ounces which is exactly what he had taken in with that brief feeding. So I continued to nurse him on that same side for a while and he pooped AGAIN!! We weighed him again and he had taken another ounce. So, I changed him, and went back to nursing. All in all, by the end of the appt and the poops and spit ups, he had taken in a total of about 4-5 ounces from ONE SIDE in a combined time of about 10 minutes. He is one great nurser for being only 21 days old!
I had told her what I was concered about and she figures that he was spitting up so much b/c my let down reflex is SO FAST and so strong that is basically chokes him out and he has to spit it all up, and then he is discouraged so he doesn't nurse anymore on that side. Then I would switch him to the other side and the same thing would happen. All the while he was also getting more fore milk than hind milk too, and that doesn't help with the spitting up. So, our new plan is to only nurse him one side at a time so he only has to contend with one let down reflex, and then he will get more hind milk that way. I told her that when I have a let down it's mostly the thick white milk, which is GOOD. She said I have "butter milk" and she should just call me "Jersey" from now on. Moooooo!! heehee
Oh yeah, another good thing from his appt today. She checked his weight from last week and he has gained OVER a pound in one week! That is AWESOME! She said he is gaining DOUBLE what they want babies to gain a day. I am SO relieved to hear that b/c I was worried about his milk intake, but obviously he is doing fine! Now I can't wait to see how his weight will do with this new nursing plan.... getting more fatty milk this way. He will PLUMP up quick! heehee
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Hmmm, so I have been LAAAAAAAAME lately and haven't been able to find the time to blog. It seems like once we get the boys in bed I have to feed Owen shortly after that and then I have to get him settled into bed and by then I just want to SIT and not worry about a kid for a while, and then before I know it, it's midnight and I am tired and wanting to go to bed, but it's time to feed Owen again by then.
I feel so overwhelmed lately. I feel like my "duties" around here have multiplied and I have NO time to do them all. On top of that Jake and I are doing some counseling "maintenance" so some issues have come up there that I am trying to work on for the benefit of our marriage and I feel stressed out b/c I can't possibly keep up. I fail somewhere. I feel like there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything required of me. It's times like these when I sort of "check out" and don't do anything, but I've learned that that just makes me feel worse. Soooo, I have been trying to maintain some sort of order around here, but I have yet to get a schedule going for the fam. While I have been able to KIND OF keep up, I haven't been able to work on other things that need attention. I just feel like I am falling behind.
I know that once we get more settled with Owen and once he starts sleeping more I will feel more like myself again. I mean, I feel fine now, I just have NO energy and NO drive. To top it off, Owen has decided to start FUSSING constantly. This after I raved about how good he was and how he never cried for no reason. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Or knocked on wood, or something. LOL
We should be finding out where we are going sometime in the next two weeks. Jake says he should have his orders by then. I feel like a lot hinges on that for us. Not sure why, but I do. I just want to move forward and be able to PLAN and I can't until I know where and when we are moving. Right now it's probably the biggest thing we talk about.... moving, what we will take, what we will sell, when we will clean out the garage and have a yard sale, whether we want mom to go with us to help or not, what time of year we will move (b/c we MAY have some say in that due to a few details...), leaving the trailer until next summer, all that kind of stuff. It's nice to plan but stressfull when you can't OFFICIALLY plan anything....... it'll be nice to know, no matter where it is.
Dylan has been getting more and more difficult. I blame myself for it b/c at one point a while ago I went through this thing with him where I wanted him to learn to tell us how he felt instead of acting out...and now it's backfired in a BAD way. "I mad at YOU!!!" "I don't want you to talk to me!" "I just have a bad day, I don't want to!" When we tell him "no" or that he can't do something he says "Yes, I just want to do that!" I swear I have created a monster. Now I am trying to do damage control and break him of all of that. He is getting mouthy.
Aidan keeps putting food up his nose too!! What is WITH this kid?! Tonight Kim brought us a yummy chicken fajita dish for dinner and I cut up the chicken for the boys and Aidan shoved chicken up his nose! I saw him start to and I said "AIDAN NO!" and he he crammed it up there as fast as he could. I thought "no freaking way are we taking him to the ER again for food up his nose" so I went and got the tweezers. I put him in a headlock and tried to grab the chicken. Well whatever I did tickled his nose and he coughed/sneezed at the same time and it FLEW out of his nose thank goodness. I don't know what I am going to do about him and the food up his nose. ?????
Tomorrow I am taking Owen to my lactation consultant so she can see how much he is getting at a time. She weighs him before he eats and then weighs him after and can see how much he got. He just isn't eating in a way that I am comfortable with. He will eat for like 5 minutes and then fall asleep or spit it (me) out and not eat anymore. Sometimes he'll eat a bit more on the other side, but not really. He keeps falling asleep and if he doesn't fall asleep he just spits it out and decides to not eat anymore. I don't get it. He can't POSSIBLY be that good of an eater at 3 weeks. I just want peace of mind that he is getting enough to eat. I mean, he is obviously gaining weight, he's grown out of an outfit already and he pees and poops normally, but I just can't imagine that he is getting enough in five minutes. So, I hope that tomorrow I will feel better about he is eating.
Not much else going on so far this week.... I think we want to try to clean out the garage this weekend. I need to talk to mom and see if she would be willing to take the boys on Saturday for a bit so we can get the bulk of it done then without having to worry about them as distractions. That way we can get it done in one day. I love cleaning out the garage actually. I hate a messy garage and right now ours is AWFUL. You can barely walk around in it.
OHHHH, something funny I can't believe I forgot. Now it is too late to give the horrific details but basically I FELL on my hands and knees in church on Sunday while everyone was sitting down. I was walking down the isle to our seat up front and I had Owen in the baby sling and when I got to the very front I FELL and let out this LOUD yelp. I don't know how I fell or why but I did, and oh my word was it embarrassing. It was embarrassing and funny. I can't believe I ate it in front of the entire church WHILE Tom was up talking and introducing someone. Why couldn't I have fallen when everyone was standing up singing??? Good grief.... really it is quite commical, but at the same time, still embarrassing. Anyway, that was the most excitement this week.
We're boring. LOL
Saturday, July 28, 2007
So for the last two days I have been on the prowl for a cute outfit to wear to my friend Tara's wedding. Having just had a baby two weeks ago, this is no small feat. Yes yes, I waited too long and at the last minute panicked and spent four hours at the mall yesterday (where I found an outfit and bought it but then decided I didn't want to wear it to the wedding) and countless hours here at home going through outfits, mixing and matching, even trying a few of my moms cute outfits. So here was my problem... SHOES. I could find what I wanted to wear but didn't have the shoes to match. I didn't buy any CUTE shoes while PG b/c I couldn't wear heels....hurt my back. Well now I can wear heels again so yesterday I bought two new pairs. You'd think that ONE of those pairs would have been good enough.....nope. I had to go BACK to the mall today and get the black pair I had been eyeing yesterday. I went, I got. On my way out I went through Macy's and OF COURSE had to browse through the clothes there. I found two new shirts on clearance and grabbed those. I made it home and wasn't even gone an hour. That is some power shopping!
I get home and pair the shoes with a few outfits and pick one I am COMFORTABLE in and that doesn't show the post baby belly. I hate that belly. Anyway, after all that, this was the ONLY picture I got of me and Tara tonight. LOL I didn't even think to get one of me and Jake, and we were looking pretty cute! Owen went with us considering he's attached at the boob. He looked pretty cute too. :D
I am so happy for Tara and she was just the most beautiful bride ever. What is it about weddings that make you cry? As soon as I saw her come through the doors and outside (outdoor wedding) I instantly started crying. I am just so happy for her. She deserves this so much. :)
Tomorrow we are going to attempt church for the first time in 3 weeks. We didn't go the Sunday before I had Owen and we haven't gone since he was born either. I'm in need of church! I'm excited that Owen did well in his baby sling tonight so hopefully he will be okay during church in it tomorrow.
We have our link group tomorrow night as well. Days with link group are always busy and rushed. I feel stressed out about naps on those days. Sometimes we end up not taking the boys b/c they aren't up in time.... but I don't think that will be an option tomorrow. We'll just have to skip the after church lunch at Abbey's and come straight home for a quick lunch and then straight down for naps...... I hope I can pull it off. There is NO WAY we are doing no naps tomorrow. Whenever they don't nap they turn into terrors at EXACTLY 6 o'clock. EXACTLY.
I was wanting to get some cleaning done this weekend but that obviously isn't happening either. Shoe shopping was a bigger priority today! HA! I have no energy to clean at night either. I used to count on that after the kids went to bed, but MAN this nursing every two hours at night is kicking my butt. I am drained.
Speaking of drained....I am babbling now.... I need to go to bed. I am beat.
So in an attempt to start a blog on here that is appropriate for people to actually read, I thought I'd create yet ANOTHER blog. I have myspace and I have a private blog on here, but I find myself being pulled into the public blogging world. HA!! Becaues I have nothing to say at the moment...here are a few of my latest blogs from myspace...... they will bore you to death. ;o)
Owen's Birthday Story......
Okay, so some of you have been asking for the detailed version of Owen's arrival, and I have really been intending to do it before now, but everytime I think about it my head hurts, and the farther from that day I get the more my head hurts to think about the fuzzy details. LOL Pregnant brain has now become Mommy brain, soon to return to normal brain in about 6 months....so I've heard.
So without further ado.....
Tuesday the 10th I went shopping all day with my mom and got the much needed baby book I had remembered the night before. We were gone for the better part of the day and got home around 3. I put the boys down for naps and got online. Around 3:30 I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. This happened with Aidan too..... means labor is coming SOON. I called my mom frantic b/c that was my gut reaction. She came over and I was on the phone with my OB and she said to just labor at home for a while until my contractions were around 4-5 minutes apart. Greeeeat. So, mom went home and said to call her when they start b/c at this point I had no contractions. About an hour later, 4:30 or so, I started having contractions. At 5:30 I started timing them b/c they were becoming worse. I called mom to come get the boys b/c I did not want to be laboring at home alone and taking care of them. She came and got them and then Jake got home a little bit later. Meanwhile I was finishing up some last minute things around here and making sure my bags were packed and at the front door, all the while being busy online too.
The bad thing is that my contractions weren't very regular. Some were 7 minutes apart, some were 15, they were really sporadic which was frustrating b/c they were increasing in strength..... just not in frequency. Finally I had about a half hour of contractions at 5 minutes apart and they were to the point where I could barely breath through them, so I opted to go in then. I did that b/c I needed to be hooked up to antibiotics asap b/c I was positive for Group B Strep. I needed at least four hours of antibiotics and I have quick labors. In fact the nurse kept saying she didn't trust my body to not change at the last minute and decide to spit out a baby b/c I was what they called a "multip mom" (multiple births already) with a history of delivering fast.
So anyway, we checked into the hospital at 8:30 and I assumed they would hook me up to the antibiotics right away but they didn't. They wanted to monitor me for a while to make sure I was in active labor. Well, wouldn't you know it but my contractions slowed down, but they didn't lessen in pain. That was frustrating. They talked about sending me home, something I did NOT want to do. I kept telling her that while they weren't regular contractions they were getting more and more painful and I that I knew myself and my body well enough to know that I would need an epidural SOON. She said they would monitor me for about 1-2 hours and then decide. Oh brother...that would mean it would be almost MIDNIGHT before they decided to keep me or not, and if they sent me home I would just have to go back in 6 hours anyway for my induction. Well luckily my contractions picked up and so did the pain. My nurse said she didn't like the way my body was acting and given my history, she wanted to go ahead and admit me. At this point it was around midnight. So, they admitted me, and I begged for the epidural. BTW, I have a love/hate relationship with the epidural. While I love what it does for you, I absolutely hate getting it. I was more fearful of the epidural than of delivering a baby! LOL
I got the epidural around 1 I think?? Exact timing is fuzzy to me now... but I got the epidural with the help of Jake enduring my fingernails in his shoulders, me stretching out the neck of his shirt, and a pillow at RVMC that probably still has my bite marks in it. I swear I am the most polite person in labor I think....I apologized before hand for any swearing that might be offensive to the nurse and anesthisiologist (sp?) and kept saying sorry when I screamed too loudly. What was funny is the anesthisiologist kept apologizing too... "I'm so sorry, my wife hates these too and does the same thing." That was actually a relief to hear. So, once we got through that ordeal, I laid back and let it take affect. I hate that part too..... I don't like feeling all of the control of my lower body leaving me. It's a strange feeling. I don't mind it once it's complete, but waiting for it to take full affect is creepy for me. Same feeling I get in an elevator....that's random.
So the epidural worked immediately on my right side but not so much on my left. In fact it never really numbed my left side at all. I could still feel the contractions on my left side...not as strongly as before, but strong enough to make me cry. While this was going on the nurse FINALLY hooked me up to the antibiotics I needed. I was supposed to have penicillian but b/c I am allergic to penicillian related drugs they opted for something else..... and wouldn't you know it, I was allergic to that. My right had and foot swelled and started itching horribly. At first we thought it was the epidural b/c that is one thing about the epidural, while it is numbing you, it itches a lot. But when only my hand and foot became inflamed and red and just NASTY looking, did we realize it was an allergic reaction. So, she pulled me off of that drug and said she'd ask the doctor what else to try. Around this time the anesthisiologist came back in to recheck my epidural since it wasn't numbing properly. He said that sometimes some women didn't numb evenly and there was no explaination for it.... that it was different for every woman. Well, the other two times I had one I numbed evenly on BOTH sides thankyouverymuch. So, I was left to feel the pain in my lower left abdomen and upper thigh. He left and the nurse left to get me more meds. I was worried at this point b/c it was already 3am and I was dilated to a 5. From the previous two boys, I knew I was on the downslope from here on out. I managed to doze a little from 3am to 3:20 and what woke me up was this excruciating pain in my left hip. It felt like someone was drilling a hole into my hip bones. I was laying on my left side too, hoping the epidural would make it's way down (they recommend doing that, saying it helps, but it never did) so at first I thought maybe it's b/c I've been laying here too long. But it got worse and worse, and it was more constant, not like a contraction. I knew something was not normal. Poor Jake had to be my punching bag and I am surprised I didn't break his shoulder. AND, come to find out the next day, the people across the hall could hear me screaming (Kacie happened to know them and they said to her "didn't your sister get an epidural? LOL). Niiiiiiice. Yes, screaming..... b/c remember my epidural was not so effective on that side.
I called for a nurse b/c I was getting scared at this point that something was wrong and my nurse was still MIA..... so the nurse that responded checked me and I was at a 10!!!!! After she checked me I asked her to lay me on my back b/c the pain in my hip was just too much. It lessened the pain a little, but not a lot. I told her I was supposed to have the antibiotic and I hadn't received it at all, and she looked concerned and said she'd call in the oncall doctor b/c it was time to push. At this point I started panicking b/c I knew I needed that antibiotic and I was worried about the baby. I was crying and talking about a mile a minute. Jake was trying to calm me down and then the doctor showed up. She said that my nurse earlier got called into a delivery and no one knew I wasn't being checked on. GREAT. I kept telling her about not getting the antibiotics and she didn't seem too thrilled about that which worried me even more. I kept saying "is my baby going to be okay?" over and over. She never said he would be, but she did say that 15 years ago when they didn't do the GBS testing that babies were fine, so why wouldn't mine be? I know that is what she had to say, and it really wasn't that reassuring. They did say they'd do bloodwork on him after he was born to make certain. That made me feel a little bit better, but just a little. OH yeah, when the nurse checked me and I was a 10 I had Jake call my mom and she almost beat the doctor there! In fact, right after the whole "GBS talk" my mom showed up I think..... at this point it was 4:45 or so?? So the doctor said she'd try to call my OB and see if she could get her in to deliver me and then she'd get back to me. So we waited a few minutes and she came back and said that my doctor didn't answer her page so she was going to have to deliver me. That was fine with me..... my doctor has never delivered me. She missed Aidan's birth too and then they only had a male oncall doctor and I threw a HUGE fit over that and insisted on a woman doctor, and they found a midwife at the other hospital who was willing to deliver me. So this time, with Owen, I was relieved that the oncall was a female so I didn't have to go through that again. I told her I felt immense pressure like I should push and she said "Well lets do a practice push and see where we stand" so right there she had me give one push and before I could even finish the push she said "STOP! His head is right there!" and my mom and Jake looked down and someone said "OH he has hair!!" and before I knew it the doctor was in scrubs and the bed was broke down and raised and she said, "Okay, when you feel like it, push again" and I said "Uh, I feel like it NOW!" and so I raised up to push and before I could even grab my legs.... he was out. It was unbelievable. I have heard women before say that they didn't even have to push and I always thought they were lying.... they weren't. I figure I sat at a ten for at least an hour fighting the urge to push, and couple that with the fact that I have had two babies before, I think he was just READY. The doctor said, "He's out!" and I said "WHAT?!" and looked down and there he was. I said "that was AWESOME!" heehee I can't believe I said that now. It really was amazing though.
The hardest labor I have ever had, but it was the easiest delivery ever.
So, he was born at 5:01am on 7-11-07.
My OB came in around 7am to check on me and I told her about the hip pain and she said that since he was face up, that was him turning at the last minute. She had told me at my appt that monday before that he was face up and that when he turned it would probably be extremely painful and feel like labor. She wasn't kidding. That was the worst pain I have EVER felt. I mean EVER. It even beat the pain of the epidural, if that's possible.
I also told her about not getting the antibiotics and she was NOT HAPPY at all about that. In fact from my room she went to talk to the pharmacist about changing my meds w/o her approval and then to talk to someone about why I didn't get the antibiotics.
Soooo, that's the story of Owen's arrival. The next several days in the hospital are an even longer story, which I may save for another blog. Don't want to bombard you with the details of the last 11 days all in one blog. Lord knows this one is long enough already, and if you've read this far....well, bless you then. LOL ;o)
Oh yeah....ALSO, all of Owen's bloodwork came back showing he was perfectly fine (thank you Lord!). And, for the first time ever, I didn't tear so that means no stitches. WOOHOO!!!! :o)
My 12 Day Saga.......
Oh bother.... isn't that what Winnie the Pooh says when things seem like they can't possibly get any worse?? Now don't get me wrong.... I am in a "happy" point in my life and that is the only reason I can laugh off these last 12 days. If I were still pregnant and having this kind of luck I think I would have hit the fan by now. LOL I was telling a friend from church about it today over the phone and I was laughing hysterically and she was just in SHOCK as to the amount of bad luck we've and she said "well at least you're laughing about it!" Honey, that's all I can do at this point..............
WEDNESDAY (11th)/THURSDAY (12th) So Owen was born on a Wednesday morning after being up all night laboring. I didn't sleep at all Wednesday even though Owen did. I was too wired. I did finally get tired that night but Owen had other plans. He was awake from midnight to 7am..... I was exhausted. All he wanted to do was nurse. I had not slept since Monday night and it was now Thursday morning. I called Jake and said "GET. HERE. NOW. And bring the pacifiers that I forgot." He came and sat there with Owen and the paci while I slept for about two hours. I don't think I went to sleep until about 9 though b/c I had ordered breakfast and then of course a million nurses check on you in the mornings. So I woke at 11 and was up until 3. I slept again until 5 and then got up and ordered dinner and had visitors and all that jazz. Well nightime came again and again he didn't want to sleep. I fussed with until about 1230am and then called a nurse and said "I have NEVER put one of my babies in the nursery and I feel like a horrible mom but I have got to put him in there tonight. I am just too tired." Then she told me that the nursery was full. Suddenly I didn't care about being a horrible mom, I just wanted SOMEONE to take him so I could sleep. I said "Could YOU take him?" and she looked at my like "WHAT?!" and I said "don't you keep babies at the nurses station?? I have seen that before I think. Will you keep him out there?" and she said yes that they do and she would. So she took him out with her and she brought him back around 215 to eat. I fed him and sent him back out with her at 3 and I went back to sleep until 6. That was the last time I got to sleep for a three hour stretch. LOL
FRIDAY (13th) It is now Friday and I am getting my stuff together to leave and go home. Jake and the boys were coming to get me around 1 or so. They came, they got me, we left at 2 and were home by 230. That night Jake's family (mom, dad, bro and his family) were coming over to eat and hang out and see the baby. I suggested doing that b/c I really didn't want to go there and Nate and Teresa were only down for the weekend and I wanted to see them and I knew they wanted to see the baby. Sooo, everyone came over for pizza and they brought some salad. After dinner Nate and Dylan were wrestling and Dylan started crying really hard, and I knew by the way he was crying that something was not right..... long story short, Jake, Nate, their dad, and Dylan all spent 5 hours in the ER that night getting x-rays on Dylan's arm. The Dr's couldn't tell if it was fractured or not b/c his bones are still so little and not fully formed, so they splinted it anyway and said to take him to his pediatrician on Monday.
SATURDAY (14th) Teresa called to check on Dylan and offered to come over and watch the kids so Jake and I could rest or do whatever b/c Owen (AGAIN) did not sleep at all that night. I took her up on it and she and Kambrie came over. Jake left and went to put the plates on the trailer. While she was here I got to take my time taking a shower and getting dressed. That was nice. When I was done we got the kids all lunch and by the time they were finished Jake got home and then Teresa and Kambrie left. They kids got some good play time and I think Kambrie warmed up a little to the boys....it's funny to see them all together b/c the boys are so rough and loud and she is so calm and quiet. While they were building towers and crashing them she was trying to read. LOL So cute. :)
After that the boys laid down for naps and I dinked around here. At 230 Nate called to tell me something about the ER trip the night before and then MIL got on the phone to talk to me and said that they were having a BBQ at 5!!!! I told her that considering it was a LAST MINUTE invite it would all depend on the kids and naps and attitudes when they got up. To say the least I was annoyed. I just was frustrated b/c if I had known the night before when it was planned I could have planned my day better and anticipated it. We ended up going but not until 730 that night. I was glad we ended up going though b/c it was fun and the kids did really good and Owen slept through the whole thing. Plus it felt good to get out.
SUNDAY (15th) Sunday I had to take Owen in to the Dr to get his weight checked. When we left the hospital they said they didn't like the amount of weight he had lost and they were just barely comfortable letting him leave, so they wanted to recheck him two days after to see if it went up any. After that I went back over to Jake's parents (where I had dropped him and the boys earlier) to say goodbye to Nate and Teresa and Kambrie. After they left we went to lunch at Angelo's with his parents. After that we went back to their house to hook up the trailer to take it home since Jake and the boys were going camping on Tuesday. The rest of the day was pretty low key.... naps, dinner, down time. NOthing exciting.
MONDAY (16th) Monday I had to take Dylan to the Dr. to have his arm looked at again. They determined that it in fact was NOT broken and didn't need to be in the splint any longer. They tried to put it in a sling but he SCREAMED his head off like the night he hurt it. I asked if it really mattered, sling or splint, and they said no, so we put the splint back on. I think he was more scared than anything even though he said he still had a little pain in his elbow. The Dr. said that when he felt like it to just take it off and he'd be fine. So I told him when we left it was up to him, that when he wanted we could take it off anytime. From watching him, it was obvious it wasn't going to be anytime soon. Seriously that kid is a DQ (my mom calls me DQ for drama queen, so maybe I should call him a DK?? drama king?) LOL. The rest of the day was spent getting Jake and the boys ready for camping down at Shasta with my family. I was starting to be bummed I couldn't go b/c a lot of extended family ended up being there too. I couldn't go though b/c I had Owen's circumcision on Wednesday that I couldn't reschedule.
TUESDAY (17th) Jake and the boys left around 11:30 in the morning I think?? After that I got ready and headed out to go shopping. I was tired of wearing my maternity shirts still and STILL looking pregnant in them. BLECH. I don't care how ridiculous it is, I was not going to ride it out.... I decided it was worth it to spend some $$$ on a few new things to get me through until I can fit back into some of my old clothes. So I went to Target b/c a few weeks ago I saw these cute dresses that I thought would cover well. The only ones they had left were spaghetti strapped and I cannot wear those while nursing. NO SUPPORT at all and I think someone would have me arrested for indecent exposure. I did however find this really cute style of tank top that covered well and was light in fabric and would be good for nursing and would still look good after the baby weight was gone. It is not fitted at all, it's kind of flowy... so I got four of them in different colors. I got a pair of Bermuda shorts, a pair of capri's and a cute knee length baby doll hoodie with leggings. HOPEFULLY that will get me through since I don't leave the house much anyway. My cousin Krislyn had called and said that she was going back down to camping on Wednesday and she said she'd wait for me if I wanted to ride with her. I was so excited!!! I called and told Jake but told him not to tell anyone! I wanted it to be a surprise since most of them hadn't seen Owen..... in fact, only a few of them had. So the rest of Tuesday I spent packing, doing a few loads of laundry for the trip, and cleaning the house.
WEDNESDAY (18th) I got up and got ready for Owen's appt. I got there and we did his one week check up and then I left him with the Dr. for his SNIPAGE and I went back and hung out with my lactation consultant for a while. The nurse found me and brought him to me and said that Nancy (my LC) could check him in 30 minutes to give me the all clear to go home. So I went and joined the moms group she has at that time and chatted and nursed Owen and then Nancy checked him and we left. I called Krislyn when I got home and she was on her way over to get us. We loaded up and left. NOW HERE IS WHERE LIFE GETS EVEN MORE INTERESTING. On the way down to camping I had to stop to feed Owen. I noticed he wasn't nursing well when we left so I was glad he got hungry, only he didn't nurse well then either. I thought maybe it was because I was in the car. I kept trying all day to nurse him. I was kicking myself in the butt b/c I had forgotten my pump so I was getting very "FULL" and I knew that he needed to eat and wasn't eating hardly at all. I started getting frustrated and worried b/c I know from my history with Aidan that it would not be good for me if he didn't empty me with a feeding, and SOON. Well, sure enough, I had a 101 fever that night in the trailer, I was sweating and having the chills off and on. Luckily I had remembered my thermometer and Ibuprofen so I took 4 IBU and lived on that until we got home Thursday night. I had called my OB while camping and they called me in a presrcription so it was waiting for me when we got back.
THURSDAY (19th) So we packed up and headed home and got back around 5 ish. Jake picked up my prescription for me of dicloxicillian and the pharmacist said that if I am allergic to any penicillian related meds to not take it. So I called the oncall Dr and told her my allergies (there are a lot) and she said NOT to take it, she'd call me in something else. So I sent Jake to pick that up as well. So when he got home from getting that (8pm by this point) he gave me my meds. I said "is this it?" b/c it looked different than before (I have had mastitis four times) and he said yes so I took it. Well later I was looking at the papers that came with it and I had a question so I called the pharmacist and she said "look at the bottle and tell me what it says" so I asked Jake for the bottle. He pointed to it. I said "NO that's the bottle I might be allergic to, where's the other one?" and he said "THAT'S that one I gave you!" and then I lost it. HE GAVE ME THE WRONG MEDS!!! I totally started to panic after that. I was freaking out, crying hysterically, waiting for my throat to possible swell up, pacing the floor, I was a mess. I called the Dr and she said to take Benadryl to counteract any reaction. So I took the Benadryl and stayed up for four hours to make sure I wasn't going to die in my sleep. LOL Jake said "So you probably think I am trying to kill you now or something huh?" heehee Yeah, slightly.
FRIDAY (20th) All through the night Thursday and early Friday morning I noticed that my milk supply had gone down. I called my LC to find out if this was b/c of the mastitis. When I told her about the previous night she said "Oh! The Benadryl dried up your milk!" Greeeeeeeeeeeat! At this point I was thinking "could it GET any worse?! I mean really! What else could possible go wrong?" So we decided that I will start taking Fenugreek right away and start pumping after EVERY feeding to help bring my milk back up to par. Wonderful. Like I don't have enough to do already and like I'm not getting enough sleep already. Now after I take 40 minutes to feed and diaper him, I need to take another 15-20 to pump and wash the supplies. So by the time I am done diapering, feeding, and pumping, I can MAYBE get an hour and half of sleep in before doing it again. Maybe. So I opted to skip the wee hours pumping sessions and just try to do it every other time.
So the rest of Friday went pretty okay. I laid in bed ALL DAY LONG and went back and forth with the fever then the chills. That is so not fun. My whole body ached. It's worse than having the flu. That night Jake made noodles for some spaghetti sauce I had thawed out. Just as we were cleaning dinner up I heard Jake say "Aidan No nonononnoooo!" and I look over and Aidan has his finger up his nose! He had SHOVED hamburger from the sauce up his nose! He was screaming and holding his nose and saying "nose! nose! nose! owieeee!" I immediately started to worry b/c this kid can his finger all the way up his nose.... he is facinated with just sticking his finger up his nose and leaving it there. It's the strangest thing. It's obvious he is in pain. We try several things, nothing works. I call my mom and try a bath like she suggested (hoping the splashing around would make his nose runny) and that didn't work. He has been screaming now for about 30 minutes. I call the nurse, she calls back and says take him to the ER. So, Jake spent TWO FRIDAY NIGHTS IN A ROW IN THE ER!! I sat at home thinking "this is just great, someone is going to send childrens services to our house and investigate WHY we were there with our kids two friday nights in a row!" When Jake and Aidan got home sometime after midnight Jake said they pulled three chunks out of his nose, and one was the size of a dime!! And I guess they were really far up there. Good thing they went in.
SATURDAY (21st) Thankfully Saturday nothing too extremem happened. In fact Saturday was pretty okay. Jake and I went rounds that day. Between his lack of patience with the kids and my fatigue we were at each others throats. He wanted to go out that night too!! I got up Saturday afternoon after I realized that with all the screaming and kids running around I was not going to get to rest anymore. The house was trashed. I started picking stuff up and when Jake said he wanted to go out I said ONLY if the house resembled something picked up and somewhat neat by evening time could we go out. Well he hoped to it then. Mom came over and watched the boys (all three!) and we went to Red Robin for dinner and then to Walmart to pick up some wipes and cleaner and some household essentials. We were only gone about 2 hours.... I'm on a short leash with Owen for a while. ;o) When we got home the boys were in bed and Owen was ready to be fed again.
SUNDAY (22nd) Sunday morning I got up and looked to the side of my bed and saw the papers from my prescription that I had been reading the other night. I noticed it said there were only 20 pills in the bottle. I thought that was odd since normally there are 40. In the past, when I had it with Aidan, I had to take four pills a day for 10 days....40 pills. I had been taking four pills a day since Friday...so just for Friday and Saturday and I had already taken two by 8am Sunday morning. Every six hours.... that is the schedule I am used to with these meds. Naturally I just started taking them the same again. When I saw the amount was 20 I thought "hmmm, I must need to refill these" and I didn't think anything of it since it was a different pharmacy than normal. THEN, at 2:30pm when I went to take my third pill of the day, I noticed on the pill bottle that I was only supposed to be taking it TWICE a day, not four times a day!!!! SERIOUSLY!! Prescription medication is going to be the death of me, I swear! I called THE SAME pharmacist back and was in a panic, AGAIN, and told her the whole story. She said "not to offend you, but are you a LARGE person?" and I said "well no but I did just have a baby" and she said "well no, I mean if you were really large then MAYBE you would need a large dose but you don't" Sooooo, come to find out, these pills were double strength pills as opposed to single strength pills which is what I normally take. I asked her if anything was going to be wrong with my or the baby and she said no, but to really push the fluids. So after that phone call I started downing water like crazy!! She also said to not take any more and wait until the next day to take another one and just finish it out taking two a day.
The rest of the day was pretty low key and boring. I did a LOT of laundry. No one has done any laundry around here since the day before I went into labor. Niiiiice. Tonight Jake and I will be folding MOUNDS of laundry.
So that brings us to today........
Today was my first day alone with Jake back at work. This morning was a bit nutty and frazzled but I regained control with the boys. The hardest thing is going to be figuring out how to QUIETLY nurse Owen while I am home by myself with Dylan and Aidan. I think I am really going to have to bite the bullet and set up a seriously scheduled and structured day. Everything in me wants to rebel against that and I hate it with it a passion, but I know it will make things easier. That is my biggest goal in life right now, to just regain control over my house and stick to a structured schedule. That even means limiting my computer time and my phone time. The more I am distracted, the more they test me, and I lose my patience quickly lately. I hope I am disciplined enough to do this. I really want to.....
So that is a very long recap of the last 12 days. I think I am mostly caught up to speed. This is soooo long and I even left out the details. Believe it or not, this is the cliff notes version. LOL Oh well, now I can get back to my regular blogging. I had wanted too but knew if I started without posting everything since Owen's birth, I would never post any of it. So overwhelming.
Tonight the boys are at moms for their monday night with her, and Owen is spending some time with my grandma for about an hour until he needs to eat again. :) That should be nice for her. She loves them at this age. :)
Okay well now that should be enough to get my blahg ball rolling..... let's see if I can keep this puppy up....