Be thankful you aren't a thought in my head....

.....because you would surely get lost.

WOW the last few days have whizzed by! I can't even really remember what exactly has happened or gone on. Let's see if I can try....

Wednesday I watched the girls and thought that was my last day for the week and that I'd have Thursday and Friday to do stuff for me (translation: focus on my family and the purging that has yet to have happened in any significant amount). That night my sister called at the last minute for me to watch them early the next morning, which I didn't want to do, but agreed to anyway. Now, I LOVE and ADORE my nieces as much as my own kids, so not wanting to watch them had nothing to do with them. It had more to do with my sanity and stress level. When we found out about the move coming so fast, I decided I would not watch them anymore so I could prepare things (and myself) around here. I am REALLY feeling the pressure and stress as the time is really flying by. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. So anyway, I agreed to watch them, after a mini-argument with my sister about how I CAN'T DO IT anymore. I did say I'd do it on M and W b/c those are school days and my niece and Dylan go together, so no biggie there. But other than that, I really can't if I want to take care of our stuff. So all day Thursday I stressed b/c my sister was going to hire some RANDOM person she picked out of the newspaper to watch them. Someone who is NOT state certified BTW. I have issues with that. I don't trust people to watch little kids who don't/won't go through the neccessary hoops to make sure that they are doing it in a safe environment that is being regulated. Maybe it's b/c of all the training I had to go through to have my own daycare on base.....but it just KILLED me to think of my neices going to some random stranger watching my neices. Now I know what some may be thinking "not your problem" and maybe it's not. But would I be saying that if something happened to them? No, I would be saying "I should have just kept doing it b/c it was the right and loving thing to do." So, at the end of the day, making sure my neices were safe and somewhere they would be loved was more important than winning a battle with my sister (the battle being she kept asking me to watch them after I told her I couldn't, and I'm a pushover when it comes to them). So, I've caved and told her I'll watch them until the 12th. After that, I won't really have a house to watch them in. And if I do, I won't want it messed up with 5 kids around b/c that will be the week my sister in law is coming to help me purge and organize. Plus, my neices are going to stay with their dad for two months at the end of this month. :( That makes me sad. :( So does moving away from them. I told my older neice (3) that we were moving to North Dakota and she got really sad and said "I want to go with you." That broke my heart. I love her. I love them both.

Friday was my running around day. I don't think I have taken the boys out for a full day of running errands and such in MONTHS. They did really good too for not having naps....well, until later at dinner. ;-) We had a hair appt for Dylan and Aidan at noon:30 and then we went to see Daddy at work to see if he'd had lunch yet. He had. So, we went and got some lunch and decided to take it home b/c Dylan had to potty and Owen had to eat. While were home Jake called and said to come back and get him b/c he was done for the day. So, we got together after eating and picked up Daddy, only to bring him back home and change out of his BDU's. He said he didn't want people staring at him in the stores! haha! ;-) What is funny to me about that is on base, no one would give him a second look if we ran errands with him dressed like that. So funny. Even off base it wouldn't have been looked at funny.
We went to Target to check out the snowboots someone had told me they had on sale. Well it must have been a good sale b/c they were all gone. Bummer. :( Then we went to G.I. Joe's, or as it is now annoyingly called, Joe's. What's with dropping the G.I.??? Anyway, we found boots for the boys there. CAMO boots! heehee They are SO CUTE. We had picked out a blue pair for Aidan b/c they had it in his size but they didn't for Dylan so we found the Camo ones for Dylan. I REALLY like the boys to match (my SIL is rolling her eyes right now haha!) so I told Jake to check for Aidan's size. They had one up from his size so we tried it on and it worked. yeah! :D I figure with thick wool socks that'll make up the difference. heehee ;-) After that we tried on some snow bibs for them. The pants they had were all too big so bibs it is. And of course, they match.
After Joe's we went to Walmart. I'm not sure why, but we ended up loading up the cart on who knows what. I really don't remember now. ugh. I know we got Aidan a good jacket b/c he really needed a larger one. It's camo too, but the bummer is that Jake wouldn't let me get Dylan a camo one too! :( Dylan DOES have a jacket that fits, but a camo one that matches with brother would be so much cuter. I tried again tonight to get it but Jake said "NO" and I said "we'll see about that." hahaha! Those who know me best know I'll be getting that jacket for Dylan before we move. ;-)
After walmart we went to eat at Black Bear Diner. Dylan has been wanting to eat there for MONTHS. I kid you not, he has specifically been asking to go there and he never forgets about it either. Jake tried ALL afternoon to get him to change his mind to Red Robin but he never did. So, Black Bear it was. And that was the first, and most likely last, time we will go there. The service was less than, Aidan was downright disobedient, and the food was..... okay. That is a bit of a funny story. I can't eat meat with bone in it. At all. I gag, at the very least. So I ordered chicken stuffed with broccoli and cheese....sounded soooo good. It came with a side salad. Well my salad came and the BOYS devoured my salad. I didn't mind so much since it was probably the only veggie they had willingly eaten all day. Then the waitress came back (after about 20 minutes) and said that they were OUT of stuffed chicken. WHA?! Whatever. So I said I'd have the fried chicken. I don't know WHAT possessed me to order that, but for some reason I was thinking of a chicken breast when I said that. So when my plate FINALLY came (another 15-20 minutes) and I saw the BONE chicken...wings, thighs, legs, DRUMSTICK, I almost gagged. I tried to keep my face straight for the sake of the waitress. Jake was shooting me knowing glances and a hidden grin. As soon as she left Jake said "Well I don't know what YOU'RE going to eat for dinner tonight" hahaha!! Seriously. Thank goodness for the coleslaw and fried squash and zucchini that came with my meal. Oh and the HONKIN' piece of bread. I tried, really I tried to eat the chicken, but I almost threw it all up on the table after two bites. I couldn't do it.
I also ordered a blackberry milkshake to go. I didn't taste it until we were out in the truck. It was like I was drinking freezing cold tasteless paste with bits of tire pebbles. Seriously. No flavor. At all.
Jake wanted to go to DQ for his dessert, so while we were there I ordered myself a chicken strips basket! haha!! We stopped at his parents house and I ate my food and gave them the fried chicken (we took it with us b/c SOMEONE would eat it) and the milkshake. haha! Even my MIL thought the shake had no taste. I had a LAAAAAAME night of eating out. It's kind of funny thinking back on it though.

Today my mom said she'd take the boys so we could work around here unbothered. Well this morning the phone rang and I didn't get it and let the machine get it b/c we were still in bed. It was mom so I had Dylan get me the phone and I called her back. Apparently it was AFTER 9!! How in the world all five of us slept that late I don't know, but I was happy about it!! :D Told her I'd bring them over later. Jake took them around 11. I had a hair appt at 2 that I completely forgot about until Kathy (our WONDERFUL hair lady) reminded me about it yesterday when I was there for the boys. So we had a bit of time to clean before I had to go. Jake was going to drop me off and go to Sportmans Warehouse. After he dropped me off I called and said "come back and get me" b/c Kathy decided we could wait another month on my color. haha!! So we visited instead and she held Owen a while. ;-)

I went with Jake to SW and we both tried on snowboots. I got a REALLY cute suede pair. That was actually all they had for women...suede. But mine are really cute and don't even look like snowboots. They are temperature rated for -40* so I think I'll be okay. haha! ;-) We got some more winter weather accessories and headed out. We went back to walmart b/c we forgot stuff yesterday. I got a bunch of space bags for clothes and linens and we got a lot of household cleaners so we can really get to work on our move out checklist around here. We really want our full refund back. $$$$$ ;-) After all that we grabbed some dinner and picked up the boys and came home and we ate. Now we're just sitting around hanging out. Actually, me and the boys are hanging out. Jake is cleaning the bathrooms. hahaha!! Ahhh, this is the life. ;-)

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This last week I have spent a considerable amount of time online researching homeschooling. It really just sort of fell into my lap. I was browsing blogs and following links and happened upon this website. I really delved into it and have been totally captivated by it and the women that contribute to it. That has led me to other homeschooling blogs that I have really enjoyed. One blog is about UNSCHOOLING and it has really made me think about a lot as a mother. Her main blog is really good too.

All of the stuff I have been reading has been very inspiring and has led to blogs of amazing women. I feel very blessed to have "stumbled" upon these sites. I almost wonder if God is tapping my shoulder again? I've talked to Jake about some of it, just so he knows where my heart is wandering on this issue. I had thought a few years back that I would want to homeschool, and then I decided I didn't think I could be that disciplined and just kind of let it go. Now after reading all of this stuff I see that there are many different options for homeschooling. It doesn't seem that daunting actually. And after reading the unschooling blog, I see that I am already teaching them. I just didn't realize it. That kind of inspires me to take it to the next level.
I think I am going to give homeschooling a lot of thought in the next year. I will research it a lot and try to even incorporate some of it into our lives and see how it goes before I really commit to it for Dylans first "official" year. It IS something I really WANT to do, I just don't know if I am CAPABLE of doing it. I have a lot of reasons for wanting to do it too, one of which is b/c with our lifestyle, they would be changing schools every couple of years.

Another thing that I noticed was how much these women really trusted in God and tried to be good wives and mothers. It was a daily act for them to focus on what kind of wife and mother they were being. I think about being a mom everyday, but sometimes I'm not focused on how I can be better, I'm just focused on getting through the day. And I really don't focus on how to be a good wife. I just sort of wing it there. And to be honest, there is a lot of OLD resentments tied up there that I still have from years ago, and a few that are current that need to be addressed. But even still, I need to put more effort into being the wife GOD wants me to be, even if I am still holding onto past resentments. I am really thankful I found these blogs b/c they have been a great witness to me this last week, and I think will continue to be.

I have been watching the boys lately and really getting emotional when I see them playing together or when I think about moving them away from the ONLY home they have ever known, and grandparents, and cousins, and aunts and uncles, and taking Dylan away from school. He loves his teacher and going to school. I am also scared to be a mom away from my own mom and grandma. They have been there every step of the way and been a real help to me, and almost like second parents when it comes to the boys. Mostly b/c Jake worked so much I really depended on them for help and for company. It gets lonely being home all day when he would work such loooooong hours. I am nervous for that happening in Minot before I have a support system, which could be awhile. In the meantime I am thankful for the internet. ;-)

Jake and I have had a lot going on between the two of us as well. It's been very stressful and trying lately with all the details of this move and things at work are threatening to hinder our move date a bit. It's complicated so I won't go into it here. Mostly just paperwork stuff, but stressful none the less. I don't think he and I have done a very good job of remaining as one through this and it's starting to show. We really need to get on board with eachother and work as a team if we are going to come out of this stronger together. I think we've both just let the stress and shock of it all get to us in a bad way. Moving with an entire family really IS stressful, especially while dealing with our everyday stresses as well. Before when we moved Dylan was just one month old so it really wasn't that bad, and we didn't have NEAR as much stuff as we have now. More crap = more stress. ;-)

Sorry I have nothing funny or even substantial in this blog. It's more of a brain dump tonight. I've really been feeling the nervous butterflies lately and not in a good way. The countdown is on and soon it will be March and we'll be on our way to North Dakota!!