Brent busted me!
Okay so I said I wouldn't be getting on here for a few days, and while I did really good the first day, the second day not so much. I did refrain from posting and commenting though. Now that is quite the accomplishment on my part. haha!
Even though I didn't completely stay away, I did minimize my time drastically. And what a difference it made! It was a good lesson for me in priorities, boundaries, and everything in MODERATION. Too much of anything IS a bad thing.
In my profile when I say I tend to get sucked into the computer once I turn it on....yeah, I wasn't kidding. Even though I am reading some amazing stuff and having some great conversations, or enjoying a friendly debate here and there, too much is too much. And when your kid tells you he feels gooerish about you being on the computer....well, that'll snap you to attention if nothing else.
I did accomplish a lot these last few days, and the best part, I was able to hear God without all the "noise" in my head. God knows my heart, and he knows what I am struggling with, but when I am so immersed in what I am doing elsewhere, I can't hear him. What I miss when I am not paying attention! All this time (last couple of months) I've felt like a failure at being a good mom, wife, homemaker. Brent reminded me that I am a perfectionist. Yes, yes I am. *Hi I'm Brandy and I am a perfectionist* meaning that I have this IDEA in my mind of how I want things to be, and I can NEVER reach it. EVER. And I know it. So instead of just trying to be good at stuff, I don't even try b/c I know I won't reach my level of perfection.....the unrealistic one I have in my head. Just being good is not good enough. It has to be perfect. And if it's not, why bother? See my problem? I have a feeling this is going to be a life long battle for me. Like an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. A perfectionist is always a perfectionist. Every day is a battle to "stay on the wagon" so to say, for lack of a better example at the moment.
I have always been a fan of the sayings "go big or go home" and "if you're going to do a half a$$ job, don't do it at all" and "there is right way and a wrong way and your way is not right" (haha). That last one is a testament to the fact that I can't accept help either. I am bad at that. And only I can fix that.
The other thing I have enjoyed these last two days: my kids. Oh the fun we've had! And that's always worth it.
So here is my attempt at adding a little imperfect "grey" into my life. Finding a middle ground. Setting some boundaries. Being imperfect. ;-)
Friday, February 15, 2008
Brent busted me!